Can you post again to let us know how your therapist was able to break your dissociation? I think that would be of interest to others.
I still don't really think I have a clear explanation for this so forgive me if I just churn out everything that's in my head about it!
My therapist has gone very gently and slowly with me...a few months ago, I was dissociating for about three quarters of the time in each session, so we were spending quite a lot of time on grounding techniques. We came up with strategies, which included having a 'box of tricks' at home to 'bring me back' if I started dissociating. So, items that would engage my senses and get me present - I'm sure lots of other people here must have things like that. And we also agreed a half-hourly check in routine because the box of items was all very well if I knew I was starting to dissociate but not if I was already gone and didn't realise. So setting an alarm to regularly check in with myself and to get up and move regularly so that I couldn't get unwittingly stuck in a freeze were both parts of the strategy.
My therapist and I also talked about my dissociation quite a lot. I talked about the experience of it and she told me how she knew it was happening or about to happen. So, obviously I went into a starry/trance-like state. But she said there were other things I did before when I was just starting to get a bit spacey - so one thing is that my body would go into a freeze even though I might still be speaking and the body position I froze in was nearly always the same. Another thing is that I would tend to repeat the last thing I'd said and say it in exactly the same way, like a stuck record. So, because she told me some of those signs, I was more conscious of doing them and it did make me more aware that my head was starting to go so that I could then try to do something about it before I got into deep dissociation. So with the new consciousness, I just started noticing more and really practising bringing myself back. And it was incredibly hard work and always left me exhausted afterwards. But I started to make progress because then it moved more to drifting in and out during sessions as opposed to going in to deep dissociation and staying there for an hour! So my head would go, then my therapist would speak to me and say I was 'going' and then I'd come back. Then it would go again, then my therapist would suggest I had some water, then I'd come back and have some water, which helps. Then a while later it would go again and she'd say I was going again and then I'd come back... And then after a while, it stayed the same in that my head would come and go in sessions, but she was less involved in bringing me back...my head would start to go, I'd realise (or I'd hear myself repeating a phrase and realise that I needed to do something) and then I'd be able to bring myself back without her intervention.
Over the past few months, I've had to have quite a few medical consultations/procedures and that environment/experience is very triggering for me. And for a long time, I now know that I've tended to dissociate during medical examinations, which means that I don't focus on the information I'm being given and I can't accurately answer questions I'm asked etc. So for the ones over the last few months, my therapist worked with me a lot on preparing for the consultations as much as possible. So weeks before the first appointment, we started working on ways to make the appointment as safe and positive an experience as we could. So, for instance, my therapist phoned my consultant's PA and outlined what I needed - things like for a chaperone to be in the room with us, for the consultant to always let me know where he was going to touch me and why before he did so, for me to be able to wear something for the consultation so that I didn't feel so exposed etc. At the time I felt like my therapist was going a bit OTT with all the prep and the strategies but it turns out that I did have really positive experiences. Yes, there were challenges, of course but for the first time in years I didn't dissociate during a medical examination/procedure. Which I think was about feeling prepared, feeling like I knew what to expect and feeling more in control of things because I'd laid down boundaries from the start. So I think that was also a massive step.
So I think noticing the signs before I got in too deep, my therapist really teaching me good strategies and signs so that then I could bring myself back instead of relying on her and also the thing about finding other boundaries that work for me. My therapist said dissociation was the biggest boundary I used and I hadn't ever thought of it in that way. So, for instance, with the doctor thing - when I could lay down other boundaries like those around giving the doctor info in advance, him giving me a heads up before physical touch or around clothing so that I didn't feel exposed – I think I had less need for dissociation because other things were helping to make me feel safer and more protected.
Sorry...I know I'm writing very long posts at the moment...I feel like I need to clear my head out before it implodes, so I think I'm just brain dumping!
