Getting In My Own Way

[Trinomial]

I have certain skills / abilities that are very applicable in daily life, school, and career, but I find that I hold myself back a lot.

Intellectually, I can say that I'm not in danger and that I'm not worthless or unloved. However, that constant introjection and panic that I have, overwhelms me.

I know I'm not the only person who gets hung up on feelings based on past trauma.

How do you overcome yourself? How do you cope with the feelings that could hold you back?

I'm just looking for some general tips, because I want to live fully and be successful.

 

[Trinomial]

No one here has beaten their insecurities or overcome self-limiting behavior? O.o

 

[Meadowsweet]

I understand what you mean, but I'm not sure I have the answers.

Sometimes I fight it and get through. But it is a strenuous battle, which suggests that I don't overcome those feelings. And it leaves me exhausted.

Sometimes I just don't have the energy to fight.

 

[Trinomial]

Thanks for replying, Meadowsweet.

I know the feelings don't ever really go away, but I learn how to cope a bit more every time. It's just a matter of finding balance and knowing how to live with the sadness.

I just don't know how, because sometimes I feel completely incapicitated from it.

Best wishes to you. I hope it gets easier for you.

 

[Meadowsweet]

I feel I ought to add to this. Its not the first time, but the last time I was physically attacked was 2006. As PTSd symptoms developed, I had the brain wave that I would give up work and go to university.

I was in the mindset that I had to be a better person, to fight and change my life, and by doing that I could be safe. So university has become almost like a superstition. When its essay time, I feel like I've got to do well because failure is like something that will be punished.

But thats not a healthy way of achieving, and its certainly not overcoming fears.

At the moment I have three weeks before my final dissertation is due in. And I need some anxiety to even be able to focus. So I get up with everything surrounding trauma going on and on in my mind, I go back to bed for a while, and eventually I reach a point where I know all the rubbish filling my mind will only go if I get up and do some work.

When I finally force myself to work, I become numb, and its quite nice. Then eventually my brain just stops and I can't think of the next sentence, so I have to stop. After an hour or two, I feel the struggle, wish I'd done more, have a couple of glasses of wine and go to bed.

I couldn't carry on now if it wasn't all going to be over in three weeks. Because I know I'm pushing myself more than is good for me. And I just want to stop, and get on with focussing on therapy.

So I think when you use the word successful, you really have to give some thought about what that means to you. And maybe think about small successes that you can reach for by the day or by the month or year. And appreciate yourself for fullfilling those.

But with more acceptance of whats wrong with me, my priorities have changed. Fighting to be a better person by fullfilling a family image of a 'better' person isn't successful. Right now, being happier, more relaxed, being able to enjoy lightheartedness with friends and look after my health, would be an improvement.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think those are wise words MS, and also you have much self-understanding.

I think we have a tendency to go hard on ourselves, whether it be by defining ourselves or allowing others to, of where or 'how' we think we should be.

Your goals sound healthy, positive, well-balanced, centered on the present and as I said, wise. :)
(Very) good luck to you, and with your University/ work. :) :tup: