Going To A New Resource Tomorrow

[Ayasha]

Over the weekend my resident director had to check in on me after I had a major meltdown and she suggested something my counselor had mentioned to me last year: visiting the Office of Victim's assistance here on campus.

I've been avoiding going in there for over a year now. I honestly don't know why but I just don't want to go. It's like every time I reach out for more help I'm admitting something happened to me, which I've suppressed and denied since a very young age.

My resident director is really awesome and she's walking with me tomorrow to meet with the head of the office but I'm still terrified. I don't know this woman, and I hate having to tell even the smallest amount of my past to other people.

I know it's a great resource available to me and I probably do need the support but I can't help thinking my trauma is so far in the past there is no point in going in.

I AM going tomorrow, I promised to meet my RD tomorrow, because I just don't have the courage to go in myself. I just don't. I'm scared.

 

[ms spock]

I am so glad you are going to a new resource.

It is scary to do something new. Good luck

 

[Sailorgal]

That's a brave step! Remember, you're doing it for YOU! Stay strong!!! :)

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am very happy for you. I am so glad that you have someone going with you. It makes a real difference when you are scared and alone. I need people to do things with. I get scared too. I am so proud of you. I hope this turns out to be a very good thing for you. Hugs.

 

[Ayasha]

It went alright.

The lady was very, very nice and my RD stayed with me most of the time (I nearly lost my mind when the lady asked her to step out of the room for a few minutes).

I think I was half-dissociated though because I don't recall everything we spoke about. I know she asked about 'what brought me there' which was brutal. I have trouble talking to people about that, I really do.

Their office has a different T available for us to use and they are having me meet with her tomorrow morning. I decided to at least meet this T once because she might be a very good resource but at the same time I don't want to leave my counselor.

I started hyperventilating and crying when I got back to my room but I managed to send my counselor an email and she explained to me that I can meet with this other T first and decide who I'd be more comfortable with.

I honestly don't think I'll use the other T as my regular counselor because I've been with my counselor for a year and I've grown to trust her immensely.

I'll let you guys know how tomorrow's appointment goes. And thank you all so much for the encouragement!!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Crossing my fingers for you. I wish you all the best. Good job on going to check it out.​

 

[Britt.f7]

Ayasha, it might be good to get another set of eyes, so to speak. Doesn't mean you have to leave the counselor that you are comfortable with, but it may give you other ideas to share with her.

What you are doing is very courageous. I know how difficult it is to open up(again) to a stranger, no matter how competent they may be in the field.

 

[Ayasha]

Britt,

Thank you for your encouragement. I did speak with my counselor today and she said that it's not a good idea to have two different counselors and that I'd need to decide who I'm more comfortable with.

I am still going to meet this other T tomorrow just to see what she is like but I honestly think I'll stay with my counselor. As I've said, I've grown to trust her very much and just an email from her about the situation for tomorrow calmed me down.

I'm still very, very nervous but I'm comforted that my RD is walking over to the office with me and my counselor is going to sit in for a few minutes at tomorrow's session. I am unsure how well I can handle telling even parts of my story again...especially two days in a row.

We'll see, I hope you are all well!

~Ayasha

 

[ms spock]

It is great that you are seeing other options for your treatment and healing Ayasha. This is proactive and brave.

 

[Ayasha]

I don't feel brave, I shook all the way through that meeting today and I am really scared about going tomorrow.

Something my counselor has told me: courage does not mean the absence of fear.

I'm trying really hard to keep that in mind right now.

~Ayasha

 

[Britt.f7]

Thought you might like this quote, I came across it yesterday:

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.'" - Mary Anne Radmacher

 

[Sailorgal]

Change can be tough. Remember, you're doing this for YOU!!!! Sometimes scary can be a good thing-it can mean we are progressing to new levels. :)