Guilt Over Wasted Time

[Deleted member 541]

Wonderwall.....First I suggest that you download Firefox as your internet browser. It comes with a built in spell checker. It will underline in red, the words that you have misspelled...You then RIGHT click on the misspelled word, and it will give you options, as to the correct word.....

As far as feeling as you do.......You have PTSD, and with it comes a mixed bag of symptoms, that tend to overwhelm a person. UNTIL you can manage these symptoms to a tolerable level, you will most likely feel the way that you do.

To manage everything, you need to see a therapist, work on your trauma, medication is a possibility, and use any other available method that you may think would help. One shoe does NOT fit all when it comes to PTSD....

 

[wonderwall]

Dear Helena,
I am sure you are not in anyway useless. I wish I had a Mother who cared for me enough to go on a site to find help. I am sure it is difficult for you to understand something you haven't been through personally. I don't mean this in anyway to suggest you don't have empathy. What I mean I think if I was trying to help someone with trauma I would have found it difficult to comprehend. Say some off the things I have been through if I was looking at it from the outside. Often I don't understand what I am going through I am experienceing it first hand. Hope this makes sense.
Truly you obviously care deeply for your son and his suffering. By your presence at his side for is well being means he has your support. Truly I wish I had some.

Hope you don't take any of this the wrong way.

Wonderwall

 

[wonderwall]

Dear She Cat thanks for advice on Firefox this will be a big help. More stress of economics. PTSD been under control a long time. I ve done the therapy thing. Medication not my my thing. (Personal Choice)But thanks for advice.

Wonderwall

 

[Mina]

Really do you just want to chastise me for your own sense of self

This is uncalled for. You are a guest here, as all of us are. CatJudo is doing her job as an editor on this forum...there is no need for you to belittle her by saying this. I understand that you are dyslexic; we all have our issues or difficulties, but what is absolutely not appropriate is taking them out on an editor.

Let me ask you a question to perhaps put this in perspective. If you were a guest in someone's home, would you expect to tell them your rules for being in their house? Would you tell them that you will not be removing your muddy shoes, but walking on their carpet? That you'll be going into whatever rooms you like? That you'll be moving their furniture to better suit you?

Please understand that the rules - including those regarding grammar - are not in place to exclude anyone:

"Grammar may sound a trivial issue to you personally, however; the ability to read posts when suffering severe trauma, severe symptoms of PTSD, is by far quite real. Members who often have poor grammar, paragraphing, etc, complain because they fail to get responses or many responses, so this can create issues against other rules with members going on the attack. The forum has a strict policy on grammar, and every member must adhere to some basics. We do not expect you to be an English teacher or scholar, though all members can implement these basic rules upon this forum."

The remainder of this text (as well as the aforementioned basic rules and grammar guidelines) can be found here:
[DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/faq.php?faq=faq_12#faq_faq_212[/DLMURL]

This is a wonderful place for help and healing! And we are all guests here on this forum. If we wish to continue participating, we agree to abide by the rules set forth.

 

[wonderwall]

Just to confirm that the post about Grammer was nothing to do with anything you said. No worried. Wonderwall

 

[LoveWins]

Hi wonderwall

I completely understand what you're saying and wanted to let you know you aren't alone, I know how the guilt over "wasted" time can really feel awful and it seems there might not be an easy way back into the "outside" world of work etc:Hug_emoticon:

I've been isolated in this way for 4 years. I too have had very little company. I never had much of a family to begin with (mother and a brother) and I moved away from them soon after my trauma to be with my husband. Since being in this town with him I haven't made and kept a single friend or held down a job

I too worry about what people think of me. Worries like what my inlaws think (who don't know about my PTSD) Do they think I'm horribly lazy and not good enough for their son? And what about once I start to integrate back into society more...
The fact is it doesn't matter. As you say some people can be horribly judgemental and that's their shout and their issue, but sometimes we can be pleasantly surprised...when someone just understands it's a wonderful feeling. I try to have the strength to ignore judgement and keep an ear out for that wonderful acceptance. To those who don't know anything about it PTSD can be quite a lot to swallow and they might not have come across anything quite like it before

I also understand your fears about work. Years of blank employment history. I think my plan on this one is to begin by volunteering and small jobs to build up at least something to put on my CV (and ease back into things emotionally, too, aswell as doing something good for others)

So you're definitely not alone in feeling a gap in your life, a portion of time taken away (in a sense). We must remember that while to outsiders it may seem we haven't done all that much, the inner healing work has been immense. And that, as my husband keeps reminding me, is something to be very proud of:Hug_emoticon:

 

[cragger65]

Wonderwall, yeah I can relate to all of the above, both the attitudes and comments from outside (family in particular, doctors, people in general) and the being too hard on yourself part. My life has changed, but my "must work hard, always" mentality didn't. It's a tough spot to be in, I'm glad you recognize it though, and admire you for soldiering on and making the decisions you need to regarding your family, et al.

It isn't easy, that's for sure. God bless.
Dave

 

[skyp56]

Hi Wonderwall,
YES, I do feel guilt over wasted time. Time I missed with my grandchildren because I'm stuck with "Fixing" myself. But, I have made a goal to learn to let that go.

Hey Johnny, I am just starting this very rocky, uphill road myself, so know exactly what you mean.

I had to learn to be fair to, and with, myself.

I did feel guilty if I felt I couldn't resolve an issue quickly or at all. I thought it was my fault - thinking maybe it was because I was stupid, missing something, not dealing with something. And so I learned that the human brain/mind is a very complicated machine and that today's neuroscientists are still struggling to understand it today.

I am grateful for this forum. I learn something every day from the folks here.

Hang in there, Wonder!
Warm, gentle {{{{{HUGS}}}}}
skyp56