Had a dream that brought back bad memories

[violet4you]

I am 24 years old & married, last night I had a dream where I was living in the house that my husband and I own but with my parents & brothers. I was a young girl again, maybe 7 years old? My brothers and I were all sleeping in the same bed together with our mom.

Our dad had just came home from work. He came into the room and woke us up because he was arguing with my mom. I just remember he was yelling super loud, started choking her and shoved her against the wall.. my older brother and I tried pulling him away from her.

Eventually we managed to get him out right outside the bedroom door & we were trying to close it but he still kept yelling and trying to shove his way back inside. Somehow we were able to close the door and lock it, this only made him get more angry so he got a knife from the kitchen and jammed it between the lock to open the door. That’s when I woke up.

I felt so sad and scared. This unlocked a memory I hadn’t thought about in a long time.. this happened in real life years ago when I was little except obviously we were at a different house. We live at my grandparents. Till this day my dad is an alcoholic it’s just not as bas as it used to be. He’s been an alcoholic my whole life. He would come home from work always mad and would beat my mom. He never hit us (the kids) and one some days he was really nice to us and we would do fun things as a family.

We lived with my grandparents until I was 15. My grandpa (his dad) & my uncle (his brother) both molested me for several years. One day my dad got really violent and my grandparents kicked us out and told my mom it was her fault he was abusive to her. She never did anything wrong.

We stayed at Women’s Shelter for a few months and eventually found a place of our own. But eventually my dad got his own house and we moved back with him.. he’s not abusive to my mom anymore. Atleast physically, but he still drinks all the time.

I have a somewhat ok relationship with him. I moved out since I was 18 so I haven’t seen him angry like that in years. It was hard reliving that again in my dreams. I almost forgot that’s what he was really like.. it makes me really sad for my mom and angry.. I know my dad has probably gone through some trauma and that’s why he’s so f*cked up but I still wish my mom wasn’t with him. I hate his f*cked up family so much and all the pain they have caused us.

 

[Sideways]

That’s a lot for a child to deal with, and it makes sense that there’s still work being done by your brain working through it.

Hope you were able to be kind to yourself today.

 

[captain jigglypuff]

I used to get dreams like that all the time involving my abuser while she was still alive. Most of the dreams she was trying to stir up trouble and berating me and being verbally abusive and I would tell her that it was her own fault and that I never deserved to be treated the way she treated me. I’ve only had a couple dreams about my abuser since she died and the most recent one was of her blaming me for her death and for her dying alone. I told her in the dream that she did it to herself and that it was her own fault that she died without any friends because she would push them away or make them end the friendship. I just allow the dreams to remain just dreams and not let them affect my daily life.