Grounding out of dissociation leading directly to high anxiety - anyone else?

[Sweetleaf]

This thread kinda dips into multiple facets of PTSD stuff so I figured I'd put it in general.

You read the thread title - it's not an "always" thing for me but sometimes, like today, each time I do grounding things to bring myself out of derealization/depersonalization and dissociative stuff like that, my anxiety shoots up once I start to get grounded. Like, the dissociation fades out and high anxiety rolls in.

I suppose the anxiety is what's causing the dissociation in the first place? Is this stuff kinda just random though? I dissociate quite a lot, and ground out of it successfully without diving right into anxiety, a lot - but then there are days like today where grounding just makes me anxious as hell.

I have to do (want to do) something really triggering this week, which I have been meaning to do for quite a long time, but it's so hard to get myself to do it - every day so far this week, I have been too anxious to get myself to do it. I suppose that could be behind all this.

Anyone else have stuff like this happen? Is it random for you too? What do you do to deal with it?

 

[Friday]

I suppose the anxiety is what's causing the dissociation in the first place?

On the nose for me.

Which is actually a good sign for me... it means my body is attempting to self-regulate on autopilot / I don’t have to do the slow tedious work of doing so manually... it’s “just” overcompensating.

Is this stuff kinda just random though?

For me, rarely. There’s nearly always something big going on that the only way I can not completely decompensate & dysregulate (read: lose my everlovin mind) is by checking out. When it’s really bad I’ll just sleep. My legs will go out from under me and I’ll sleep for a week, only getting up to pee & drink water, before.... faceplant... for another 20 hours. <<< It’s one of those, I have a very limited window in which to explosive out all that energy, before it just sucks me down the rabbit hole. Outward vs Inward kind of thing. But even when it’s not so big that I can either explode outward or be crushed inward... I can lose days/weeks/months to the fog settling in.

This is one of the things I used to throw the breaks on with meds. Recognize a bad cycle coming, and short stop it taking meds for a few days, and voila! Not dissociating & not dysregulating.

 

[Freida]

Yep
My T just reminded me of that yesterday -- that my go to for stress is dissociation,
The challenge is that if I don't dissociate (like when I'm using grounding to stay present) then I have to face whatever it is that's stressing me out (causing anxiety) in the first place.

It's one of those hamster wheel from hell things, :(

Not sure what you mean by random ?

 

[Hilario]

@Sweetleaf
I'm currently working on meditation.
My history with the practice has been iffy.
My meditative mind often leads to major panic/flashback status.

 

[Seasounds]

[I have to do (want to do) something really triggering this week, which I have been meaning to do for quite a long time, but it's so hard to get myself to do it - every day so far this week, I have been too anxious to get myself to do it. I suppose that could be behind all this.]

Yes, I experience the following process that you described well. The process of embodiment-transitioning from disassociation into fuller embodiment leads to association to feelings. Moving a step forward, to do a task that I avoid, I often experience anxiety. In order to not repeat the disassociation-association cycle.

I employ a few things:
-establishing a safe place in my body through daily meditation and placing my focus just below my belly button (hara area) while I notice my belly rising and falling.
-Using mindfulness to be aware of somatic signals, I approach the task.
-If I notice that I’m tightening my muscles (a sign of anxiety) I use the Alexander Technique (AT) that gives me a sequence to follow to turn tension into coordinated movement to do what I want to do.
-If my tightening persists, I take a break, and come back to the task and do just a bit at a time.
-And If I still don’t find the ability to do the task, which often happens, I verbally repeat “easy does it” while I do the task, slowly,
-do the task with using my mediation technique:(e.g. I’m reaching, then noticing tightening; I gently ‘be with the sensation of tightening or anxiety’ like a mother may lovingly hold her child, while the sensation appears then fades.
-If all else fails, I may use something for anxiety.
-I’m aware that some tasks are so triggering for me that it may take years to become comfortable to do the task.

 

[Cypress]

This happens to me too. I actually feel better when the anxiety or fight/flight kicks in - like I am back in the real world. I'm glad it happens because its stops the dissociation cold.

 

[Seasounds]

This happens to me too. I actually feel better when the anxiety or fight/flight kicks in - like I am back in the real world. I'm glad it happens because its stops the dissociation cold.

That’s different than how it works in me-it feels like the beginning of disassociation for me. It’s like I begin to lose my internal locus of control..

That’s cool how the fight and flight system brings you more into your body.

Your and my different experiences helps me see the flight or fight as spectrum (of degrees) rather than one distinct point.

I’m so grateful to know that other people deal with this situation; of wanting to make a breakthrough with a task that triggers them.