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Goal of The Day-Challenging Your PTSD

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I will make a new attempt to write those letters.

One is a attempt to stand up for my self, and tell the psychiatrist I have to see again in a couple of weeks how I feel about how he have treated me. Not in an attempt to make him change, since I don't think he will, but to be able to feel less humiliated when he treat me like a dishonest and very sick person. OK; I am sick, but not in that way he thinks. And I don't lie. It's very humiliating to be treated as a insane liar, when all you have is a "complex PTSD" and a intense personality(but not in a sick way; except for when the hyperviligance has it grip on me).

Not a very good day, had so much stress in my dreams and I'm having a lot of 'bodymemories', so I will have to really push my self to do this now. "Just do it!"
 
I will tread careful at this time, neither bending to self destructive thoughts nor bending to quick reliefs or escapism to find my answers. I will walk this middle ground, clearing and yanking the weeds from the path. To allow for the light to take away what is now dark. I will be patient to allow the middle ground answers to come as they are hidden yet. I will be patient to allow the extremes of views to settle as new knowledge presents itself. I will be open to that new way of thinking.

I will have to be ok with the limbo state I am in as my mind and heart joins to create healing. To create answers, to create peace again in the stormy waters of the grief I am feeling. I must stay strong.
 
I finished the first letter late last night! And I was so relieved and even a bit proud of my self for winning the fight against those 'demons in my head'(talking about how useless I am, how I shouldn't even try to think than anyone would ever like me, that I should just give up and die etc, etc)! And this days plan was to write that other important letter- and I managed to do it!

Tomorrows plan is seeing my therapist, and posting the first letter. (The last one I need to complement the second letter with some other papers first, before posting that very important application.)
 
Get to talk to my neighbor today about an ongoing problem we have with missing door keys here in the building we live in. Then we get up in the morning and find our door unlocked, though we with certainty locked it before we went to bed. This is unnerving to say the least. What is the person who unlocks these doors doing? We don't find anything missing, but then Identity Thieves don't take anything, only info they can USE to rip you off! When my door being unlocked happened to me when I first moved in here, I closed my checking account right away and opened a new one. And even though it is against the supposed rules here to put a chain on our doors, she did so yesterday and I did so a long time ago.

Trouble is, I forget to use it!!! I take my dog out before I go to bed and then I in tiredness I forget to chain the door. Not good...
 
Going to try and push myself to exercise. I deserve to look and feel good about myself. It's just so difficult to actually feel that and accomplish it.
 
I did go to the dentist. I caught the train and plane to the Gold Coast. I slept on the train and on the plane. Coming up here was stressful for me.
 
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