Frustrated With T

[Deleted member 28403]

I just left the room where I had a session. It was 20-25 minutes, and then the T told me to go wait for a bit in the hallway.

It started with him asking me about sleep and eventually prescribing me pills (still need to check what exactly). And then we got to the talk about me not remembering much stuff, forgetting huge parts of the day and stuff. And he kept telling me that it's impossible for me to be like that because human brain doesn't work like that and stuff. He kept explaining me that I can't forget when something was and stuff and it stressed me and got me really nervous. He told me that it makes no sense to talk about it if I don't remember stuff, and when I said that to me the problem is that I forget stuff, he said that it's my problem, not his, or something along those lines. I tried to object but he told me to wait till my parents come and take a walk in the hallway. He said that if I'm so prone to forgetting I can't go to the math competition and stuff. I am angry and sad now.

 

[Intrepid]

Is your T is asking you or telling you? If your T is asking you then he might be trying to start a dialogue on these problems of forgetfulness.

If he is telling you he may be in ideologue more interested in what he knows than in who you are.

I'm much more complicated as a person to want to have an ideologue as a therapist. However, if the person is truly curious about you, even that can be okay.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

I see there's a lot of stuff involved (sorry, couldn't resist :P).

Your T sounds kind of weird. Of course it's possible to forget huge chunks of the day. That happens to me too sometimes.
Who is he to tell you you can't go to a math competition? Math is not about forgetting chunks of your day. If you think you are good at math, go to the competition.

One question for you -do you like your t in general?
Might be a an idea to consider someone else...

 

[Deleted member 28403]

@Intrepid
He was telling me the stuff, he asked barely any questions and even the talk about my memory I had to start. He just wanted to wrap it up as quickly as possible.

@Radise

I am quite good at math, and physics. At this moment, I am at a knowledge level on many points dipping into highschool level, and physics is simply my thing, been learning whole high school level (just skipped optics, for now, as electricity is higher priority). But I forget huge chunks of stuff happening to me.
He says that I can fool myself into believing it's possible to forget like that, but that I can't fool him and that I need to be serious when talking. I don't know what to think of him. Last session was a month ago and went fineish, but today it went bad. He is the theraphist that my parents assigned over Social Service Departement.

Fk, I hit high stress point and now my back is bleeding.

 

[Justmehere]

It's therapy 101 to know that people can dissociate and forget things. It's not a debated issue - but one the profession generally agrees on. It's an established fact. That sounds like an incredibly invalidating session. It would have really upset me if I didn't remember and was challenged/confronted like that.

It sounds like he thinks you are using it as an excuse to avoid talking to him, and that he isn't doing much to help you feel comfortable enough to talk to him. In light of your reluctance to talk to him or do therapy at all in the past, and how therapist work with teenagers in general, I can see a therapist asking a teen client, "how did your day go?" or "what happened when...?" and the teen client saying they don't remember a large chunk of time... and the therapist thinking this is just a teenager avoiding talking about serious things rather than having a problem that is more on the dissociative spectrum.

Does this therapist know of your trauma history? Can you talk to him about what you do remember? The more you can show a willingness to do therapy and to talk about what you can, the more he might realize this isn't just a teen with an attitude, but someone in need of help and support to become more grounded.

Argh, and yet as I write that, it is HE that should be working hard to help you feel safe to talk. Good teen therapists KNOW this - trauma therapists or general therapists. But since you are stuck seeing him, you may have to show that under the right circumstances and with the right support, you would be willing to talk about hard things in therapy - which is something that should not be put entirely on you.

Why is your back bleeding?

 

[Justmehere]

I can understand why you walked out, but don't give up. Use what grounding skills you know to hang on through the panic and stress you are feeling now. Maybe try holding some ice, if you have some - this has helped stop panic in it's tracks sometimes for me. Please know that there are a lot of people here who care about you and support you. :hug:

 

[Deleted member 28403]

@Justmehere

Parents got me to go to him because a few years ago during bullying I was going to him and was diagnosed with serious childhood trauma due to bullying. He knows some of my past, but still not a lot. He is an interesting person... In a wierd way. From what I know he passed specialisation in teens and adolescents.

My back is bleeding because after the session I was to nervous and scratched a wound into my back/shoulder. I inflict myself pain when nervous.

I am sad.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

@Justmehere

I didn't walk out, he abruptly ended the session and said he will talk to my parents about it and told me to be in the hallway for a bit because I couldn't remember stuff.

 

[Justmehere]

I'm sorry I misunderstood. Did he use the rest of the session time to call your parents or talk to them in person?

Maybe he passed specialization in working with teens, but it sounds like he could be missing the boat on how to handle trauma. Did he explain anything about why he doesn't think you are dissociative other than it just being impossible in general? Argh.

Is finding another therapist an option?

I used to self injure and cause pain to myself a lot when under stress too, so I understand how people can do that under stress. Sounds like you are really hurting. Be as kind to you as you can. I know, easy to say, and hard to do.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

@Justmehere

No, I just spent a hour waiting for parent to come, and now she is talking to him. I don't know if I even have options. I just went to the bathroom without mother's authorization and had 3 missed calls from her while doing so. I am really nervous.

 

[Justmehere]

Respond to your mother's calls - whatever happens next, it will likely go better if you talk to them. Don't run, don't hide. You can do this. Maybe some good will come of this.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

@Justmehere
She starts doing such stuff as soon as I'm not in her line of sight, I was in the bathroom for undera minute. I am being marked as 'just in puberty' again. Whenever I feel bad my parents just say puberty, it's natural. And that is all. I hate this.