Girl At Work !!!!

[Mosaic]

Your personalization is a red flag... and your disproportionate response/reactivity to a work situations is a big indication that you are out of balance.

Ofcourse I'm out of balance, aren't all sufferers?
I'm aware that my reaction is blown up, everything is always worse than it really is to me and this definitely got me

 

[Mosaic]

What does that mean, you came into work after an overdose and after slashing your wrists? Did you take the overdose and then went to work? And further, did you slash your wrist and then decided to go to work? Or were you first in the hospital for a certain time and after that time you went back to work?

With the overdose I went into work the next day ( very unwell but it was onlye and one other in) after vomiting up the drugs, seeking medical help overnight and being looked after by a friend. I was scared to not go in because my manager had it in for me.

And with slashing my wrist, again it was a day or so later, my partner came home and found me in bed with lots of blood and looked after me.

What I meant was that I didn't take any time off whilst battling what was my hardest time which was when the things I gave examples of were occurring.
I should have taken a couple of days off but i felt like I was going crazy and having to pretend to be ok at work means I can pretend to myself for a while as well

 

[Mosaic]

Your post hints at martyrdom. Do you want a round of applause for coming into work after slitting your wrists and denying your own self care?

I resent this comment, that was not my point at all and it sounds like a very insensitive thing to say.
This is nothing to do with martyrdom or "look how strong I am for coming in to work, give me sympathy" this was me going over painful things I've had to battle through.
And no I didn't just slit my wrists then go to work, everything listed was an example of things that happened within a timeframe of a couple of months in which I didn't seek time off. - listed because they are things that are going round in my head and making me upset to remember.
Thankyou for your input although sensitivity and trying to understand what you're commenting on better before writing a potentially upsetting comment is probably more effective

 

[StarChild]

'm suprised at these comments

What did you expect to hear? Or what would you want to hear?

 

[Mosaic]

What did you expect to hear? Or what would you want to hear?

I didn't want to hear anything but I'm suprised that my rant is being quoted as martyrdom and being annoyed that I don't have attention when it's really very simple that what my colleague has brought up is something very close to home that is going to bring up a lot of things

 

[Recovery4Me]

Generally speaking but of course there are exceptions...when new members hear something from several of the seasoned crowd, it is solid to accept the post as offering support in your journey. The girl is not the source of this intense of an reaction...your appraisal of the situation is strictly within your control.

Perhaps part of you desired that you offered yourself more self care and didn't minimize your own needs. Self-cutting is a cry out. :hug::hug: I am sorry that you are in pain. And I am sorry she is in pain too.

Peace.

 

[Casey_03]

I have to say, that for years prior to my diagnosis I drank excessively and generally behaved like the life of the party. It was all a mask and I was sinking quite rapidly, though I too failed to take it seriously at the time. So saying she doesn't have PTSD and she isn't taking things seriously -- to me that's not really fair. How do you know she doesn't have PTSD? How do you know she doesn't go home and cry herself to sleep every night? She may not be taking things seriously, but that might just mean she's in denial. For many of us, that's how this all begins. It certainly doesn't mean she is not suffering from something serious. You know her better than we do, so maybe you are aware of things that we aren't. But to me, it really doesn't seem fair to dismiss her so easily. That said, I might also just feel this way because the way you describe her reminds me of my first few years battling PTSD/depression/etc, before I realized what was wrong. Regardless of whether or not she is faking things, don't worry too much about her. It clearly upsets you, so maybe the best thing for you to do is reflect and try to figure out why she is such a major stressor.

 

[The Albatross]

I can't even completely explain why this is upsetting me so much to be honest.

I think it's because now she's come out with this, I'm going over everything that I've battled with and still am, thinking about everyone I've lost and everything I've missed out on because of my PTSD crippling me and for whatever reason, her coming out with something close to me is just making me go "you have NO idea"

Bingo, that is a solid observation about the reason you're upset. That, and that her choices are reckless and that you see that maybe too.
Her situation is her situation, you're experiences are yours. What happens to her/what she does... happens to her. If she is faking, yeah it would bother me to a degree because it could affect the level of support I got or didn't get in the work place.

 

[Chava]

I think it's because now she's come out with this, I'm going over everything that I've battled with and still am, thinking about everyone I've lost and everything I've missed out on because of my PTSD crippling me and for whatever reason, her coming out with something close to me is just making me go "you have NO idea"

Okay, that's fair enough. But still consider that your act of comparison is causing your anger, not really her. We all struggle in very individual ways.

Some of my traumas would not have created PTSD in every other person (like an assault I partly remember, an assault I don't remember except for waking up, a couple near-death hospitalizations in early childhood, several suicide attempts and waking up strapped to a hospital bed without knowing where I was or how I got there). Some people get through these things without major psychological consequences....but how horrible if they'd call me a wimp for not making it through. It depends a lot on early childhood attachment, safety, previous traumas, and also current coping skills and supports. By the time I was assaulted I tried to kill myself. Not everyone responds that way. My mom was assaulted and told me it was no big deal to her. So her own coping mechanism was dangerous in its own way. It also allowed for zero compassion for others' experiences. For me, this comes down to why your anger reads as possibility misdirected.

But also, aside from what I remember or know of, I have many childhood signals for early sexual abuse that I don't remember. Also, I remember later physical abuse but have experiences that suggest it happened when very young. These might be my worst "memories" but I can't access them. You really don't know what this girl has experienced or what seemingly little things are setting off possibly bigger things. Sometimes we don't even know ourselves.

Maybe her smaller stressors (by your comparisons, and even assuming it's possible for you to know her whole life experience) are still not what she is able to cope with. Maybe you just weren't clear about your anger and several of us read it as misdirected, or something worth examining on your part. But if you were expecting nothing this kind of post fits more in a diary than on a forum.

Anyway, I can understand feeling initially pissed off by someone like this. If the anger continues or you find yourself intensifying it and justifying it through comparisons, just notice that because comparisons aren't fair to you or her.

 

[anonymous]

Uhm, OK, well I can only comment on what is put in front of me, and you do act like you want a medal for going into work after slitting your wrists because you were able to "suck it up" while your co-worker has chosen to take care of herself. Sounds like your a bit jelly.....yeah, jealous that she is able to take care of herself while you're scared shitless to even ask off of work. You're jealous that she has the cajones to stand up for her own needs while you cower in fear and don't take care of yourself. So, now you're jealousy eats away at you and since you can't deal with it, you get pissed off. It really is all about you and has nothing to do with her. Don't be a hater because some other person takes care of their own needs in a way that you can't take care of yourself.

 

[Kintsugi]

I suggest you ignore the person calling you a coward who is posting anonymously...

I'm going to come at this from a different angle.

I think healing is awesome. It's great. Examining your reactions and identifying stressors is just the bees knees.

But you said you wanted to vent. Please, vent.

I had a co-worker who is one of the most malicious people I have ever met. One night, she takes a break from her psycho bullying me and decides she wants me to be a kind ear for her troubles.

Because, you see, she has so many family problems.

She's not close to her cousins. They're just Facebook friends. It's terrible. Ever since her grandparents passed, her family is less close, doesn't gather as much, and is not in daily contact, the way she feels families should be.

Incest survivor here, whose family didn't believe her at first and then decided I was exaggerating the situation.

It took all of my willpower not to unload and/or strangle this bitch.

Was it my own personal reaction to hearing her woes, which she felt were tragic? (I'm not kidding, this was some real shit as far as she was concerned, and she emphasized how much it killed her on a daily basis) Sure. Sure it was. It was my own personal reaction based on what I've been through. Was I comparing? Hell yes I was. Was I really f*cking livid that she kept going on about this and prompting me regularly to agree what a tragedy this was? Oh. I was. I was really. F*cking. Livid. Did I want to tell her to stand in the road until a truck hit her? Boy, did I!

Is it okay that I felt this rage? Almost like an indignation? Yeah. It is okay. I can feel however the f*ck I want to, thanks. Do I want to analyze why this made me angry? No. No I don't. I bitched about it to a friend, who grew up in an abusive home with a seriously messed up family dynamic, and I felt better, and I went on my way ignoring this daft punk of a co-worker as best I could.

Y'know why? Because sometimes, you just gotta let it all out and move on.

So I'm quite happy for you to let it all out without doing an introspective exercise. If you decide this has bothered you and you want feedback on the origin of your emotions, you go girl. If not? Don't. Move on. Bigger fish to fry, amiright?

Maybe this chick had a terrible life. Maybe she has PTSD, DID, BPD, and psychosis. Maybe she's lazy and likes attention. Maybe she has f*cking Munchausen Syndrome. Am I participating in your thread to theorize on the actuality of her problems? Not at all. I'm participating because you want to vent, and I am lending you my ear--er, eyes. :)

 

[Nam]

I like what Simon said. I also want to mention that after you acknowledge these feelings toward her, then go about your business. Do only what you have to do for your job, not your feelings or for her feelings. Follow protocol, do your job well, and know that each one of these instances in life that stretch our emotional capabilities is what makes us grow. It causes us to really learn about ourselves, it makes us look inward to why we feel this way and how we can change our perceptions of other people to protect ourselves from soul chipping emotions.