Hanging By A Thread

[Kay C]

Hi,

I'm new to this forum, and not exactly sure where to start. Been living with complex PTSD symptoms (from childhood abuse issues) since college. Recently I decided to quit drinking as I realized that self-medicating was stalling my progress in therapy. Basically, every time I would start to feel anger bubbling up inside, I would drink until the feeling went away. But now that I no longer have wine to numb me out, I am struggling with frequent feelings of rage and am sinking into major depression. This is putting a big strain on my relationship with my husband and making it very difficult to be a good mom to my little boy.

My rage is all the more frustrating in that I don't have a clear target for it. I suspect my mother and older brother of abusing me but most of my childhood is a blank--I only have a handful of memories up until high school. But my history of night terrors, panic attacks, dissociative episodes, disturbing sexual dreams and body memories, and intimacy problems all seem to point to childhood abuse.

I'm pretty much a mess right now. I could really use some advice and encouragement from fellow C-PTSD sufferers who have been in my shoes. Thanks for listening.

--Kay

 

[Roobie35]

I'm here Kay....I have been there and I will listen to you.

 

[Froggie]

Welcome to the forum Kay. There are many members here who will be able to relate to what you went through. My PTSD is due to being a witness to a crime. But like you, I had a humungus amount of anger to deal with. Really gave my Ts something to work on. There is a great support system here, take time to read some of the articles that demystify PTSD, as those really helped me. There are also some threads that really make us laugh - we forget that we have that right to laugh.

 

[Srain]

I suffer from Complex Trauma too and feel very much for you. It can be such a struggle to get a gasp on on all the strong emotions and understand how to deal with them without destroying ourselves in the process, which is hardly fair since we have always been innocent but left to carry the burdens.

This is a great place to be and there are many supportive people here. I hope you find as much information as I have, as well as hope. You are not alone, Kay, I can't stress that enough, that and the fact there is recovery no matter the pace of it. Take your time to look around, feel free to post when you want.

peace and hope,
Rain

 

[purple butterfly]

Welcome

I have complex PTSD. I hope you find support and understanding here, there are many compassionate people to listen
Purple Butterfly

 

[intothelight]

Hi Kay C,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum. Be proud of yourself for recognizing the effect that drinking had on your suppression of your symptoms and for quitting. I have also experienced multiple traumas and memory loss. It is hard to experience the emotion and not have concrete memory to tie it to.

I hope that you find therapy and this forum beneficial to your healing.

Take care.
Debbie

 

[CraftyCath]

Hi Kay C,

I too have C-PTSD from childhood trauma and from witnessing numerous horrific deaths as an adult. I also have gaps in my childhood memories. My family will talk about people and things that I am old enough to remember but I have absolutely no memory of them at all.

I have had PTSD for 27 years and 20 of them were misdiagnosed but in that time, despite my illness, I managed to raise my two Son's. I wasn't always the model mother but I didn't do a bad job and I'm sure your love and concern for your Son will be enough that he will grow up secure.

You are not alone.