I just wanted to know since this thread was discussing it, why is it important to talk about the trauma? I figured since it was being brought up I should ask the question. How can saying exact details about sexual abuse make things better?
Gosh, that's a big question. Maybe someone else can share the "theory" behind why that's so important in the treatment of trauma, but in my personal experience it was valuable because I had this mess of memories and triggers, like, vacuum sealed tightly into a dark part of my brain and I never directly looked at it or thought about it, just avoided it and felt the pain seep out and unconsciously let my reactions to triggers control my whole life and every relationship. Breaking the seal on the secrets and decompressing the contents and dumping it out, every single bit of it, in front of someone I had learned to trust changed it.
1. Telling the secrets I was made to keep when I was young helped me regain control.
2. Telling my T details felt like having a witness. No one felt empathy for me when it was happening, or even was sorry it was happening. Telling her about it legitimized that my pain was real and what happened
was wrong. Allowing someone safe to know, in detail, what happened to me allowed them to see from their un-biased perspective what the truth about it is, and tell me the truth so I could learn to see it too. For me, part of that had to be unflinching honesty. I couldn't trust her when she said I was a good person and could heal unless she knew the very, very worst and most awful details.
3. I like the analogy of vacuum packed bag because when stuff is sealed in a vacuum packed bag, you can't move it around inside- just like how when your trauma is held in secret you can't really make changes to how you understand it or are affected by it.
4. Maybe the biggest was figuring out triggers. I used to just think my brain was chaos and my mood swings or bad days were random. Talking through the details of my abuse helped me realize how very random things, like a certain common compliment or a fast-food type paper napkin could evoke dramatic reactions in me because they reminded me of experiences with my abuser. Knowing my triggers and understanding them has gone a long way towards helping me cope when I'm affected by one.
Sharing the details was more-than cringe worthy. And I dissociated every.single.time even when having what I wanted to share written out in third person, but at the end of day I can see it really helped me- and in a way it felt really good to get out of me. I guess it felt a lot like throwing up. It was miserable and I never want to do it again. But I'm so, so, so glad I threw up and got it out. :)[DOUBLEPOST=1400120666,1400120389][/DOUBLEPOST]
So is a bad sign that I don't want to talk about the details of the sexual abuse? :/
I don't think so. Not having the desire to talk about the details doesn't mean you aren't actively in the process of healing and doing great. Maybe you are one of the minority who can process your trauma without talking about the details, and you are honoring the part of you that knows that. Maybe your T hasn't earned enough of your trust for you to feel like that's a safe thing. :)
