My name is Joel. I am a 19+ yr law enforcement officer in Southern California. I was diagnosed with PTSD early in my career after being involved in multiple officer involved shootings. The first one I was involved in came only 8 months after graduating the academy. In that incident, my partners and I were ambushed. I was shot multiple times by suspects armed with AK-47's and mini 14's, all fully automatic. After recovering from my physical injuries, I was diagnosed with PTSD and treated successfully and brought back to work.
Approximately 5 years later I was involved in yet another OIS. This time the suspect had startled me and I came face to face with him pointing a sawed off shotgun at my face. I instinctively reacted, I drew my weapon and fired. My gun did the thing only nightmares are made of, it went "Click". no big bang. My gun had malfunctioned. The suspects gun then went "Click". I quickly cleared the bad round (Bad primer) and came back up on target, beating the suspect to the punch. I shot him 5 times and was able to survive the shooting uninjured.
Within a year I started having anxiety and panic attacks. I told no one. I did not want to be labeled as weak, plus I did not want to lose my job. I was embarrassed and scared. I had no idea why these things were happening to me and was truly afraid that I would not be able to function normally. I sought help from my old doctor from the previous shooting, and we worked through it. I could not shake the panic attacks or the anxiety but managed it for over 10 years. Always fearful of having an attack at any time. Eventually my illness started to really affect me physically and I was placed on disability by my doctor. I was seen by multiple doctors, all my employer agreed to send me to. They all diagnosed me with PTSD and said that I could no longer be a police officer. My employer decided that they didn't want to retire me and have fought the rulings every step of the way. Despite court rulings, they continue to fight me. I have a family, wife 3 kids, we've lost everything. Financially, I am in ruins. It has been 7 years and they continue to appeal and lose. I am extremely frustrated and can't understand how they cannot take care of one of their own. I know that we will win and I continue to fight and will never give in. PTSD is something that truly needs to be addressed in the law enforcement community. I am tired of officers being swept under the rug and not being taken care of. My employer has no idea what lengths I will go to fight for this. I am a survivor and I will win this!
Approximately 5 years later I was involved in yet another OIS. This time the suspect had startled me and I came face to face with him pointing a sawed off shotgun at my face. I instinctively reacted, I drew my weapon and fired. My gun did the thing only nightmares are made of, it went "Click". no big bang. My gun had malfunctioned. The suspects gun then went "Click". I quickly cleared the bad round (Bad primer) and came back up on target, beating the suspect to the punch. I shot him 5 times and was able to survive the shooting uninjured.
Within a year I started having anxiety and panic attacks. I told no one. I did not want to be labeled as weak, plus I did not want to lose my job. I was embarrassed and scared. I had no idea why these things were happening to me and was truly afraid that I would not be able to function normally. I sought help from my old doctor from the previous shooting, and we worked through it. I could not shake the panic attacks or the anxiety but managed it for over 10 years. Always fearful of having an attack at any time. Eventually my illness started to really affect me physically and I was placed on disability by my doctor. I was seen by multiple doctors, all my employer agreed to send me to. They all diagnosed me with PTSD and said that I could no longer be a police officer. My employer decided that they didn't want to retire me and have fought the rulings every step of the way. Despite court rulings, they continue to fight me. I have a family, wife 3 kids, we've lost everything. Financially, I am in ruins. It has been 7 years and they continue to appeal and lose. I am extremely frustrated and can't understand how they cannot take care of one of their own. I know that we will win and I continue to fight and will never give in. PTSD is something that truly needs to be addressed in the law enforcement community. I am tired of officers being swept under the rug and not being taken care of. My employer has no idea what lengths I will go to fight for this. I am a survivor and I will win this!
