Going Sober

[Dylan]

Nearly three weeks ago I had a sobering (literally) realization: I was on the downhill slide toward alcoholism. I was getting to where I always bought two six packs because anything less wouldn't be enough and soon I'd need three. I'd supplement it with Oxy or Vicodin to smooth it all out, give it staying power.

The last 15 years have been a progression of heavier and heavier drinking (particularly the last 5). So often the thought was, "I just need to blow off steam", "just tonight - I won't drink/take Oxy for the next week", but sometimes there was little to no thought at all, just that happy Christmas feeling I'd get knowing I was going to get to get drunk that night. I was starting to sound like that portion in AA where they read off all the methods people try to drink normally.

Each day I'd go to work and go through the motions, but in the back of my mind there was this clock ticking off the time when it would be 'okay' to get drunk again. The clock used to demand two weeks between drunks, then one and, more recently, just a couple of days.

So, June 20th happened to be one of those "it's okay to get drunk" days and Tuesday morning I woke up and the song 'Sober' (by Pink) came to mind, particularly the lyrics:

"Ahhh, the sun is blindin'
Ohhh, stayed out again
Ohhhh, I am findin'
That's not the way I want my story to end"

Today is my 18th day without a drink.

-Dylan

 

[Sazza]

Just want to say good stuff on the 18 days, i know its still early days and you will have good and bad days but you are proving you can do it. It takes alot of courage to try and change our coping mechanisms so well done on coming this far.

Just remember i am not saying it will happen but if it does, we all have slip ups and its important to recognise these are all part of the journey acknowledging that from time to time we may slip up and can get back on the straight and narrow again if we just treat it as a blip. Like said not saying it will happen but preparing for these encounters helps us deal with it as and when.

 

[AngelaMarie]

It is so hard to change those behaviors. I also have a tendency to overdo with the drinking when I am running away from emotions and need to work on getting it under control better. So, I do understand.

Keep on Keeping on!! Don't get rough on yourself if you stumble. There is nothing wrong with falling. There is only a problem when you don't get back up.

Wishing you lots of strength!!:tup:

 

[Kb3]

Congratulations on looking after yourself. I wish you strength and peace!

 

[jomac]

I hope today is your 21st day of not drinking. I was using alcohol to avoid the pain all the time, now just occasionally, so I have alot of empathy for you. Drinking was not a great answer as sometimes all my anger and frustration would erupt out of me, not nice.

If only eating broccoli had the same numbing effect!! :rolleyes:

J

 

[ruffdeal]

I had to stop drinking too and for the same reasons.Funny i used to think "it can't get any worse than this" and it always did in ways i couldn't have imagined.If i am going to deal with my ptsd there is no other way but sober.Glad to hear you caught it and are doing well with it.

 

[Froggie]

Congratulations Dylan, I'm so proud of you for having dared to stop. Get some support / AA sponsor to help you through this. This is a mighty defeat you're taking on ... and with PTSD on top of that too. Sazza has some very good words for you, taking you into the reality. There is no time to go into wishful thinking ... uhhh uhn. Let us know how you're doing. We'll be there wether you succeed or not (this time) ...

 

[mamachick]

Congrats. Glad to hear it and know of all of your supports here

 

[Lionheart]

Congratulations on becoming sober, I know what it is like and you have done well! :) Just a suggestion or two for you; take it one day at a time and don't beat yourself up over it if you slip up. I found it was easier for me to quit drinking when I stopped counting the days I was sober, which is why I encourage you to take it a day at a time. I have no idea how long I have been sober, but I am a better person for it and wish you continued success!!!

 

[Gamereign555]

Good job and just keep it up. For me I had to realize that it wasn't the beer that I really wanted, it was ways for me to pass the time that was needed. It has brought me closer to myself and my girlfriend. I also put it in my girlfriends head that I don't want to drink like I used to. To this day I feel guilty that she has to feel like keeping an eye on me to make sure I am not drinking, but she told me the other day that she doesn't like the drinking anyway, and she herself does not drink.
It is not perfect but I am glad that I have safeguards in place to make me think twice about going to the store to fill up the trunk.

 

[Srain]

I hope you know that if you have not been able to this that that is okay too. The important thing is to just try :) There is NO
judgement here.

Peace and recovery,
Rain

 

[The Albatross]

Congratulations Dylan!!