Has Anyone Accessed Their Medical Records?

[Mit]

I also tried to get hold of hospital records, but they had been destroyed (due to the amount of time that had passed). I had to contact the hospital where I had my last surgeries to ask the medical records dept. to look for them.

At the time I was concerned because I knew my hospital records contained photographs of my genitals, and I didn't want Social Workers and others looking at them (sadly they interpreted this as me just being difficult and obstructive.....!).

The records held by my GP were just correspondence between my GP and the various consultants, surgeons and doctors that had treated me over the years.

Although it was a bit upsetting at first, it was kind of emotional in a comforting way for me. It confirmed these things had really happened (it wasn't my imagination) and just how much had been done to me, which helped me accept it was bad enough to be traumatising.

I found it very moving reading my notes because it provided a narrative and perspective about my childhood I had never had access to before. So for me it was ultimately a positive and helpful thing to do, but I do completely understand your reservations.

Best wishes.

 

[Changing4Best]

A couple of times my therapists, when I moved to a new place, have informed me that they kept certain things out of my records "to protect me" (from what I do not know, as I didn't think to ask!). I know it was the stuff about my being molested and also about my abuser later in life who reminded me of my childhood abusers, though I did not realize that at the time I told her about them.

 

[barefoot]

@Mit - I'm glad the process ultimately brought you some comfort and helped you accept that what you'd been through was "bad enough". I struggle with this too, so I think part of my hope if I go ahead and read the records is that I'll find something that somehow adds some legitimacy to what's going on for me now.

Sounds like the records your GP held are just the sort of things I'm after, so that was useful to hear. Thanks.

 

[barefoot]

I've just sent my request to get copies of my GP records. I feel weirdly both exhilarated and sick with fear all at once!

I talked about it with my therapist yesterday. I'm really hoping that the records will provide some answers, particularly around my trauma and that that greater clarity will help me to move things forward in the work I'm doing in therapy. But I still have a strong sense of fear and trepidation around the whole thing too....when I talked through what I thought were the most likely options of what will come out of the records re the trauma stuff, none of the options sounded very appealing. In fact, they all sounded very difficult. And then my therapist started talking about us needing to be prepared for me to start having some flashbacks...not that I definitely will, of course, just that it's possible that some memories will be triggered whereas at the moment there's just a lot of blank space in my head... She's suggested that I don't go through the notes on my own when I get them but that I look at them when I'm with her so that she's there if anything crops up. I know this is probably sensible. It just feels a bit...overwhelming...

I know this is a way of me potentially getting some answers. And on the one hand, I really want answers - I want to fill in the gaps otherwise because I'm sick of not knowing and of feeling confused and of always coming back to a place of self-doubt because I just don't trust myself because my memory is so patchy. On the other hand, I guess those answers might force me out of denial. And I guess that's the scary thing. Because, what then?

This is just a stream of consciousness really while I sit and have a bit of a panic about what I've just done and what it will mean when I have my copies...

 

[Mit]

I think your feelings are completely understandable, I felt similarly anxious prior to reading my notes, although for different reasons. It sounds like you have a conscientious therapist in whom you can trust to guide and support you.

I'm waiting to hear from social services about my adoption records, hopefully before Christmas (It's 4 years since I started this process). I know nothing about the circumstances of my adoption, 50 years is a long time to spend wondering. So like you I am feeling a bit strange and anxious about what might be revealed. But personally I think knowing is better than the void that exists otherwise, a void that I populate with all sorts of negative thoughts and fantasies. Better to fill it with facts and reality, in my case anyway.

I'll be thinking of you. Best wishes.

 

[barefoot]

Yes, that void....I think it's time that I filled mine with facts and reality too. I just hope I can handle it when that's what I've actually got in front of me! And, yes - I do feel that I can rely on my therapist to support me with this stuff - whatever comes up. I think that's why it now feels like the right time to start seeking out more answers - because I know she'll be able to help me deal with whatever comes. I think I just (!) need to try to trust that something good/useful will come out of this decision...

Thank you Mit. I've really appreciated your input in this thread. And I'll be thinking of you too. 50 years is indeed a very long time to spend wondering so I really hope you find the answers you need to fill your void too. Warm wishes to you.

 

[Nmarie]

i got access to most of my records, but it varies by state. The state where I was born, for example, isn't required to keep records beyond 7 years from termination of service with the provider... So basically nothing from my childhood. But I've been in my current state for about 20 years and the providers I was seeing through a major teaching hospital had everything from routine blood work to hospitalization treatment notes, Doctor reviews, etc. it was tough to read but ultimately cathartic I think.