Grandpa And Me

[jade]

If I place this in the wrong spot please forgive. My grandpa passed away from liver and stomach cancer last Sept. Last night I remembered a conversation that we had when I was @ 9 or 10. He lived at the base of a mountain and we were walking back up the lawn arm in arm talking as we went. Don't remember mopst of the conversation but I can remember telling him that when I grew up that I was going to live on the top of a mountain like a hermit with just the animals as my friends. Grandpa just looked down at me and said "you pribably will porkchop". Shortly before he died we talked about that day and I told him I did it. I live at the top of the mountain that our town was named for, my closest neighbors are a quarter of a mile away in every direction. We could't afford to have the power lines so we run the house off a generator and propane appliances. Because of the PTSD I am the hermit because of the difficulty of leaving the house. Have two dogs and two cats. My mare died this past spring. Still have problems dealing with that. Coincidence or what?:think:

 

[GR-ass]

You must feel safe there hon.

I love the mountains too. I told my own grandaddy the last time I saw him alive that I was going to move to the tablelands one day.

 

[jade]

Yes I do feel safe there. If you take me out of the mountains I get clausterphobic. Don't know as if thats the right word but I feel like Dorthy not being in Kansas anymore.

What are the Tablelands?.

 

[Boo-Damphir]

It sounds like you may have had a wakeful / lucid dream (similar to what takes place under hypnosis.) Dealing with the death of your mare and your Grandfather sounds very normal. Both represented warmth, love, and safety for you. It's natural to put them together- neither one is here to offer you a shoulder to cry on or a handful of mane to whisper secrets into.

I'll go out on a limb even further here and suggest that perhaps your Grandfather was trying to reassure and comfort you from the realm where he now resides.

Keep picking away at it, the emotions and dreams will evlove and morph into other facets of your personality. They can be a valuable tool if you choose to give them a creative outlet such as writing in a journal, drawing, poetry, etc.