Grief / nothing to live for

[Ronin]

but don't want anyone to worry

Worried means we care, and you are totally worth that care, and sooooo much more.

(But good news, nonetheless. So thank you for them. :D)

 

[Teasel]

I'm still in this place. Even more isolated though. I'm feeling hopeless. It hurts.

 

[Gs172003]

I'm still in this place. Even more isolated though. I'm feeling hopeless. It hurts.

I'm sorry. I wish I had great words for you but I don't. What I can say is that I enjoy your posts and your presence here.

 

[bellbird]

Here with you, @berlinda .
What do you need?

 

[Teasel]

Thanks @Zoogal

I don't know @bellbird Not in a good headspace so even saying that little is hard. Not particularly helpful I realise.

 

[somerandomguy]

I'm glad you're able to reach out, @berlinda. I'm glad you can identify your feeling, even if it's a sad one.

You and I haven't really interacted that much here for some reason, but I'm with everyone else in noticing the wisdom in your posts. You always seem to have something wise or kind to say here.

Maybe you can imagine all of us here at this forum whose lives you have touched giving you a hug of support. If I could in real life, I would. Imagine all of us holding you and saying, "We're sorry, dear friend, but we're here with you in your sadness and your hopeless feelings."

 

[bellbird]

I understand.
Glad you found the words to reach out here.

You are such a kind hearted and thoughtful human being who is so valued, I'm sorry the darkness has been sticking around for so long.
I know how hard it is when we're in the thick of it, to feel like it will ever get better again. But it will. And we're here to help as much as we can.

?

 

[Ronin]

It occured to me I been reading you for so long, Berlinda, and still have no idea what your favorite, like make you feel better almost unfailingly, food is?

Cause it totally sounds like it might be a good time for making that one. May not shoo the darkness, might make it a lil bit more bearable though.

 

[Gs172003]

Thanks @Zoogal

I don't know @bellbird Not in a good headspace so even saying that little is hard. Not particularly helpful I realise.

Are you in a place where walking in nature is an option? It helps me quite a bit.

 

[Teasel]

Want to say a huge thank you to you all. Really meant a lot to read what you had to say. Got me all emotional but in a good way. Thanks ❤

Was in such a painful headspace and just didnt know what to do. Really was hard even posting the little I did.

I don't know but I think maybe something's beginning to click in my brain. Usefully I don't feel like I understand it enough to put it into a neat few sentences - always the way when I feel I'm beginning to understand summat but anyway. I don't suppose I have to put it into neat sentences yet. Even a word salad is a start innit :P

To do with a mental barrier / putting up a mental barrier. With the aim of avoiding stuff I'm anxious about. Blocking stuff off / avoidance. Only of course it blocks off everything doesn't it.

It's like a powerful urge that says Don't look! NO! It's not safe!

So have become a very contracted version of me. My life is very contracted.

Something to do with chaos, being a kind of protective blanket??? Protecting you from all the good stuff as well as the bad.

Something to do with addictive type behaviours / other compensatory behaviours, that are getting out of control OR to look at it another way are very much in control. Running the show even.

Something too about cognitive distortions also being out of control (very much in control :rolleyes: )

Themes from the past - being abused, powerless, scapegoated, not believed, blamed, shunned, being a bad person.

And something about beginning to see there totally is a way to sort this stuff out

 

[Teasel]

Are you in a place where walking in nature is an option?

Not quite fully walking in nature, but I have been for a walk along the canal and am getting out a bit more too. Being in nature really helps me too. I shall endeavour to make it happen :)

 

[Gs172003]

Not quite fully walking in nature, but I have been for a walk along the canal and am getting out a bit more too. Being in nature really helps me too. I shall endeavour to make it happen :)

The walk along the canal sounds very nice too! Keep it up lady you're doing great!