Frustrating Mental Illness Is Invisible

[NovemberStar]

get frustrated at times with this. My colleagues now I have PTSD / depression / eating disorder / issues. Very few know exaclty how bad it is, but it's not enough to say I'm struggling or need supoort - I don't get it anyway.

Amoher (more distant) colleague has cancer. She's going through chemo and overall prognosis is good - but it's a huge battle still. I'm not trying for a minute to suggest her battle is easier than my ptsd / etc fight; but it's frustrating that physical diseases (like cancer) seem to get everyone gathering around and going out of their way to help, whereas mental illness is invisible and you're left alone to deal with with it best you can. It's very lonely.

Was driving home today just wishing colleagues around me would understand just enough to support me when things at works get hard. i can't help but feel I'd get more suport, more understanding, more help and compassion if I had cancer instead of ptsd. Currently I'm struglging a lot with suicidal urges, depression and I honestly do not know if I will make it through this - it feels as deadly and as much as a riisk to my survival as her cancer does, but no one can see that.

 

[Lucycat]

You are right @NovemberStar it is incredibly frustrating. Just occasionally I want to shout out 'but what about me?' when sympathy is being offered to someone who is sick. But it comes down to the base line that we are all different and likely all have our own individual struggles. The person next door may not have cancer, may not have a mental illness but perhaps their puppy has just died and they don't feel worthy of help or support either. Or the lady who looks perfectly fit but has just had a miscarriage. or. or.

Life is tough. There are very many invisible illnesses. A friend has a grandchild with Cystic fibrosis. Invisible but life limiting. Damned hard work for the entire family.

I am not dismissing you. I 'get it'. But there is not much point on dwelling on it.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I don't think @NovemberStar is dwelling and to suggest that she is, well that's akin to saying get over it because there's nothing you can do about it. She has a right to express her frustrations in an attempt to process these feelings and move forward.

So OP, I hear you and I understand. Your feelings are valid and shouldn't be brushed aside because other people with other disorders have similar struggles.

 

[RussH]

@NovemberStar the reality is that people understand cancer, and how it affects the sufferer. People who don't have PTSD don't understand it, and therefore are clueless on how to offer support.

 

[scout86]

Very few know exaclty how bad it is, but it's not enough to say I'm struggling or need supoort - I don't get it anyway.

Do you think they know HOW to support you? Could it be that they don't know, and are afraid of doing something wrong and therefore do nothing at all? What could they do that WOULD help? Sometimes asking for what you need is pretty hard, but could you talk about this with at least one or two of them?

 

[greenleaf]

@NovemberStar -- does it help you to read stuff that matches your experience? At least it's in the "external reality"...?

I am hoping that some of the stuff I'm reading by various (mostly Dutch!) researchers -- for instance about types of dissociation associated with early abuse -- will become more mainstream, at least for therapists etc.

Yes, it would be great if people understood these issues better. Even the therapeutic mental health community is way behind research sometimes though, seems... I'm attending a group activity for trauma survivors, and am feeling like the issues surrounding adult-trauma-generated PTSD are understood reasonably but that childhood issues really aren't; the research I've read says that the brain can actually have opposite patterns to the adult trauma type (of course many folks have both). So the space is supposed to feel safe but it doesn't currently feel like the staff "gets it" for me, so I feel alone where I'm supposed to feel supported allegedly.

However I have been reading stuff like this forum and it helps a lot, as well as a great T.

My current favorite site... are those tulips, does that mean these are Dutch folks?

Link Removed

 

[Bees Are Awesome]

A few friends know that I have PTSD and that mostly shows itself as anxiety and hypervigilance when I am around them. They have known for years but it wasn't until a couple of months ago a friend told me that she knows I have PTSD but doesn't really understand what that means or what it is all about. I imagine she is like a vast majority of other people in that they don't really know what PTSD is or how it affects the sufferer or those around them.

As we go through our school years we are taught about all kinds of different physical illnesses, diseases, and conditions. However, as far as brain disorders and mental illnesses, it may get mentioned but is largely just skimmed over. Because of the lack of knowledge about these things they are largely stigmatized. A lot of times people fear things they don't understand and so when confronted with a mental illness or brain disorder they just don't know how to handle it or know the right way to treat those suffering.

It truly sucks to be a sufferer. We have to work hard just to make it through a day sometimes and it can be terribly frustrating and lonely when others around us don't notice that or seem to care. I totally get that. If you feel comfortable doing it, maybe you could talk to one of your coworkers about how you are feeling and how they can be supportive. Hang in there.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I have learned that unless something happens to a person, they cannot understand what you are going through. I went through the stage in the process of learning some painful and costly lessons with people for so many years until I finally got this concept. People understand if they have walked in your shoes.

There was a time, when the forum was all of the good support I had. The people here got me through some very rough times and I am so grateful.

Personally, now I keep my PTSD to myself. It is no ones business but my own.

 

[shimmerz]

@greenleaf , that is a really comprehensive link for Structural Dissociation. Thanks!

I think, through this forum I have realized that there ARE people out there who understand. I am not a freak of nature, I am not nuts for reacting the way I do and that I CAN be understood. I like that about you guys! :hug:

 

[NovemberStar]

Do you think they know HOW to support you? Could it be that they don't know, and are afraid of doing something wrong and therefore do nothing at all? What could they do that WOULD help? Sometimes asking for what you need is pretty hard, but could you talk about this with at least one or two of them?

I am able to talk to one colleague and she is great. The others I don't feel support me in general, let alone with my struggles.

It's like this - lately I am really really struggling with depression and suicidal urges. I probably ought to be in hospital but it's not an option where I live (no beds and politics). If I were to have cancer, I could say 'hey, I'm struggling with my illness right now, could I have some help' and they woulldmmich rally around. If I were to say 'hey I really struglging with depression right now' I would not get the same offers of support to help me.

If I were to be hospitalised with depression, I doubt my work would get done. I strongly suspect I'd even be criticised for not being able to work. When I took emergency sick leave for 3 days when my grandmother died suddenly, they complained because it meant more work for them and impacted on their ability to have time off those few days.

THAT is how uncaring they are. I have no doubt, if I am. It able to work due to depression, they would be no less horrible about it than they were then. Oh, and. Have ZERO sick days left, and as we are all self employed, there is really no obligation for them to step up and take over my work at all. I'd simply lose weeks / months of income even if I was off sick for just 2 weeks.

Cancer on the other hand - they want to look good and look like they're being supportive. To not do so in that case, they'd be criticised and seen in a very bad light.

Definitely not the same for mental illness.

 

[shimmerz]

Definitely not the same for mental illness.

I can't disagree with any of what you are saying here. It is not right. I expect that some are afraid that malingering would run rampant. Perhaps when fMRI's are used to diagnose it will change things. Then there are good solid facts behind the diagnosis, as there is with tumors etc. So very frustrating.

 

[scout86]

they want to look good and look like they're being supportive.

I think you probably nailed it right there. Mental health issues are a little harder for them to get public recognition for heroically helping you out. Sorry you aren't dealing with a better class of people!