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Childhood Getting spanked and striped naked waist down as a kid traumatized me

#37
It’s f lame and I’m tired of the arguments and really want something done!
You’ll need to learn to use the right words, then.

- Timeout is NOT being locked in a basement for a week, without food, water, a toilet, or heat in the winter.

- Spanking is NOT being beaten, whipped, or sexually molested.

- A goodnight kiss is NOT oral rape, or grooming for future sexual assault.

People talk about timeouts, spanking, goodnight kisses, etc. as normal parts of everyday life... because they ARE normal parts of everyday life. Applied fairly, rationally, with both good intent and results. Because they are NOT abuse & neglect. Not even in the same universe as abuse and neglect.

You can continue to get mad at the rest of the world talking about how their fair and reasoned discipline (timeouts, spanking, etc.) were beneficial to them & their lives... or you could learn to use the words the rest of the world understands to be very different -& not even in the same universe- as fair and reasoned discipline (Abuse, beaten, whipped, flogged, sexually molested, etc.).

I know goodnight kisses & timeouts weren’t on your list, I’m hoping that they provide a good example of common ways abusers disguise their abuse (by using innocent ways to describe vile & violent acts against their kids)... that are hopefully not as charged as the word “spanking”.
 
Thread starter #38
You’ll need to learn to use the right words, then.

- Timeout is NOT being locked in a basement for a week, without food, water, a toilet, or heat in the winter.

- Spanking is NOT being beaten, whipped, or sexually molested.

- A goodnight kiss is NOT oral rape, or grooming for future sexual assault.

People talk about timeouts, spanking, goodnight kisses, etc. as normal parts of everyday life... because they ARE normal parts of everyday life. Applied fairly, rationally, with both good intent and results. Because they are NOT abuse & neglect. Not even in the same universe as abuse and neglect.

You can continue to get mad at the rest of the world talking about how their fair and reasoned discipline (timeouts, spanking, etc.) were beneficial to them & their lives... or you could learn to use the words the rest of the world understands to be very different -& not even in the same universe- as fair and reasoned discipline (Abuse, beaten, whipped, flogged, sexually molested, etc.).

I know goodnight kisses & timeouts weren’t on your list, I’m hoping that they provide a good example of common ways abusers disguise their abuse (by using innocent ways to describe vile & violent acts against their kids)... that are hopefully not as charged as the word “spanking”.
You’re right. I wasn’t sure about mine though. My thing is maybe if we didn’t have to take our bottom half of our clothes and underwear off I probably wouldn’t have been as effected by it on a mental level. I’m too embarrassed to ask anyone in real life if that’s how things happened for them too, but I’m really skeptical of people that I know that talk about it and how it’s just a quick pop over clothes. I’m so skeptical of people saying that. Probably because that was never my case growing up and I can’t believe someone who supports it wouldn’t lose their calm not once to the point of forcing someone to bare for it. But, I know I’m biased in thinking like this. What worries me is other people saying on here I could very well have a mental abnormality which is not the best news to hear not to mention invalidating. ..I wish I would have gotten help as a child at an earlier age. I feel like I contributed to it by starting to like pain, hitting myself and becoming obsessed about it (starting night time fantasies of having to receive them by anyone one my mind came up with as a 7 year old while I was supposed to be asleep dreaming) I didn’t admit this earlier but I started reading spanking erotica / looking at pictures of it happening (to adults) probably at the age of 12 if not 11 (not knowing it was erotica or that people got off on it, but ironically unknowingly getting off on while thinking they were just stories for entertainment). It’s a wonder I never got caught! Anyways I feel screwed completely, but not enough that I need to talk with a counselor about it. I dropped my counselor but know how to breathe through my triggers now. I still have phases where I get super masochistic and I’m not sure why that is or what causes it, but I wish I could just be normal. There’s times where I can’t stop thinking about it and I’m afraid I’ll say it out loud and confuse someone but those days pass. My counselor said it sounds like ptsd but I’m not sure if it is. Anyway, I think I went off on a very embarrassing tangent. It still helps to get this out there and this site has helped me to be more transparent about what exactly it is that’s the matter with me. ... I hope I don’t regret it later.
 
#39
What worries me is other people saying on here I could very well have a mental abnormality which is not the best news to hear not to mention invalidating. ..
If you stop to think about it, though? It can actually be far MORE validating.

To do one of those ‘not your problem’ examples? I live in a high tech-town, you can’t swing a cat without hitting someone with HFA or Aspergers. A disorder which comes along with GINORMOUS sensory issues, more often than not. Perfectly rational, loving, amazing parents... buy their children expensive, lovely clothes... with tags in the back. Parents who would NEVER take barbed wire, and whip their kids bloody across the neck and waist for 8 hours a day, and then soak the resulting cuts in salt & lemon juice all night, only to repeat it the next day with stinging nettles, then day 3 with angry wasps and bee, and the next day with poison ivy, and the day after with lit cigarettes. But when you’re dealing with sensory issues? That’s a super common one. Tags on the back of clothes feel like barbed wire, and stinging nettles, and poison ivy, and bee stings, and salt in open wounds, and being burned with cigarettes. <<< That these parents were just trying to do something nice? Doesn’t make the tags magically stop hurting. Because the neurological condition sending pain signals doesn’t turn off around nice people and on around mean people. It’s just on. 24/7.

If someone actually HAS a neurological issue? That’s not them just being a drama queen, or spoiled brat, or making a big deal over nothing.

One of the biggest tells that a neurological condition is in play is reacting off-the-charts to normal things. Whether that’s reading (dyslexia), physical contact (sensory issues, anxiety disorders, PTSD, HFA, ADHD, and a helluva lot of others, as a matter of fact, including wacky ones like a vitamin deficiency that super sensitises the skin or makes bones brittle but not enough to break/just feel like they’re breaking), a door slamming causing a panic attack (not just PTSD, but anxiety, panic, sensoery issues yet again, etc.).

Having a neurological condition? Doesn’t make how you react less important but MORE important.

Normal + Neurological Condition = Important
Abuse + Neurological Condition = Important
Neglect + Neurological Condition = Important
Neurological Condition = Important

Because, baseline, it’s ALWAYS important. In and of itself.

More validating. Not less.
 
Thread starter #40
If you stop to think about it, though? It can actually be far MORE validating.

To do one of those ‘not your problem’ examples? I live in a high tech-town, you can’t swing a cat without hitting someone with HFA or Aspergers. A disorder which comes along with GINORMOUS sensory issues, more often than not. Perfectly rational, loving, amazing parents... buy their children expensive, lovely clothes... with tags in the back. Parents who would NEVER take barbed wire, and whip their kids bloody across the neck and waist for 8 hours a day, and then soak the resulting cuts in salt & lemon juice all night, only to repeat it the next day with stinging nettles, then day 3 with angry wasps and bee, and the next day with poison ivy, and the day after with lit cigarettes. But when you’re dealing with sensory issues? That’s a super common one. Tags on the back of clothes feel like barbed wire, and stinging nettles, and poison ivy, and bee stings, and salt in open wounds, and being burned with cigarettes. <<< That these parents were just trying to do something nice? Doesn’t make the tags magically stop hurting. Because the neurological condition sending pain signals doesn’t turn off around nice people and on around mean people. It’s just on. 24/7.

If someone actually HAS a neurological issue? That’s not them just being a drama queen, or spoiled brat, or making a big deal over nothing.

One of the biggest tells that a neurological condition is in play is reacting off-the-charts to normal things. Whether that’s reading (dyslexia), physical contact (sensory issues, anxiety disorders, PTSD, HFA, ADHD, and a helluva lot of others, as a matter of fact, including wacky ones like a vitamin deficiency that super sensitises the skin or makes bones brittle but not enough to break/just feel like they’re breaking), a door slamming causing a panic attack (not just PTSD, but anxiety, panic, sensoery issues yet again, etc.).

Having a neurological condition? Doesn’t make how you react less important but MORE important.

Normal + Neurological Condition = Important
Abuse + Neurological Condition = Important
Neglect + Neurological Condition = Important
Neurological Condition = Important

Because, baseline, it’s ALWAYS important. In and of itself.

More validating. Not less.
So what you are saying is that what I went through was normal and my reaction is off and over the top because I have a neurological problem? But that’s okay because now that I’m labeled with that people will understand and accept me and my reactions now because of that?
Sorry if that’s a bit aggressive but that’s what I take it as. I understand what you’re saying it just sucks that people have normalized that to the point where someone like me who has a negative reaction to being forced to take their clothes and underwear off and lay over someone’s lap while I’m crying as they continuously hit me and then have to watch my brother and sister go through it as well is seen as not normal for being okay with that as an adult.

Fuzzy Sweaters don’t make me feel like knives are jarring into my skin, what happened didn’t feel like I was getting a car smashed on my bum. If anything it was more of a mental and emotional effect and there are plenty of others that have had a similar effect that I did. Type in spanking in your search engine (most likely you’ll get at least one mention of porn/ or multiple porn sites) and see what comes up. I don’t look up things like that because I’m angry about it and I really want nothing but to heal but there’s no denying that something is off with it.
 
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#41
So what you are saying is that what I went through was normal and my reaction is off and over the top because I have a neurological problem? But that’s okay because now that I’m labeled with that people will understand and accept me and my reactions now because of that?
Not what I said at all. Look back, and you’ll see 4 listed options IF a neurological thing is in play. Not 1. And my entire point was that IF a neurological condition is in play, it does NOT invalidate anything, much less everything.

Sorry if that’s a bit aggressive but that’s what I take it as.
Then I would suggest you wait until you’re not pissed off to go back and reread it. As, again, that’s not what I said.
 
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