Getting Too Near...

[Barconian]

It all comes down to having to tell T and R to..... what? "Uh, stop staring at me. Stop trying to be close to me.

You are in my space... Could you please give me some room and you in the corner, my face is up here not down there

 

[Spiderallis]

Sounds like the day program is pretty awesome, aside from the lacking communication amongst staff and their understanding of PTSD. It's tricky to set boundaries between people who aren't good with boundaries- both PTSD and schizophrenia would complicate that, but in very different ways. Would a T type person or another member of the group be willing to sit down with you and the two men and talk through the process? Having another person involved to make sure things are communicated clearly would be helpful for me.

 

[Red Feather]

Thanks to both of you. Yes Spiderallis, that is exactly what will happen.

It's been intense today. My therapist gave me another appointment for tomorrow because we didn't have enough time for this. All day, just talking or thinking about this brings up the tears. I talked to the boss of the day center and she was really nice. She knows R very well and is going to talk to both of them, and I will be there too. My friend suggested me writing a letter to R and giving it to him.

I like that idea the most. It communicates that I have a hard time talking about it and I think it can reach him much better. Paper is so much more official. Yeah, so I'm taking a day off tomorrow, and have the weekend to recuperate. Upsetting that this has thrown me off so much.

Thanks again.

 

[Red Feather]

Things have gone not the way it was expected... and I am not doing so well with the way things are. The mere presence of this guy puts me in to little girl dissociated modus, which makes me unwell and it doesn't go away. If its a question of whether or not he is safe, what is clear is that he is not able to respect boundaries. I didn't talk to him but the social worker did. I didn't give him the note either. I asked the social worker if I should not have been there during the discussion, but apparently she had not understood that. Misunderstandings again.

I am very weary now. I am not going today. I'm missing out on fitness because of this. If my feelings are right and I am not just being too sensitive, than I don't understand why I have to confront the fears. I am not understanding this way of thinking.

 

[Red Feather]

Its like they're telling you to play chicken because you lost someone in a car accident.

I am agreeing with you now. Something is off here. Me not wanting to go back is not avoidance, its protection. It makes me angry to see how people are reacting to this. I might be very sensitive, but being sensitive does not mean I'm sick.

Where did the rest of your post go?

 

[Echo]

@Nadia - I'm new here, relatively speaking, and don't know your story. But I just wanted to ask whether you are obliged to go to this centre. If not, I was wondering whether you could get some of the good things you get there somewhere else.

The reason I suggest this is that many people, my therapist included, don't consider PTSD to be a mental illness, on the one hand, but a natural response by a mentally healthy person who has been subjected to unnatural stressors. On the other, she takes the view that it is really bad for us to be continually triggered and retraumatised. It is one thing to have to set boundaries - yes, most of us need to learn that - but to be forced to be around people who, through no fault of their own, are just unable to respect them. To me that just sounds like a recipe for well not quite disaster but not good progress for you anyway.

I would really encourage you, if possible, to be working with a fully qualified trauma therapist. I'm not sure from what you say that these therapists know enough (or even anything in the case of the intern) about PTSD, and you deserve proper treatment.

 

[The Albatross]

The boundaries Nadia and learning how set them is your responsibility. The detriment to taking a passive role in problem solving is that seldom do things go as I hope. Yet is it my responsibility to do the more uncomfortable thing and set and defend the boundary.

I am not understanding why you are calling it protection when there has been no direct threat and you have not set boundaries in place. It is avoidance. You are missing fitness because you took a passive role in problem solving. How did your extra session go?

If fears prevent you from doing something or being somewhere you desire to be, then confronting them and working through the difficulty is proactive.

 

[The Albatross]

The appropriate use of anger is to initiate change. Group dynamics are microcosms of personalities... learning how to cope, adapt, adjust, set boundaries is all part of the process.

 

[Red Feather]

If going, like I did yesterday, and notice.. I did go... even though my entire body rebelled against going... and if this means becoming very shaky and about to cry any minute, and now being totally off balanced... this means I need to find my protective space and boundaries before I go to a place like this. It may have nothing to do with that guy, but still it is necessary. Thats clear for me now.

 

[Red Feather]

He didnt respect my boundaries. That is not an illusion. And now I have to find them again.

 

[The Albatross]

Ultimately the decision is whether you give in to the passive role and avoidant behavior, or whether you choose that short term stress, and anxiety are worth potential long term growth and gain. Up to this point you have benefited from this program. Rationally, no group dynamic is ever conflict or trouble free. The task at hand is endeavoring to do the uncomfortable thing and being an active participant in problem solving rather than staying in a passive role expecting the parties involved to solve the problem for you.

I think I would probably try to arrange a meeting with the group moderator and have an open and honest dialogue where you can express your thoughts/feelings and concerns but also listen to the feedback you receive.

 

[The Albatross]

Boundaries once set, will be tested. Time and consistency is necessary to effect the change.