I was surprised by my progress in grounding recently. I was going to put this in 'Accomplishments and Successes' but it isn't a big enough deal to go in there. (Mods: Please move to another section if it doesn't fit here - thanks).
When I went to York to meet 'the Forum Gang,' I was nervous and excited at the same time. A normal reaction for most people, even those without PTSD.
Well, I have never been a good traveler. In the past I have tried to get out of the car at 70mph because I felt trapped, confined and the further we got away from home the worse the agoraphobia got. Sometimes I was sick before I even left town and if I drive, my hands glue themselves to the wheel and I sweat like a pig!
I was nervous during the journey but with the breathing and self-talk it felt very different. The thing is, I didn't notice the lack of panic until much later. If H had asked how I was doing I think that wold have caused me to 'think' about panic and I probably would have.
I knew I would be OK around the 'guys' as I have got to know them enough to feel comfortable and they are all truly wonderful. I am very bad at sleeping away from home (well I don't sleep AT home so only to be expected) and I'm terrible around food; having developed a social phobia when I was out for a meal with a bunch of so called friends who then made my life a misery. Also, I was force-fed by my Grandmother so I guess it was inevitable that I would have problems with food.
Well, at the picnic the though of problems around food never crossed my mind! I was so relaxed! I knew I would still have problems with restaurants as I feel confined but out in the open I never batted an eye lid. And the biggest thing yet is that I slept fairly well as I'd requested a room away from others with an en-suit (I have problems with shared bathrooms but that's another story). I got up that morning, looking forward to seeing the sights in York, and went to have breakfast. I was nervous as I didn't know what the hosts would be like or if they would mind me not having a cooked breakfast, just something light (I actually got told off by a guy who ran a B&B for not wanting a cooked breakfast once!). Again, as natural as anything I just relaxed my muscles, found a peaceful place inside me, breathed slowly and never batted an eye lid again when my meal came. I had fresh fruit salad and bacon on toast followed by another slice of toast with marmalade. I even asked for extra margarine and extra water for my tea which I would never have done in the past.
I enjoyed my breakfast both mornings and the second day I looked forward to it and wasn't nervous at all. This is progress for me and it only occurred to me when I got home how well I had done. Processing the traumatic memories has moved me on at a speed I could not have imagined and all the grounding and self-talk, like Bloom said, has worked for me. Positive affirmations (thanks to KP for the idea of an Affirmation Book which I read every day) and learning to love myself and not worry about what others think of me has improved my quality of life tremendously.
I never thought I would ever be this strong.:tup: