Hard Time Letting Other In

[Blessed84]

I have just begun to realize how much of an internal struggle I go through on an almost daily basis in my relationships- even with those close to me who I know are safe - trying to decide what to share/ if to share/ when to share. I often find myself wanting to purge my self of the feelings related to the horrible things that have happened to me yet at the same time not feeling I can completely trust that those important to me won't later use what I say to hurt me in some way even though the people in my life now have never shown me anything but support. I also fear they will not be able to handle the true extent of my experience and emotions. They want so much to help me cope with what has happened to me yet I'm too afraid to let them. Not really sure how to try and reconcile these two things. Any suggestions would be great.

 

[BethRSA]

It is hard to know what to do. Wanting/needing to share and get the emotions "off your chest", but balanced against the fear of getting hurt, being betrayed, or being misunderstood. It's difficult. :wall:

After being hurt by others not understanding me, I ask myself beforehand:
Why do I feel I need to tell this person?
What do I want this person to do? say?

When I share with them, sometimes I tell them first what they are not allowed to say-especially things like-"Oh, it's good everything ended up fine", "It was so long ago", etc. (Maybe read the thread on what not to say to PTSD survivors and see which one(s) are especially hurtful if you hear them.)

It is a struggle to balance the need to share with the need to feel safe.

 

[Nicolette]

They want so much to help me cope with what has happened to me yet I'm too afraid to let them. Not really sure how to try and reconcile these two things. Any suggestions would be great.

While I am a great reconciler and too analytical for my own well being sometimes my view is you have nothing to loose so just put your toes in the water and see how that feels. Trust someone just a little; if that works trust a little more. It's a bit like trying a new food....have a nibble and see if you like the taste without trying to think it through too much.

 

[Butigotup]

"I also fear they will not be able to handle the true extent of my experience and emotions."

Carers can be pretty perceptive sometimes. They may know there are things you haven't told them, and they may be fine with giving you all of the time you need to figure out if telling them is right for you...but they can probably handle it because, on some level, they probably know there's a lot they don't know. That's how I was, and after 10 years of marriage I recognize that I probably don't know the whole story.

 

[Blessed84]

Butigotup I think you are right ~ I am probably not giving my friends enough credit. They already know portions of what has happened to me and not once have they used it against me. I also think that with the little I have shared with them they know it is probably just the tip of the iceberg of all that has happened but don't want to push. I agree with Nicolette also- I tend to overanalyze things, I will just keep going and see what happens. Thank you all for your help.