I didn't realize my ex-wife gaslighted me in one simple, crude, and blindingly obvious way...
She would "instruct" me on how to do everything mechanical as if I were a very slow child?
She told me she was " trying to be helpful."
I told her this was not only not helpful, it left me feeling belittled, distracted, nervous, and triggered ( as my parents would stand over me doing a task and explode at me as soon as I screwed up ).
I was then told by the ex-wife that I should not feel that way.
Since my ex-wife kept telling me that she loved me? I kept TRYING to explain to her how, in the above and in other myriad petty little ways, she managed to make me feel helpless and worthless? As surely she must not really want to hurt me? I mean, she claimed to love me. She did oftentimes have trouble understanding language, she needed it worded very specifically to get it. I thought if I worded it JUST right, she MIGHT understand? I kept repeating things like some sort of exotic rewording parrot...
When we divorced, I stopped talking to her at all. I'd been trying to explain myself for 10 years and failed.
...I now freak out even worse at anything mechanical I have to do. I suppose I need to just work through this.