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- #25
barefoot
Diamond Member
Just to add that I talked this through with my therapist yesterday – the feeling lost without dissociation, the feisty feelings towards her – and a couple of other things that had been on my mind and causing me confusion since our last session. It was really useful discussing it with her and I feel a little calmer and more grounded having done so. And my relationship with her feels very strong, open and positive, whereas it's felt a little rocky these last few weeks.
One of the things we talked about, which I hadn't realised before...she said that now dissociation has pretty much disappeared, another defence mechanism has sprung up in its place (my mind, apparently – my brain's gone into overdrive intellectualising everything and I think I'm now trying to think my way out of everything as another way to avoid stuff and go into denial). And so we'll continue with the work and, over time, that defence mechanism will dissolve...and maybe then there'll be another one, so we'll carry on until that one dissolves... She said that at the moment, there's a very strong resistance – a 'no' to the work. But there will come a point where there will be a 'yes'. And that's when I'll be able to connect to my feelings in the therapy room. And then we'll be able to do the deeper work we need to do to process the trauma stuff.
I'd thought that once I got to the point of not dissociating, everything would be fine and we could get stuck in to the deeper trauma work. I had no idea that other defence mechanisms would then pop up instead! Though I suppose it does make sense... So it was really reassuring to hear all that yesterday and to understand more about the process and how the psyche works. But it's also left me thinking, crap, how long is this going to take?!
Anyway – just thought I'd update you that I talked it all through with my therapist and now feel in a better place with it. Thank you all for your comments and support :-)
One of the things we talked about, which I hadn't realised before...she said that now dissociation has pretty much disappeared, another defence mechanism has sprung up in its place (my mind, apparently – my brain's gone into overdrive intellectualising everything and I think I'm now trying to think my way out of everything as another way to avoid stuff and go into denial). And so we'll continue with the work and, over time, that defence mechanism will dissolve...and maybe then there'll be another one, so we'll carry on until that one dissolves... She said that at the moment, there's a very strong resistance – a 'no' to the work. But there will come a point where there will be a 'yes'. And that's when I'll be able to connect to my feelings in the therapy room. And then we'll be able to do the deeper work we need to do to process the trauma stuff.
I'd thought that once I got to the point of not dissociating, everything would be fine and we could get stuck in to the deeper trauma work. I had no idea that other defence mechanisms would then pop up instead! Though I suppose it does make sense... So it was really reassuring to hear all that yesterday and to understand more about the process and how the psyche works. But it's also left me thinking, crap, how long is this going to take?!
Anyway – just thought I'd update you that I talked it all through with my therapist and now feel in a better place with it. Thank you all for your comments and support :-)
