Haunted By Photo

[Bill Dickerson]

I have a photo of myself, myself, and my kids at my graduation. My ex found it and sent it to me. It was probably one of the proudest moments of my life. Recently the photo haunts me. The picture of my dad disturbs me.

I have been trying to figure out why. I was angry on the inside with him when he died. There's a myriad of reasons. I thought I worked through most of that with my Therapist. I guess not. The photo just makes me uncomfortable.

I've had it for awhile but I hadn't had it out. I was cleaning it up in photoshop so I could make copies for my kids. The graduation was very special but now it feels tainted.

I'm OK with ghosts visiting I just don't like surprises. I'm not seeing any right now but it sure feels like one.

Any ideas? Anybody else have this kind of issue?

 

[rightkindofme]

So is that a Freudian slip up there? You have a picture of yourself, yourself, and your kids? I assume you meant your father?

I don't have a picture of my father. I don't know what he looked like. I have pictures of my paternal grandparents up on the wall--my mother gave me all she had left. I feel haunted by it. What did they do to my father to turn him into such a monster?

I have pictures of my siblings on the wall even though our relationships are completely severed and I hope I never any of them on this earth again or I might feel compelled to run them over with my car and end the evil. (I'm not serious. This is not a homicide threat.) But they have done real evil. :(

I have these pictures up to remind me that these people are part of me whether I like it or not. I can learn from them or I can stupidly repeat their mistakes.

Sometimes it feels like they show up to kick me on bad days. On those days I sometimes take pictures down for a while.

 

[LhasaLover]

It's all in the past... we have to live in the now and leave the ghosts behind. Take a deep breath and say goodbye and get that monkey off your back.

Whatever it takes, talking to your T, making your mind up to accept things and move on.

You know how who your ghost is... your trigger is identified. Forgive and you will feel like the weight is lifted from your your shoulders. Even if the person is a miserable S.O.B., whatever the case, it feels great to unblock yourself and breathe. When you do that, you feel so great you just want to go out and dance all night!

All that matters right now is living in the moment. If we do not decide to live in the moment we will never get a shot at being truly happy in the present.

And yes I have my ghosts. But I am very stubborn about giving my happiness away, I've done that already for too long.

My photos of my ghosts are put away. My ties are cut. It's as if they were dead and gone, they hurt and betrayed me and left me out to dry. When they return to mind, I kick those images to the curb.

Sending prayers for strength,

-LL

 

[therapybankrupt]

Is it cruel for me to say photoshop your dad out of the picture if it is possible?. It is to share a day that you and your children feel proud of. Its for them being with you on that day of glory. I hope you can find some peace. You and your accomplishment is what the picture is all about. Hugs if you accept.

Tb

 

[LhasaLover]

I noticed the same slip Rightkindofme mentioned. It takes a while for ghosts to go away sometimes they are stubborn and linger.

 

[Bill Dickerson]

I think photoshopping him out of the picture is just avoiding the issue. Buried ghosts come back to haunt you when you least expect it.

Besides the whole idea originally was to give the kids a photo of me and a rare photo of my dad. They didn't know him very well. For that matter I didn't know him very well but that wasn't by choice. Well it wasn't by choice at first but I guess it was later.

He's dead so I suppose I'm frustrated.