Funnies

[Spock]

 

[Barberian]

 

[Spock]

 

[Spock]

 

[Spock]

 

[Chin Strapped]

Not my words, but a funny read. I'm guessing the guy was a marine who wrote it.

Miltary Rules

Royal Marine Rules:
1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won’t work.
5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet ¬ even your friends…
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a "4."
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.

SBS Rules:
1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
2. Kill every living thing within view.
3. Adjust speedo.
4. Check hair in mirror.

SAS Rules:
1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
3. Request permission via radio from "Higher" to perform killing.
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.

Army Rules:
1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.
2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.
3. Curse bitterly.
4. Curse bitterly.
5. Do not listen to 2nd LT’s; it can get you killed.
6. Curse bitterly.

RAF Rules:
1. Have a cocktail.
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
3. See what’s on Sky.
4. Ask "what is a gunfight?"
5. Request more funding from Government with a "killer" Power Point presentation.
6. Wine & dine ’key’ MP’s, invite MOD & defense industry executives.
7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
8. Declare the assets "strategic" and never deploy them operationally.
9. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time.
10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption.

RN Rules:
1. Go to Sea.
2. Drink Coffee.
3. Deploy Marines


$hit: A Definition
An Army grunt stands in the rain with a 35-pound pack on his back, 15-lb. weapon in his hand, having marched 12 miles, and says, "This is $hit."

An Para stands in the rain with a 45-pound pack on his back, weapon in hand, after having jumped from a plane and jogged 18 miles, says with a smile, "This is good $hit."

A Marine lies in the mud, 55-pound pack on his back, weapon in hand, after swimming 10 miles to shore, crawling through a swamp, and running 25 miles at night past enemy positions, says with a grin, "This is really great $hit."

A SAS Trooper, up to his nose in the stinking, bug-infested mud of a swamp with a 65-pound pack on his back and weapons in both hands after jumping from an aircraft at high altitude into the ocean, swimming 12 miles to shore, killing several alligators to enter the swamp, then crawling 30 miles through the brush to assault an enemy camp, says, "I love this $hit."

An Air Force NCO sits in an easy chair in an air-conditioned, carpeted office in front of his computer and says, "My e-mail is out? What kind of $hit is this?"

 

[Sarg]

U.S. Air Force Rules:

1. There ARE no rules!

Sarg

 

[Barberian]

U.S. Air Force Rules:

1. There ARE no rules!

Sarg

Except don't cross that painted line on the flight line (can't remember the color, used around "special planes and/or ordinance). Air Force MP's don't have much of a sense of humor and respond with M-16s locked and loaded if you cross that special line.

 

[Jimmy1]

 

[Spock]

Ahhhhhhhhh

 

[Spock]

 

[Spock]