Great I Got A Text And Email That Triggered Me

[munkinmama]

I was about to fall asleep when i got the following message in text and email form both the same damn message,

"
Mom and Sis,

Hey family this is Joyce I am starting to feel better soon. Your brother is amazing when it comes to those that are sick. I was wondering why if things in your lives are really busy and that is why you guys won't answer Andrews calls, text and emails. Andrew is thinking that you guys want nothing to do with him. Please get a hold of him and let him know things are OK.

Joyce"

OMFG I hate guilt trips like this. It is bad enough I have to deal with my dad who i had struggled with to be accepted by who is obsessed with my one brother. Now i not only have my brother leaving messages but his girlfriend too. I want nothing to do with any of them at all but that is easier said then done This has triggered me so badly

 

[munkinmama]

I am so not ok right now this is what I wrote to my family :

I try to be strong for my family and friends during times I want nothing more then to collapse in a ball or hide under a rock. These are the times I do not want to be the strong one

I try to set boundaries to protect my health emotionally, physically and mentally but at times there will be people who will take this as being selfish. I am so confused people say look after yourself yet when you do that is when you are being selfish

I am tired of fighting for everything

I am tired of having to explain every single thing I do. I feel I have to justify everything I do because if I do not then someone is going to take something I am doing or saying wrong

I am tired of being a ref in my family. It is taking a toll on my health and I can not handle it. it is becoming a huge trigger for my PTSD

I am tired of suffering from this PTSD, depression and anxiety. It is easy for someone to judge and say hey why dont you do ....., ?,why do you not come to see me? You are not in my shoes so you have no idea the struggle i have on daily basis. You do not see the hours it takes just for me to leave MY house. Some take for granted the ability to do things like being able to leave their home without any effort or do day to day things.

I am tired of people getting on my case about understanding their situation but they refuse to understand mine and will guilt trip me by saying I am making excuses, I am not putting in the effort, etc. I have to say how dare you.

I am tired of trying to help people only to have them slap me in my face

I apologize I am NOT perfect I am me so accept it or leave me alone. If you can not be a support or even make an attempt to understand my situation then leave me alone then you will not have to worry about me ever again.

 

[HëllaBubz]

When you take care of yourself, you automatically sever the lines that feed the emotional leeches that so piously tell you to practice self care.

Defend yourself, and learn to use people for the instant benefit they provide when they offer advice that they won't support later....
Use them for their worth, and later when they back flip, pat yourself on your back for getting the benefit you needed and being able to protect yourself by cutting free when they turn toxic.

I know you're hurt, and mad, and mad about being hurt and being made to feel hurt. So hugs.

 

[munkinmama]

great i got this email and my other brother got a different text stating something different so tired the drama
email
Hey Sis,

I know Joyce emailed you lastnight and I respect you don't want ppl to call, text or email you after 9pm unless it's an emergency. But Joyce wasn't trying to be mean or guilt trip anyone, she herself feels guilty cuz we had to cancel last Wednesday cuz she is really sick and seeing that I was trying to work out a new day that would work with everyone since last Tuesday I have called, tested, emailed and left messages on fb for everyone one and nothing. You may take that as guilt tripping but all I am doing is stating FACTS. I know your super sick, Dana, Aaron and Jeff work very hard. But in a week nothing no reply from anyone so that is why Joyce thought if she called, texted and emailed all of you if would help, but that wasn't the case mom gets upset that she emailed her you get upset that she emailed you. Joyce took it hard I had to take her to the hospital after a suicide attempt. I know you this was not your plan but I thought you should know and I thought you should know Joyce thinks mom and you hate her so she is scared. I also know that email don't tell the whole story so when your feeling well enough call me.

Love
Andrew

text
just got back from a fantastic trip to the ER Joyce had a really bad panic attack after texting and emailing you guys and Adrienne wrote back and Joyce's said Adrienne was very upset at her. Now Joyce is freaking out to meet or be around a Webb family member I know this text may not make sense but all Joyce was trying to do was help we with arranging things for the family dinner and to check on those that are sick I don't want a fight nor drama just a fun family dinner

 

[Recovery4Me]

@munkinmama :hug:

Once during a wee stint in seminary studies, I actually had a Philosophy Professor that taught 'The Art of Guilt' as applied throughout history. Fast forward 35 years and after reading those letters sent by your family ;), I have got to stand up & applaud their skill sets!:clown:
Triangulation is not done just in math, yes?

Little tricks for sanity when guilt bombed:
*consider, using the do not disturb mode or sleep mode on your phone to filter them out

*pick amusing phone rings and contact names- to 'alert you' to those drama queens/kings waiting
(For example: one of my family members has a duck call and the other Sherwood Forest trumpets as they drive me daff and rob me emotionally blind )

*consider not responding -as it is only engaging more drama to follow

*consider creating another E-mail and not giving it to them, to allow inner peace


You did offer a lovely response! :tup: Really how much more needs to be said to them that wouldn't fall on their deaf ears? Take a vacation from your family.

And perhaps smile reading this- even during my devote times of "No Contact." my sister still managed to locate me and through the Red Cross sent a Sheriff to deliver a message. So no need to worry about missing out on family drama or real crisis with a crazy family born to pluck your last nerve.:roflmao:

Just be kind to you and let it go.:hug: