Going Back To College And I Can't Stop Worrying.

[FabulousEnding]

I've been trying desperately to find a dog I can use as a service dog so I can take it to school with me, but either I get a dog that's not a good fit or I wait 1-2 years to get maybe get a service dog grant. I start school in August and waiting that long for a service dog defeats the purpose. My trauma therapist said she thinks it's a great idea and that she'll write me a script for a service dog or an emotional support animal, whichever meets my needs. Since it seems I'm not going to be able to get an SD, I'm going to be on my own and left to my own devices. I mean, I still have my weekly trauma appointments scheduled out 1-2 months in advance.

Any ways that have worked for you to manage everything? I have a massive list of accommodations since they said they'd give me whatever I need. I just don't like the idea of being somewhere completely new all alone with nothing familiar.

 

[Friday]

Things I do

1) Get comfy ahead of time.
- a few weeks in advance start taking lunch to eat & a book to read.
- walk around
- essentially mark my territory. Make it a normal place. Move around, eat, use the restroom, wash my hands, get lost, make a mental map.
... If it's something I can't do on my own, enlist a friend to schlep about with me.
... If I'm short on friends, bring a camera
... Be okay with not leaving my car but chilling in the parking lot a few days in a row

2) Only take 1 class (or 2, if the 2nd is fluffy) to start / first quarter (I do this every time I head back to school. Because it always takes me awhile to relearn how to learn. Basic stuff, like "Oh! This is how I take notes!" And "Whoops. Flash cards. Forgot I used flash cards." down to my preferred study habits and even whether I like 1 class each day/6 days a week or 3 classes on the same day twice a week. )

2.5) Make sure that 1 class is interesting / not a basic requirement or boring class. I save those for when I'm taking 3 classes (full load), and sandwich them with interesting classes. All by their lonesome is just too hard. Yuck.

3) Do a lot of prep-work. Reading the first couple chapters, taking notes, doing practice exams, researching online, etc.

 

[Mystery]

FabulousEnding, I have just returned to tertiary study in the last two weeks. If it's any consolation, we don't get such amazing help here in Australia such as service dogs, so were on our own, as far as I know anyway. Someone please correct me if I'm wrong on that.

I was really anxious about the first day. I arrived, sat down at a bench and wrote my feelings and observations down in one of my note books I had taken. It helped me not to focus on my anxiety level. At lunch time, I also headed for my car on the first day and went for a drive, bought a coffee and relaxed in my car. I've been leaving there every day since at lunch time and I'm going to keep doing it, until I feel I don't need to.

I sat at the front so that I didn't have to focus on all the people in front of me, it helped. I did it also, because people who knew each other were chatting while the lecturers were talking which made me irritated. It's a good way not to get stuck at the door on the way out too, in the line.

I agree with FridayJones, being really prepared and organized is a good help for decreasing your anxiety. Also, set yourself up for success, as Friday is saying. Only take on what is achievable and realistic for you. I've been feeling more and more relaxed each day that goes by. I keep remembering that no one there knows anything about me and that I am completely free to 'fake it til I make it'. I'm not going to tell anyone about my difficult life story, I see this as a chance to redefine my present and start living a better future.

Already my brain is working better and that's making me feel more confident, things keep snowballing from there. I've made one buddy there too, she is a mature age student, like me and we discuss things we have in common related to being a Mum. I realized that just about everyone there feels the same about meeting new people and being unfamiliar with each other. I even took the brave step two days ago of going into the common room and asking some ladies if they didn't mind me sitting with them on the short coffee break. They were great. I just listened and was interested in the things they were talking about and showed it.

I've just been holding back a little, not rushing in to tell everyone my life story. When they enquire, I give a short sentence about having kids young and returning to study now. The thing to remember is that everyone feels like a new kid at school on the first day. Soon you make some acquaintances and in time you are part of a group. Just breathe deeply and congratulate yourself for getting this far, I think it's nothing short of a modern day miracle, being able to do what I have done this last two weeks. Keep reminding yourself of that. Best wishes, be brave, you can do it. :joyful:

 

[FabulousEnding]

Thanks FridayJones and Mystery. I hope it won't be as bad as I think. I must confess... I am a bit more freaked out since I had my first dissociative episode the other night, and my counselor said that with particular life events that come up (I was kidnapped for 9 months) that if the fear level is high enough, I will actually completely disassociate. Which is scary, you know? I just don't know what to do if I have episodes in class or get freaked out and want to drop out again. I really want this... Just intimidated. I'm going for biotechnology too... hardest program in the whole damn school.

But you two make a good point about preparing to go there and figuring out where to go on the campus and where to avoid. It will be nice for no one to know what I've been through, although with the list of requirements I'm demanding... they'll probably ask why I get to do lots of special things they aren't allowed to do. Plus, there will be times when I have to take medications in the middle of the day. I suppose I'm not going to be able to hide it that well. Especially when some days I feel great and others I look completely miserable... I go back and forth most of the time. I'm more stable now with my meds.

 

[Mystery]

Wow, that's a decent challenge you've set for yourself FabulousEnding, Standing Ovation to you for doing that in itself. I'm trying to imagine what I would feel in that situation and how I'd cope with that. What comes to mind was the time I was in a psych ward and didn't want to tell anyone about the traumatic circumstances that lead to me breaking down. I would say to people, including the psychiatrist, 'If I tell you the answer to that you won't get a good nights sleep either' and I would smile. Just a suggestion.:)

 

[Friday]

BioTech may be the hardest degree course... But that course is made up of single classes. Classes that build off of each other. Save the washout courses for once you're back in full swing and pair them with fluffy stuff. Underwater basket weaving. The many accents of Brad Pitt. Gym (I love this one. Sit on a bike and study and get credit for it? Done).

To keep in mind... Even in teeny tiny masters/PhD programs with like 6 students all but living in each other's pockets... Much less 400 student intro classes... Most people are pretty disinterested in other people / hyper focused on themselves.

Anyone quizzing you about what you were doing in the bathroom is a) almost non-existent, and b) easily brushed off. You are not obligated to answer everyone else's passing curiosities. ((Although I often do for laughs...In my family we have a rule: Ask a silly question? Get a silly answer. In almost 8 years of college work, I've been quizzed about my bathroom break twice. My answer? Drafting Middle East peace accords. Dude. It was the bathroom. Did you forget coffee today?)) Point being... Even if you have to leave in the middle of class? So does about half the class on a regular basis. It's not a big deal. Personally, I'll take meds in the middle of class, and the worst thing I've ever been asked is if I'll share. Nope. <grin> although you can have a lot of fun with this one : go treat your own STD, my rice crispies told me not to, so you have bad PMS right now, too?

 

[kylerobson]

You need not to worry. Enjoy your study and your college days with your friends. These are the days which you will remember in future... Make it beautiful.