Has Life Ever Just Not Seemed Real To You?

[KwanYingirl]

You are so right about that!!! I thought I was just reading a post that describes me!!! Dissociation is how we survived being raped and beaten and burned, etc. I cannot comprehend that I am that girl I made a whole new identity when I left home at 17. I can't even remember the names of childhood friends. Now they find me on Facebook and I can't remember a thing about them. But what spooks me the most is that yes that was me and oh, shit. , I have to deal with it. No thanks, I'll just dissociate.

 

[Mercy]

Dissociation is easy for me too. I can agree that in a dissociated state grounding practices are hard if not impossible to remember. Still alive, I have had deep trouble with (false) survivor guilt. Some of that has kept the lid on an overboiling pot of muck. I'm 64 now. I don't want to grow old like this. It has helped the suicidal ideation to use some of tools I learned from the Happiness Project thread. I am so tired old flashbacks and dissociation. I am so tired of anxiety attacks that render me unfit to do anything.

making friends with your child self is a really good thing to do. There is nothing shameful about coloring in a coloring book and listening to her. maybe she would like to visit a pet store or make a little quilt with your help. She has missed the joys of childhood. You can give yourself and childself some of what you missed or some of what you really like to do. Give yourself permission to live out what you missed. For me, this has been very important to being able to see the truth. With your little one feeling safe and cared for, therapy can begin to clear a path to seeing yourself for who you are---not who you were made to think you are.

 

[KwanYingirl]

@Mercy
Great advice. Thanks!

 

[Go Hungry]

Sure, pretty much since I was 7 and I decided that I was dropped off here by aliens as an experiment.... seriously I remember standing in the playground and coming to this conclusion. It is very hard for me to stay grounded so I have derealization a lot.

Holy crap this takes me back. I remember having a very strong feeling that persisted for years that I wasn't actually human. That I was some sort of nature spirit that got stuck in a human body by mistake. That humans or 'two legs' as I called them were my enemies. And I always saw colours that weren't there, things that other people couldn't perceive. Energies cascading from the skies into people and things around me. The world was alight in colour and sound that only I knew about.. I never even thought it might be some sort of dissociation. Hard to know what exactly was going on now.. How strange...

 

[FindingMyself88]

Wow, I don't have the mental energy to read all the responses right now, but it does help a lot to know I am not alone!