Going Into Detail...

[RaiseYourGlass]

So I've been seeing my therapist off and on for about two years. I told her about a year and a half ago that I had been sexually abused for eight years by a family member. But then I stopped seeing her for awhile (insurance issues) and now I'm back.

Anyway, we haven't really talked much about the abuse. She doesn't bring it up as she wants me to go at my own pace. My real question is, is it weird that I kind of want to tell her the details of what happened? I have never told anyone. I just want to get it out. But I don't know if it would be weird for me to tell her the details. And I don't really know how to bring it up. I still feel like what happened was partially my fault...

I'm sorry for rambling. My question is simply, would it be weird for me to tell my therapist the specific details of the sexual abuse? And if not, any suggestions on how I could bring it up? I'm just scared that my therapist will view me differently, give up on me, or simply not believe me.

 

[Julesnaz]

I don't think it's weird you want to share. I think it's healthier than keeping it bottled up and will help the healing process. I don't have any suggestions for bringing it up, sorry, but good luck with everything!

 

[WillyKat]

Not weird at all. That's a need we all have. Silence is what the abusers need.

 

[scout86]

Rest assured, pretty much everyone thinks it's, somehow, "their fault" and also that who ever they tell will view them differently, Sometimes that's actually true, but not with someone who really cares about you and not with a good therapist. After all, what are you seeing her for anyway?

As for how to bring it up? Just a thought, but what if you say something very much like you did here? That you'd like to talk about it and you're wondering if that's weird and you're wondering if hearing the details will change how she feels about you? Then see where the conversation goes from there.

 

[BloomInWinter]

What you are describing is perfectly natural and a part of the healing process.

It still sucks. But it will get better.

Tell your therapist just what you shared in your first post. Exactly that. See where it goes from there. It's your journey. Attending therapy is like taking a class about yourself. You get to determine what's in the curriculum.

Try not to judge what you share, or how you share, or if you share. Just showing up shows a lot of inner strength. Many people cannot face even the prospect of therapy. Here you are, confronting it.

You deserve to feel good about that.

 

[Still waiting]

You are never at fault when anyone else hurts you as a child! If it happened as an adult; again you are not at fault! Take pack those guilt trip bags! Check them at the door ;-)

 

[Bedbug]

Hi @RaiseYourGlass. Welcome to the forum.

I don't think it's weird at all to want to share this with someone. Scout86 and BloomInWinter had good suggestions. Just have a general conversation about sharing before you share anything at all. It might make you feel more comfortable to write down some of your memories beforehand. You might also find it easier to tell your therapist in writing. But, if you're really uncomfortable with the whole idea, don't push yourself too hard. These things need to be done at the right pace.

 

[Barconian]

My real question is, is it weird that I kind of want to tell her the details of what happened?

No it's not weird!

 

[ellienad]

Just found this thread, as I'm currently struggling with the same thing. @RaiseYourGlass , did you manage to discuss details? If so, how did you go about it and how did it go? I've written out some details and my T has read them. It was very therapeutic and helpful, but now I feel like I'm at a place where I'm ready to actually talk things through...

 

[RaiseYourGlass]

I actually haven't yet. Honestly, I'm still struggling to even tell her that I want to talk about the details. I've given her background info on what I want to talk about. But we haven't gone any further. I'm thinking about writing a letter of sorts telling my t tht I want to tell her details and why I'm scared and such. Good luck!

 

[Sarah2732]

I think it's incredibly normal to want to tell the details and a really good sign that you have a good relationship and are starting to heal.

Would it be helpful to know how others broached the topic? For me, I first told my T by writing stories in third person about another girl. That gave me the opportunity to go into as much detail as I wanted, and have a plan. A few years later, I went through a book with her called the Sexual Healing Journey ( isbn 978-0062130730 ) which has fill in the blank sections and checklists that facilitated talking about really, really specific details of the acts committed. That book talks about how bringing those details into light is the first step to recognizing and eventually diffusing triggers and was really helpful for me.


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[ellienad]

@RaiseYourGlass Thanks for your reply. I definitely encourage writing the letter. Even the little bit of details that I've written out and had my T read was very helpful, I feel like it gave her some insight. I didn't feel so much like I was speaking in code ;)

Are you able to pinpoint why you are scared? I think for me, it's not that I'm scared of sharing the details themselves. It's that's I'm scared of how real it will make things... :unsure: