Poll Has PTSD Caused You To Attempt Suicide?

[VDWngr1355]

I put no. But I have thought about it many times and I have urges to cut myself. I have actually cut myself several times. The urges are not lasting as long as they were before.

 

[myself]

I think I was 10 or 11, I felt like there was no way out of the abusive situation and didn’t want to live in constant fear anymore. So I made sure no one would suspect anything and started making plans to get what I needed to make it finally happen, so I could finally be free; it is something I had thought a lot about before that point, and I didn’t want anyone to know, I didn’t want anyone to stop me.

Then the right time came, I was finally home alone again and knew this was going to be one of those times when everyone would be gone for hours, more than enough time, so I rigged up a rope in the garage and hung myself. Unfortunately, my mom had forgotten something she needed and came home early to get it. She cut me down and told no one about it; she acted like it never happened after that, but I suspect this had something to do with why she forced me to see some bible thumping quack of a therapist when I turned 12, that and more importantly to her, she wanted to she wanted to both shift the blame of abuse from her self for herself, to A alone, and use the abuse I got from my non-family abuser A as evidence and support for why my mom should be the guardian of A's abandoned child. Mostly she wanted to deny she was responcable for some of the abused, and wanted to focus all the blame for why I’m so messed up onto the other abuser.

 

[myself]

I think about it a lot. I think the only reasons I'm not attempting suicide right now, is the hope that I might get better, and the knownege that I'm an adult now and can choose to leave a situation if I were ever to be faced with it again, and even though I can't stop the PTSD I can seek out help for it and and hope it will get better.

I do however think that I would have been better off if I was killed someimes, or that I would be better off if my suicide attempt worked out when I was younger. I think about that sometimes; I hate reliving the flashbacks of the abuse, but at least I'm not currently being abused, and I have hope that it will get better even if I do get discouraged sometimes.

 

[ericaboo]

By your definition - yes, many times. I did lots and lots of really dangerous things. Russian roulette type things. I never did any major premeditated stuff. Just impulsive stuff, kind of hoping, wishing to find a stop to the pain. I guess I want to live on some unconscious level, because I never quite pulled it off.

 

[Jen93]

For me, the one thing that makes me depressed is also the one thing saving me. Part of my trauma stems from being blamed for a friend's attempted suicide. One of my major triggers is talking about suicide or self harm and thinking about suicide or self harm.

I guess if that hadn't come out first, I probably would have attempted suicide had my brain decided to rack up the other memories first. Gosh my brain is so smart! Thank you brain for saving my life! :eek:

 

[Smallhold]

First time when I was 12 in an attempt to stop the sexual abuse. It did stop after that so in a way successful. Me daftly taking all Mogadon thinking BLISS, I'll just never wake up again. Instead I was groggy for three days, not good.
In truth, I've always regretted it wasn't successful in another way.

Second time during therapy when Prozac was new on the market. In fact I was in the last stage trail before it came on the market and without my psychiatrist telling me.
SSRI's apparently are able to induce feeling that are suicidal, so there came the stomach pump.
Needless to say I didn't really trust my therapist anymore after that.
So no active attempt from my part, Prozac brought on a reaction and I took anything in the house.

Once with a partner who mentally abused me badly and I felt unable to break way from him. It was an escape attempt, didn't work then but I managed to break free once I'd build up enough anger to rid of my mental shackles.

Only reason I'm not even thinking about it now is my son. He'd be scarred for the rest of his life and I just don't want that on my conscious.
Apparently I love him more than I love myself.

Edited to say it is never far from my mind though. No matter how sunny today is, how nice my friends can be, it is always there at the background.

 

[shell]

I said no, because I couldn't go through with it. I still have the sleeping tablets from the prescriptions I filled hidden away, because it makes me feel better knowing if I really can't deal with things and end up back where I was 6 months ago, I can find peace. A bit like a security blanket I guess.

At the time, I was totally irrational, I was planning constantly, I spent weeks researching to make sure I didn't throw them up or survive. I didn't want to face anyone if I was stupid enough to stuff it up. Always the perfectionist. I wasn't sure it was PTSD that made me feel that way, but rather than the emotions I felt from all the memories I was recovering, and discovering I was raped, and feeling like I was going crazy and making stuff up.

 

[Tinyflame]

Ya 'good' however shell to learn it's not unusual with ptsd, -I guess that's why.
Also, pain fatigue, etc.

 

[AngelaMarie]

I voted yes. Twice in a mild way. Once I almost suceeded.

 

[Tinyflame]

'Making something end' or escaping (a situation, feelings etc), seems to often have a lot to do with it.
I was very methodical, went through the 'healthiest' coping mechanisms, down.
Not sure if I thought I would escape consciousness, I believe in 'something after', but I guess I was less afraid that it would be worse than how it was. :(

 

[Red Feather]

I've wanted to many times, even as a child. But was too afraid to do anything. Once I get sent to the closed psychiatry because I was so afraid I would do it.

 

[Bubba]

Yes, once when I was 14. I went into the bathroom, took a bunch of pills, got dressed and went off to school. Later my friends were asking my why I was being so weird. I finally told one of them. They told my mom who worked at the school at that time. She took me to the hospital to get my stomach pumped. I had one session with a school counselor who was also friends with my mom...how in the world could I open to her? After that it was swept under the rug. My sisters weren't told about it until years later.

I did have two other times where I came close to taking pills again. But once I had my son at age 20 - I didn't make any more attempts. My children became my lifeline to the world - and they still are.