Bubblegum
Learning
I was talking to my new T (I'm Bipolar type 2, with ASD and ADHD, general anxiety and depression)
And I got the "verdict" today, if you could say that. Turns out I actually do have PTSD
I'm a little sad, but also relieved, I've been invalidating all of my struggles as "just me being lazy, needing to fix myself",
but this time around there was no bootstraps to pull in, and I couldn't figure out, as to why there weren't any left.
But, I knew it, deep down in my heart, that, there could be a chance. But now I know, now I know what all these feelings are,
That I have been struggling with for the past 5 years, that it's not just me getting sicker from my pre-existing ailments. I was not getting the treatment I needed.
The past three T's didn't even want to comment on it, due to their expertise being, general anxiety and depression. (Idk why my doctor sent me their way)
But this time around it was different, the first time I came in was a double session, I was welcomed with a warm smile, empathy, I didn't even say anything, I explained my symptoms, and some history, and my new T went "wait, have you never been tested for Ptsd? why?"
it felt validating in a odd way. But knowing what I know now, I'm just so overwhelmed, I don't really know what to feel, I'm relieved, sad, happy, angry, just so many different things. I feel like in a way things are less confusing, like knowing this, I can get to understand myself better, it's overwhelming emotionally still, but maybe I can recover now.
And I got the "verdict" today, if you could say that. Turns out I actually do have PTSD
I'm a little sad, but also relieved, I've been invalidating all of my struggles as "just me being lazy, needing to fix myself",
but this time around there was no bootstraps to pull in, and I couldn't figure out, as to why there weren't any left.
But, I knew it, deep down in my heart, that, there could be a chance. But now I know, now I know what all these feelings are,
That I have been struggling with for the past 5 years, that it's not just me getting sicker from my pre-existing ailments. I was not getting the treatment I needed.
The past three T's didn't even want to comment on it, due to their expertise being, general anxiety and depression. (Idk why my doctor sent me their way)
But this time around it was different, the first time I came in was a double session, I was welcomed with a warm smile, empathy, I didn't even say anything, I explained my symptoms, and some history, and my new T went "wait, have you never been tested for Ptsd? why?"
it felt validating in a odd way. But knowing what I know now, I'm just so overwhelmed, I don't really know what to feel, I'm relieved, sad, happy, angry, just so many different things. I feel like in a way things are less confusing, like knowing this, I can get to understand myself better, it's overwhelming emotionally still, but maybe I can recover now.