Getting Rid Of Notes Written In Therapy

[GWhizz]

With my old T I couldn't speak much so wrote a lot down. The agreement was that we'd dispose of it together at the right time, or should I finish therapy early, at that point. I was also getting a sliding scale rate and felt like a charity case, so much so that my T had to talk me round continuing to see her on the agreement that I could repay her at a future point when I could afford it. She said other clients did this.

I moved onto a more specialised T who diagnosed me and whom I'm working quite well with now. Life has changed a lot for the better.

Unfortunately lately I have bumped into my old T on quite a number of occasions. I usually ignore her or pretend I don't see her. But it doesn't stop the old feelings - there was a lot of transference and I always felt like a child with her. I feel really unnerved and exposed seeing her especially knowing she has so much information about me. I also want to move on and reimburse her.

So I sent her an email initially about how I find it awkward crossing paths. Then I sent another asking if she could destroy/delete any notes/emails I had written as they contained very personal details. I also requested a bill for the outstanding fees. She didn't reply and after several days I hastily texted her about my annoyance at this, that she could at least have the decency to send a message even to say she'd rather I didn't contact her at all, than giving me the silent treatment and reinforcing my anxieties and sense of worthlessness. I guess my insecurities got the better of me. Anyway, she replied to that text the next morning saying that I obviously was in great distress and she suggested I get help, that contacting her wasn't helpful. She said she had been about to reply to my email but didn't when she got my text (I find that convenient because I text about 5 days after the email). She kept saying in a very condescending manner that I'm clearly really distressed and need to get help and then stated that she would not respond to future contact from me.

I thanked her for her honesty, albeit her opinion. I'm fully functional and was in work at the time, her pigeon-holing me into the vulnerable crazy client corner really annoyed me! The only thing getting me distressed was bumping into her and knowing she still had my notes as well as feeling indebted to her. I raised the fact that it's not fair to just cut contact when she failed to address my two real concerns, the notes and fees.

Of course I tried to call her just to clarify these issues and she's ignoring me. I text saying that was unfair but not to worry, I wouldn't bug her anymore. I won't.

I know I shouldn't have gone about it the way I did but I'm so upset by her. After putting years of trust into her she basically labels me as a distressed person needed serious help acting out towards her when I really just wanted to help myself for future run ins with her. She ends it by prohibiting any contact like I'm a weirdo. I wish she'd been honest with me years ago rather than pretending the door was always open as she'd promised. She initiated a lot of contact outside of therapy which I never wanted to get into. It wasn't healthy but I trusted her. She always created such an unhealthy relationship it blurred everything, it's one of the main reasons I decided to look for another T because she was becoming like the mother I'd never have, yet told me to treat this transference as normal. And now when I really need something she just cuts me off completely.

I rang my T that night to explain it. She said not all therapists will give you your notes but seeing as we'd made an arrangement that was surprising the way she's reacting now.

Sorry for the essay but do you think maybe I could have my current T contact the old one seeing as I'm being shunned? I have been so upset about it, only for my current T I was about to self-harm that night and I've been holding back the tears in work etc since. I never cry but therapy is meant to provide you with a healthy relationship model/template. It just makes me see therapy as fake if it's going to reaffirm my trust anxieties etc. It's more harmful being misled falsely. I had to ask my T that night to be fully honest and just tell me what she really thinks of me now because I'm not going to work with someone who can't be honest with me if I'm giving them my all. She said she'll think about it and talk to me when I see her Tuesday, reassured me that she feels I've always handled everything including disclosures in a dignified manner. But that she's afraid that there's no right or helpful way for her to really answer that. I'm at a point where I'm questioning therapy altogether. It's been a huge risk putting faith in the process and part of me feels that I should have always trusted myself not to put that trust in another. Then I don't know if that's myself coming up with reasons not to get help. Sorry again that this is so long! Appreciate anyone taking the time to read/reply.

 

[Changing4Best]

Yes, have your current Therapist contact her and have your therapist reiterate your requests. Your therapist cannot, however, tell her how you are doing now. That would break the laws surrounding confidentiality.

 

[qwyoey]

Considering your previous agreement, it is discouraging to know that she responded this way. I know there are certain laws regarding recording keeping of notes, etc. Ask your current therapist what they are, and how to proceed.

 

[DrCreative27]

Sounds like the was blurred too much. (Not your fault) She doesn't know what to do/how to handle it. Have your current T handle it, and if it's really a problem, her licensing agency is also a resource.

Many therapists don't like calls and texts - my current office doesnt even have a phine that rings. Just voicemail. So, desist sending messages. Be very businesslike and courteous via email or written mail (preferrably with support from someone in authority.)

And, most importantly - dont take it personally! You have your issues, ans youre working on them - thats the only thing you are responsible for. Your old T has acted unprofessionally, and that's on her and her alone. Hang in there - get support from your T and use the opportunity to learn relationship skills and boundaries, and then never look back except to celebrate how far you've come.

 

[kilted]

Yes, talk to your current therapist about the situation as it will be affecting your relationship with them. If you had requested old notes be destroyed and you haven't had confirmation that they have been then approaching your old therapists licensing body might be a way forward. Your current therapist should be able to advise on this.

 

[Freedomfighter]

With my old T I couldn't speak much so wrote a lot down. The agreement was that we'd dispose of it toget...

That does seem weird. The bills are a responsibility of the patient, I always want to make sure I pay my bills, personal pride to handle your finances is something that you are proud of. She is trying to take that away for some reason. In your case I would draft a legal document, in which the remainder of the outstanding balance is noted. In this document you can state that you want to pay the remainder of the bills. Sign the document and have the recipient sign when that document arrives. This then is your proof that you tried to pay your bill, keep a copy of that document.

You might just mail the remainder to the Ts office too. Then you wouldnt have to worry about an outsta ding balance.

 

[FauxLiz]

I am going to come in on the other side and say leave your current T out of the situation. This is a somewhat legal/medical issue between you and your previous T. I won't disagree that seeing your T previous or current in a non-therapy setting can be awkward. I will state however that as a professional - not in the therapeutic field but a professional position none the less and there are many times that I do not return emails in 5 days or less. You are no longer their patient and not a top priority for your previous T to return you email.

Now on the outstanding balance - call the front desk and ask for an account balance, unless the T is a sole practitioner they very likely do not manage your outstanding account balance.

I think the bigger issue is your notes and you are right to want them back but at the same time may not have them any longer. Your previous T may have destroyed them already if not you may still have to go through the process of sending a formal letter to your previous T asking for the notes or proof they have been destroyed. But again it should not come from or go through your current T.

 

[Nessa7]

I think it would be a very good idea to talk to your T. They are going to be your best source of information about what the specific laws are where you live without having to go to a lawyer.

It might be a good idea to start preparing yourself for the possibility that you will not be able to have your notes to your old T destroyed. Unfortunately, there might be a limit to what you can do in this situation.

 

[GWhizz]

Thanks for the replies.

I spoke to my current T. She thinks it's very important we address issues I had with my prior T so we don't have it affecting my therapy now or repeat similar mistakes.

To clarify, the notes were my handwritten notes/emails, not the T's clinical notes. There was a contractual agreement that we could destroy them at whatever point I wished. I simply didn't really consider it until I bumped into her again. She works independently and so I am going through her licencing board in a complaints process at the moment though my T did say she was open to contacting her on my behalf should I wish.

I am a healthcare professional myself so I understand that she has no obligation to me now as a client. However, she can close the loop by fulfilling her agreement. I don't want to see her or speak to her. I just want this part finished and even moreso now I realise she fails to be honest or upfront with me. If she doesn't wish to finalise her payment, at least I tried, I can't do much more on that end.

 

[Justmehere]

Ugh. I'm so sorry she is being a flake on destroying your notes and writings that you gave her and that she agreed to destroy at any point in time. It's hard when a professional is less than professional and breaks a clear promise. :hug:

 

[GWhizz]

Ugh. I'm so sorry she is being a flake on destroying your notes and writings that you gave her and t...

Thank you @Justmehere. I just wanted her to confirm one way or the other. Instead she ignored it, totally invalidating it's significance and tells me I need professional help! I feel empowered seeing her for who she really is though. I can't believe I invested so much in her, following her lead and writing as she encouraged. Lesson learned. I will be a lot more tactful and discerning from here on in.

 

[PeaceWishes]

I am sorry to hear your therapy experience resulted in such an uncomfortable way for you. I think having your new T talk with your old T would be a great option. Im really hoping for resolution of this regarding your exposed notes, and hope that at the very least your old T stays true to her oath and is still thinking in your best interest. Wishing you peace with this, Lord knows there are bigger fish for you to fry. This is an added source of anxiety you shouldn't have to deal with.

With my old T I couldn't speak much so wrote a lot down. The agreement was that we'd dispose of it toget...