Has Replies On Here Triggered You?

[Saint Nik]

Hi everyone, some replies I have received (I felt) were like I was hearing from old ghosts from the past (this was my trigger) and it was like I regressed back into childhood again. I had no idea how to cope with it. I became rather vulnerable. I felt I started explaining myself on the thread (which only made me feel worse, worthless and ashamed of myself). The more people that were offended (the more guilt I felt as it was never my intention to offend). I felt confused by a few of the responses because I genuinely believed I didn't say anything wrong!

I very much felt like I was being backed into a corner. Self-pity, I admit, overwhelmed me. I went completely into victim mentality. I, so, wasn't prepared for the conflict.
I suppose with a site like this I felt I could trust and my guard was right down. I wanted to fight back, but I felt I would just be explaining myself more and digging a hole deeper for myself! I felt regret on all levels because of the post. I could not sleep (still haven't slept because of it). I could not get it out my head. I re-read my thread and each reply over and over again. I really started freaking out to the point I took a massive, full blown panic attack because of it.
Once everything calmed down, I felt very pathetic, more worthless, like I was nothing but a piece of shit (how I was always made to feel when I was younger; that my opinions/feelings never mattered, were never validated. I was always criticised - my family motto: Don't do as I do, you do as I tell you! Kids should be seen and not heard!) I still have no clue on how to deal with what has just happened!

I actually feel really stupid/ashamed/down that I am still feeling like this! It's like I am blowing this way out of proportion and I cannot help it! I am not entirely sure on how to cope with this trigger at all.

Has this ever happened to anyone else, concerning threads & forums? Has a reply triggered off feelings inside of you, to only leave you feeling terrible shame/guilt/stupid (as I do right now) because of a reply? Has anyone got any advice or suggestions on coping with such triggers?

 

[Eleanor]

I haven't had this myself - but I've sure WATCHED it happen a lot of times.

I've tried four times to respond with what I want to say... but it is difficult to because it is so likely to SOUND invalidating. And I don't want you to go down that rabbit hole again.

So how's this to start? Your feelings are your feelings. They ARE. They are totally and completely real and must, as with all realities, be dealt with. That is, you deserve compassion and care and reassurance that you are most certainly NOT a piece of shit.

So ((((((((Nik))))))) and You Are Not A Piece Of Shit. And no part of your experience and feelings and thoughts make you one. You are a thoughtful and compassionate person. Period. I am so so so sorry you felt so backed into a corner... it is a horrible horrible place to be.

The thing about emotional (and all other) flashbacks is that, as my H says, "It seems so real..."

The evil thing about that is that it naturally causes us to misinterpret the evidence in front of us. You seem to be suspecting that you are misinterpreting some of the responses - and that is very healthy and promising. If skepticism can be mustered in the midst of the emotional flooding it can be used.

That said, it is not always very helpful at mitigating the flashback right then, but it will be eventually. Once that little weed gets the first bit up throughout the concrete, eventually it will split the whole slab.

You might take a look at stuff on cognitive distortions and particularly reality checking to see if that fits and there are habits you could learn that might help out that little shoot in the future. Other than that, it seems like once the emotional attack/seizure passes (and sometimes this takes a few days) the responses are likely to look pretty different. There was a thread just recently where this happened.... drat, blanking on the specifics....

 

[Saint Nik]

@Eleanor thank you for your comment! It means a lot and very appreciated.

 

[The Albatross]

Yup, more in early participation... not as much now but it can still happen. Learning where I stop and others begin and leaving the gap in between the two helped me a lot. I had to learn a lot about boundaries cuz we (in my family) had none.

 

[twinkle30]

Saint Nik I replied to your thread via private message.

 

[Weemie]

yeah, happens to me in chat all the time. (why the f*ck did i say that? great f*cking job, L. sound more autistic, ffs. talk about something different, no one [xyz-cares, is interested, etc].) you just gotta fight through it. most people don't care about you as much as you think they do. sounds cruel? nah, to me it's comfort. most people aren't sat there watching me and judging me and caring about every little thing i do, most people are too self-involved.

 

[twinkle30]

Lightraze I always look forward to talking to you on chat. :)

 

[Tinyflame]

@Saint Nik , sure, anything can be triggering, here or irl. You're not worthless & neither is your opinion. Sometimes people will agree, partly agree, disagree, misinterpret. One will be infuriated, one will find it consoling. I think I saw the thread, where the divergence may have been fueled is one person's experience is not necessarily another's (supporter or sufferer). Having had (possibly) experience in both roles (& older-age behind me, lol) I recognize the dangers in being able to cut to short conclusions or blanket statements. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong about you.

In the tiniest example, let me say this. Ok, as myself a suffererer, I've acted out badly (past). So I understand what's behind that, at least what was for me. Now, I do believe 'love' goes far, but how one needs to express it is also bound to realities, safety, boundaries, etc. So when a family member (ptsd undiagnosed? , Idk) flipped her lid/ violence, do I call it an excuse for bad behaviour? No. Do I recognize it could end deadly? Yes. Do I understand partly where it's coming from? Yes. Now, there was no way to leave, or leave another behind.. so, then what? ('Take care of yourself' is almost impossible advice in those circumstances). Difficult multi-faceted questions. Etc. (JMHO of course, but there you go = one's experiences). Let alone others who have invested much & been betrayed etc anyway. Not to mention not everyone is going to be rational. I would also argue down-times with ptsd= less than ideal thinking, treated or not. I think some of this is possibly a living-experience issue, those with more have survived things one does not realize without having been through those experiences.

So it's not 'you', but for others the content can be tricky. They've put in miles of realities with their relationships. And every relationship is different.

Hope you won't overly worry about it. :hug:

 

[Weemie]

(thanku @twinkle86 :barefoot:)

 

[falling_wave]

No, I havent. I've been reminded of things in myself I wasn't paying attention to but I wouldn't say triggered. I think the increased awareness I get here makes me deal with my stuff faster than I probably otherwise would.

 

[falling_wave]

Actually, I would say a few times it's taken a day or so for my reaching out for support post has been answered and that was a bit of a trigger to past family dynamics but changing my expectations kind of works there.

 

[Chava]

I don't know if triggered is the right word for me, but earlier on I was irritated at times because there are so many different voices and so many different ways to read my posts. Sometimes I was challenged when I didn't want to be, sometimes there was a gap between what I thought I said and what others heard, etc. Other times I was probably disappointed because I was looking for something that couldn't super likely come out of a web forum, where strangers are responding at their will, and maybe not at all, if my post got lost in the stream.

For me it took sort of figuring out how to use this forum in a way that could support me, outside of other more real-world supports, but also acknowledging that I didn't have control over how people responded. It's not uncommon for people to interject their own stuff into the reading of other people's posts. That's a good starting point for relating, but sometimes the response is better-fit to the reader than the poster. That's fine because that's just how it goes on a web forum. If I didn't appreciate some responses I tried to not let myself get pulled into arguing my point, though trying to clarify sometimes helped. Or I walked away and did something else. You don't have to feel victim to a web forum, but I know it is often confusing starting out...so many voices, so many perspectives.

I know used to get stuck on the ones the responses that bothered me sometimes, because of how they felt to invalidate me, but I've tried to appreciate the messages of those who took time to understand (even if not perfect understanding all the time) and tried to write a helpful response...and not overlook those. I've gotten some good support through looking at it this way.