Hello, All!
I'm the best friend of an amazing woman who is exhibiting some serious signs of PTSD due to some pretty traumatic events over the last 4 months, as well as some life changes that took place before that. I've been pretty much her whole support system for the entire duration of these major events, and I'm starting to seriously struggle with maintaining the support she needs.
My friend is seeing a therapist, and is struggling hard with not only working through the pain of her situation over the last 4 months, but also having serious issues with memory and cognition of people, places, events, etc. that are very positive memories. There are days when she does not even know who I am, and I'm considered one of her best friends - nearly a brother - with whom she speaks to daily. I love and deeply care about my friend, but I'm starting to feel very overwhelmed.
Some months ago, my friend asked me to contact her in the morning on my way to work to ensure that she was awake and ready to start the day. As she had started experiencing vividly terrifying nightmares, these calls would also help in making sure she was not stuck in one of the nightmares. I agreed to help her with this element, and the calls have continued.
Within the last 2 weeks, her disassociation has continued. My spouse gave her a notebook with a letter from us to help remind her of who we are, assist in giving a point of contact if she was feeling scared/unsure of surroundings, and she also wrote a note to herself to help further coach her on who we were in her life, what her situation was, and important information. It has come in very useful as a starting point. But the work is hard.
As we are in daily contact, often multiple times per day, when "the walls go up", it falls to me to help her try and remember who I am, people/places important to her, events (weddings, trips, etc. from recent past), and all but reintroduce the world to her. When progress is made and keeps moving forward with her remembering and having them validated, she pulls make to "normal" fairly quickly. Then the worst hits: She recalls she has PTSD. The questions come - how did this happen? why am I seeing the therapist once a week? What happened to me to have this happen? And then as gently as I can, I have to remove the band-aid on the horrible truth.
Her attacker was caught, is in the process of being prosecuted, and will be going to final sentencing this month. She has been contacted by legal counsel on matters relationg to her case & court date, and doesn't understand why they are calling. Hoping I can remind her, she asks to call them back when she can remember. My greatest concern is that she will not wake up for or not remember to show up for the final sentencing for her attacker.
I will admit it freely. I am completely in over my head. This is one of my best, most beloved friends for the past 4 years. I have tried for the last 4 months - every day - to help her through this, support her, listen to her, and continue working on the issues with her to help her heal. I've moved forward with this so intently and involved that it is starting to effect me VERY deeply. I'm not equipped for this! I'm absolutely terrified for my friend, but am becoming increasingly emotionally exhausted. I don't know what to do.
My purpose for putting this out there is to receive feedback from the community of survivors, supporters, and those who love people with PTSD on how not only to help my beloved friend, but equally as important, take care of ME. I would really appreciate any thoughts, counsel, or suggestions on how to better manage this situation.
Thank you for reading this.
I'm the best friend of an amazing woman who is exhibiting some serious signs of PTSD due to some pretty traumatic events over the last 4 months, as well as some life changes that took place before that. I've been pretty much her whole support system for the entire duration of these major events, and I'm starting to seriously struggle with maintaining the support she needs.
My friend is seeing a therapist, and is struggling hard with not only working through the pain of her situation over the last 4 months, but also having serious issues with memory and cognition of people, places, events, etc. that are very positive memories. There are days when she does not even know who I am, and I'm considered one of her best friends - nearly a brother - with whom she speaks to daily. I love and deeply care about my friend, but I'm starting to feel very overwhelmed.
Some months ago, my friend asked me to contact her in the morning on my way to work to ensure that she was awake and ready to start the day. As she had started experiencing vividly terrifying nightmares, these calls would also help in making sure she was not stuck in one of the nightmares. I agreed to help her with this element, and the calls have continued.
Within the last 2 weeks, her disassociation has continued. My spouse gave her a notebook with a letter from us to help remind her of who we are, assist in giving a point of contact if she was feeling scared/unsure of surroundings, and she also wrote a note to herself to help further coach her on who we were in her life, what her situation was, and important information. It has come in very useful as a starting point. But the work is hard.
As we are in daily contact, often multiple times per day, when "the walls go up", it falls to me to help her try and remember who I am, people/places important to her, events (weddings, trips, etc. from recent past), and all but reintroduce the world to her. When progress is made and keeps moving forward with her remembering and having them validated, she pulls make to "normal" fairly quickly. Then the worst hits: She recalls she has PTSD. The questions come - how did this happen? why am I seeing the therapist once a week? What happened to me to have this happen? And then as gently as I can, I have to remove the band-aid on the horrible truth.
Her attacker was caught, is in the process of being prosecuted, and will be going to final sentencing this month. She has been contacted by legal counsel on matters relationg to her case & court date, and doesn't understand why they are calling. Hoping I can remind her, she asks to call them back when she can remember. My greatest concern is that she will not wake up for or not remember to show up for the final sentencing for her attacker.
I will admit it freely. I am completely in over my head. This is one of my best, most beloved friends for the past 4 years. I have tried for the last 4 months - every day - to help her through this, support her, listen to her, and continue working on the issues with her to help her heal. I've moved forward with this so intently and involved that it is starting to effect me VERY deeply. I'm not equipped for this! I'm absolutely terrified for my friend, but am becoming increasingly emotionally exhausted. I don't know what to do.
My purpose for putting this out there is to receive feedback from the community of survivors, supporters, and those who love people with PTSD on how not only to help my beloved friend, but equally as important, take care of ME. I would really appreciate any thoughts, counsel, or suggestions on how to better manage this situation.
Thank you for reading this.
