Poll Has PTSD Caused You To Attempt Suicide?

[anthony]

Suicide with PTSD comes in various ways, it could be driving drunk and hoping to die in an accident, it could be you taking on extremely high risk behaviour out of the ordinary from your life, it could simply be you tried to kill yourself outright and failed.

Lets find out how many with PTSD have tried it shall we?

Mine was once I knowingly attempted, though many times I knowingly drove drunk and did high risk activities hoping to die.

 

[nie]

I answered that I have many times in various ways.

Some of the times I would say were more in the sense of high risk behavior. I would walk in dangerous parts of town alone at night hoping that someone would attack me and kill me. I would drive extremely fast and try to convince myself to drive off the road, but I never was able to do it. I would ride with people that I knew were drunk, hoping they would wreck and we would die.

I tried to OD on pills once. I had alcohol poisoning three times. I knew that I was drinking more than I should, but I kept drinking anyway. I would get sick and keep drinking, hoping that I would be able to drink myself to death. One time I did actually stop breathing, but a friend brought me back.

There was also a time when I thought I would try taking as much LSD as I could get my hands on. I didn't know at the time that you cannot OD on LSD. Of course, it is a mind altering drug, and causes one to not really be in control. I walked on the train tracks, hoping a train would come. It didn't come. I was so depressed when I woke up the next day.

All of that was from the before the rape traumas. After the rape, well I don't remember a lot of what happened in my life directly after that, I guess all I remember is that I wished that I was dead, and didn't do anything to try to keep myself safe.

Wow, I didn't think that I would have that much to write . . .

 

[batgirl]

I also voted for many times in various ways. Not many actual conscious suicide attempts, but lots of really dangerous risky behaviour. I used to have a motorbike and I would ride down this steep ravine hoping to crash. I trespassed on the dam site near where I used to live, and crossed the dam a couple of times for a "thrill". I did the same thing on a high bridge, balanced myself on the edge and very nearly fell to my death. I walked along the railway tracks and stood in front of oncoming trains and only jumped out of the way at the last minute. I walked around outside at night in the middle of winter. It was -40 C sometimes, and I wasn't dressed properly. I used to lie down in the snow and imagine going to sleep and freezing to death. I also used to go to raves and take E and Special K. Once I had serotonin syndrome from taking E.

 

[Awakening]

Well my immediate response is No. But now reading your posts not sure.
I do this thing of walking into oncoming traffic. Like if fate wants to get me now, go for it kind of thing. Not I want to die just if it's going to happen lets bring it on thing?

 

[Deleted member 541]

I voted yes many times. I have tried 8 times with drug overdoses. I have been in a car accident due to drinking, and when I think of the times my girlfriend and I would drink and drive, and just how drunk we were......Plus all of the dangerous behavior as a kid growing up....Yes many times.

 

[Kathy]

Well this has been most eye-opening so far, even with a few responses only. Thank you Anthony for this poll and thank you all for responding. Awakening what you describe sounds like risk-taking behaviour, it is definitely suspect to be so "casual" about stepping into oncoming traffic and not caring about the results.

 

[becvan]

Yes I purposefully put myself at risk (drinking, drugs, etc.) and I also have tried committing suicide by pills, numerous times when I was younger. Even some of my more violent relationships I would just hope they'd kill me. Death by being passive.

I'm not like that any more and I fight the suicidal part but I've had twenty years to learn about myself, to learn how to cope etc.

I often wonder how I survived it all to be truthful.

Awakening, I still get that attitude often. I just don't care and will be reckless. The passive side of it all.

 

[piglet]

I voted no, but now I'm not sure. I have made plans loads of times, but have always managed to restrain myself.

When I was younger, that was a different matter. I took a lot of risks. I also got to the point where I would stand up to my brother. The violence directed at me increased dramatically at that point, but I didn't care - I wanted the bastard to lose it so that he would be less careful and leave some evidence. If it meant my dead body, so be it.

So, maybe a yes to suicidal behaviour, but not actually the act itself??

 

[Marlene]

I’ve been watching this poll for a couple of days now to see if anyone else said ‘no’ besides me. I now see one other. Reading others responses has been a real eye-opener for me.

I’ve sat and wondered why the answer comes back as no for me. Even when things were at the worst and out of control for me and I would have given damn near anything for someone to take the pain away, there was never a thought of suicide.

I don’t know if it’s because I’ve had PTSD so long and have dealt with symptoms for so long (on a smaller scale than before I had my breakdown, of course). I don’t know if it’s because I saw the affect on my family after my father and sister died so close to each other. I don’t know if it’s because of the terror I lived with for the better part of three years while my oldest daughter cut/hurt herself and spoke of suicide on a regular basis and what it did to me (and can still do to me) and my family.

I suspect that the latter had the most impact on me.

Lisa

 

[kers]

I said no, too. I think I always manage to maintain a tiny bit of hope that it will get better. It took a long, long time, but it has. However--I suspect that had I not self-harmed, I might have been one of the many who have answered 'yes.'

 

[reallydown]

I said once as I've only actually attempted once...but I ran out of energy...but I do have the ideation thing going on...wishing I'd been killed in the war, or that someone would just hit me with their car or something, thought about jumping off a bridge etc...

 

[Lisa]

I voted yes, many times. Storing a huge amount of paracetamol landed me in psych hospital... had that not have happened, I'm sure I would have. I have taken 3 overdoses, but 2 were more like tempting fate and the 3rd was serious. I also used to have the tempting fate thing a lot as an adolescent, like shutting my eyes and crossing the road. I have got myself into dangerous situations with drink. I would drink so much I hoped it would kill me, or that I would get into an accident. I started smoking because I didn't care about the risks (whereas I used to be very worried about things like that). Same with drugs, though I'm off all drugs now except skunk. Lots of other things, but I can't remember and don't really want to try to right now.

Contemplating and planning it has been something that was such a frequent thing in my life.... though I do better these days, there have been a lot of times I have set up to hang myself, or put a cord around my neck and then decided not to..... so I think I have more hope than I realise sometimes. The amount of times I have wanted to but have not done something tells me that there is that little instinctual, natural need to stay alive. Can't say I always thank that sometimes, but it gives me hope in itself too sometimes. If survived a lot so far.... I didn't survive thus far for nothing. I would be lying if iI said I still don't get times where I look in the direction. But I don't tempt myself by planning... thinking that way constantly was extremely hard to get out of.