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Giving up during simple tasks

Ecdysis

MyPTSD Pro
So, maybe this is just hallmark depression and it just is what it is, but one thing that's driving me nuts with this episode of major depression is my absolute tendency to just "give up" in the middle of even seemingly simple tasks.

Like doing the dishes... only 2 or 3 dishes in, I'll be flooded with feelings of hopelessness, pointlessness, uselessness and I'll just give up, close to tears.

This happens allllll the time. You'd think I'd be able to summon even an ounce of willpower and to tell myself "Okay, you don't have to finish all the dishes, but let's do half now and then you can do the other half later on."

But no. It is a drama of despair and tears and giving up with each goddamned plate or spoon.

Am I missing something obvious? Should I be approaching it differently?
 
Time - it's all about time. First time I went fishing on the ocean my grand uncle told me - look at the horizion - far away - and it minimizes the motion you feel and you won't get sea sick.

PTSD is the same in a way with time. We get so focused on now - now is all there is. So I look at my calendar - next week, next month, my next therapy appointments.....

Stretch time in front of you out if that makes sense. I find my sense of time both past and future are affected all the time and they need perspective to stop everything from being about now. So doing the dishes is forever.

But it's one of the places PTSD lies to you - a whole bunch. Doing the dishes is for a few minutes.....and you are doing them for tomorrow.
 
I talked to the AI and it pointed out that with depression, brain chemistry is screwed...

So, I think a big thing for me is also that my brain gives me zero positive feedback, as I'm doing tasks.

Normally, I'd be washing dishes and my brain would be like "Ooh, look two plates are clean already, only seven more to go... nice..."

But with depression, I'll wash two dishes and my brain's response will be "This sucks, I'd rather be dead"

Which is, uhh, hugely motivating...! No wonder I just give up and cry...

I'm gonna have to think up some skills/ tricks/ hacks for this...

So, I'm going to set myself these two goals for this evening: wash 5 dishes and do some active cheerleading for my brain and clean the guinea pig cage, again with active cheerleading for my brain, and time both tasks and then note down how long they took me and then do something nice afterwards, as a reward.
 
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radical acceptance causes me rounds of something similar. coming to terms with the facts of life is a bit like doing household chores. . . the job never ends and can feel as infinite as as the grains of sand upon the shore. no point to building my castle. the tide's just gonna wash in and carry it away.

when i let it be okay to leave the chores undone and gently lean into the radical acceptance, my fondness for orderly hygiene always seems to resurface as i process whatever unpleasantry i am accepting on this go-round.
 
Got the guinea pig cage done too. This task wasn't so easy. Many more triggers involved. That made me realise that the depressed brain is also a lot more open/ vulnerable to triggers. So any "simple" task is actually a simple task with 38 potential triggers thrown in. So, no wonder my depressed brain struggles. I had to do a lot more cheerleading for this task. Really actively give myself permission for breaking it down into smaller steps, reminding myself to take my time, telling myself it didn't need to be perfect, just good, reminding myself not to get frustrated when things didn't go smoothly, cheering at the half-way mark...

Oof... got it done tho.

I ended up forgetting to time both tasks (dishes and guinea pig cage) so I could only guess how few minutes each task actually took. A ridiculously small number, I know, compared to the huge stress and avoidance my brain turns the task into.

Anyway, both tasks were successfully accomplished and I'm trying to do kind self-talk about it and really reward myself. Earlier I realised that the whole intrinsic reward thing is broken in my depressed brain. Nothing I accomplish, nothing that is positive actually sets off a feeling of joy in my brain. So I need to start actively building up that function of my brain again. So yah... well done brain... you really did do well. When I consider how sore, tender and broken a depressed brain is, you did great, you've been a champ.
 
We get so focused on now - now is all there is. So I look at my calendar - next week, next month, my next therapy appointments.....

Stretch time in front of you out if that makes sense.
Huh yeah, interesting...! I agree that time gets warped in truly ridiculous ways with depression and PTSD. Getting the brain to shift it's perspective about the time aspect is a really good idea. Thank you. : )
gently lean into the radical acceptance
Ooh yeah... Did I tell you I flunked radical acceptance class? Still working on that one... but thank you, it's an important reminder.
 
Woo Hoo!! Way to go. Feels better now its done doesn't it?

One thing I find with stuff like this is there are times of the day they are easier. I find when I get up and I'm starting to make breakfast, I can fit in a few tasks and just git em done while I'm waiting for a pan to warm up or something.....
 
So, maybe this is just hallmark depression and it just is what it is, but one thing that's driving me nuts with this episode of major depression is my absolute tendency to just "give up" in the middle of even seemingly simple tasks.

Like doing the dishes... only 2 or 3 dishes in, I'll be flooded with feelings of hopelessness, pointlessness, uselessness and I'll just give up, close to tears.

This happens allllll the time. You'd think I'd be able to summon even an ounce of willpower and to tell myself "Okay, you don't have to finish all the dishes, but let's do half now and then you can do the other half later on."

But no. It is a drama of despair and tears and giving up with each goddamned plate or spoon.

Am I missing something obvious? Should I be approaching it differently?
#metoo
 
Like doing the dishes... only 2 or 3 dishes in, I'll be flooded with feelings of hopelessness, pointlessness, uselessness and I'll just give up, close to tears.
Oh, this is so me, except I think I'm too depressed to cry.
But with depression, I'll wash two dishes and my brain's response will be "This sucks, I'd rather be dead"
I usually stop at the feeling. I do a couple of dishes (or whatever), and then just give up. Go sit. This has been one of my biggest issues for a very long time.
 
I like to use my experience of what I’m like when I’m depressed to my advantage.

I love achieving goals. I can be very goal-oriented. So I set achievable goals, I literally write them down - that way I can tick them off. Each tick is visible evidence that I did, actually, get something done. Doesn’t work if I’m setting goals that I can’t achieve.

I personally bring out my very own Function Meter: 10 basic daily activities (mostly around self care) that (1) benefit my mental health, even if I don’t feel better for doing them (because I won’t - hello anhedonia!); and that tend to go down the toilet when I’m depressed. Things like brushing my teeth twice a day, or getting dressed into clean clothes, or eating 3 meals. That gives me a score out of 10, which means I can gauge just how bad/good I’m doing relative to last week, last month, last year. It also means that I can improve my score by doing something as simple as brushing my teeth.

The other thing I do? Is a I reduce my expectations. If dishes are a “hell no” situation, or just too damn hard? Bring out the frozen dinners that I can eat straight out of the carton, disposable cutlery if that’s required - make it easier to succeed.

I actually find the dishes calming (it’s one of my daily mindfulness activities). My thing was grocery shopping. Hate it. Can’t face it. Hell no. And it becomes a monstrosity really quickly. The list just gets longer and longer. So when I’m depressed? I bulk buy. Everything. If it isn’t long-life, I don’t bother. Because that task, when I’m unwell, is too hard. And that’s actually okay. Because I know I can win in other areas. Like - hey, if I brush my teeth before bed, I did better today than I did yesterday, and even if I don’t feel better for it, I know rationally that it is helping.

Make life easier for yourself. Reduce your expectations. And give yourself wins for the small things that you can do. If dishes are too hard for you? Coffee takes the same from cardboard disposable cups. It isn’t always about forcing ourselves through every gruelling task.
 
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