Have I Misunderstood " Hypervigilance"?

[jadebear]

If it is more than one, then is that realistic?

I actually went to my bedroom and counted everything. I have 28 weapons, so it's not realistic....

I just don't like the unknown. I get all these worst case scenarios that run through my head, all these 'what if's' and I feel safer just knowing I have weapons close by.

is that thought alone enough to outweigh the act of relearning how to sleep without weapons in arms reach?

I never really thought of it in that way. Of course I wouldn't want to accidentally kill anyone.....

you are not ready to target your trauma.

Then why am I wasting my time and money on therapy right now? Shouldn't I just stop going at all until I do stop drinking for months and get my home in order?

 

[anthony]

Then why am I wasting my time and money on therapy right now? Shouldn't I just stop going at all until I do stop drinking for months and get my home in order?

The problem with therapists is... they don't understand the full spectrum of PTSD. Yes... you shouldn't be wasting your money right now on therapy, not if you are drinking and your home environment is up and down... you must get a relatively stable home environment, you must get alcohol / drugs under control. I don't refer to any prescription medication, I refer to any use of illegal drugs. You must get rid of them, you must get alcohol to use level, not abuse or dependence.

Trauma therapy outside of these parameters is counter productive and just wastes all concerned parties time.

Support... yes, we all need that... trauma therapy itself... counter productive if you don't have those two things in order.

If you can't go to trauma therapy and come home, expecting and knowing you are going to have fall-out, and not be able to fall-out... you are then harboring and building within negative emotion, which only hinders further trauma work. Same with alcohol or illegal drugs. Nothing worse than seeing someone go to trauma therapy then think a bottle will make it all go away and ignore what they just went through with a bottle... to only find its still there when they sober up, usually worse. You need support in your life for trauma therapy to truly work... you need stability.

 

[jadebear]

Well now you're throwing illegal drugs into the mix, I'm assuming that's because of my thread in the ptsd forum. My T. is aware that I smoke weed. He sees no harm in it, because he knows it helps me. He even told me I should smoke before I go see him next time.....he thinks it would make things easier for me. I'm not using any other illegal drugs.I see it as no different than someone taking lexapro or xanax or something to help.

I just feel real confused now.You say it's a waste of time to be going through trauma therapy with everything else going on. My T. thinks if I can somehow work through the traumas, it will make a difference in my home environment. He seems to think my life is the way it is because of the traumas. He thinks once I get through them, understand and process them, I will no longer allow so much chaos and drama in my life. I don't know who to listen to.

And BTW, how is someone supposed to just 'be able to fall out' when they have other obligations? I can't hardly go to therapy and then sit home, I have a family and a job......

 

[jadebear]

I cannot stand all the confusion and not knowing what to do or how to do it...it really makes me want to just give up trying at all.

 

[Nyx]

Don't. Even if you feel like it. Once you understand the consequences of your past, your actions, other's actions on you, you cannot go back. It will just build up more anger and frustration.

I would kindly disagree with Anthony on this one, though he speaks from his own experience and I think has based his answer on what worked best for him. I would say you need to keep going to therapy, be it only for the reason that you need support any way you can get now. From what you wrote here, it seems that you have gone through most of your traumas with him, so it should be getting easier from now on. Plus, maybe he can help you find coping mechanisms so you don't have to revolve to drinking anymore.

Secondly, I see this as "freezing your studies". Many people who stop going to school with the thought of going back don't do it. They just stop.

Maybe you could try asking your T what the next steps are, tell him your worries about your home environment, just talk openly about everything that's confusing you at the moment. Take it from there.

 

[jadebear]

Nyx, my T.knows everything about my home environment. When there's something major going on, he stops trauma therapy and we work on the present.

He just wants me to get through the traumas, however I can.

IDK what I should be doing to be honest...

 

[Lucycat]

IMHO you should trust the judgement of your T. He should know you better than anyone, and the advice you get on here, although it may be helpful, or not is only a reflection of what you have shared on here. I bet your T. has much more indepth knowledge about you and your situation.

All the opinion on here, including my own, is based on personal experience. This may be vast and varied or rather narrow. However, there are probably few of us on here who could profess to be an expert. I hope your T. is a trauma specialist.

One day at a time.

 

[cherryblossom]

JB, everyone is different. Yes there may be 'conventional' methods, or conventional therapy methods, but that doesn't mean that an alternative method won't work for you. I'm not getting into a drugs debate (legal, illegal, whatever - that choice is yours). If you trust your therapist, then I personally would follow what your therapist suggests. (JMHO)

Going back to your question about having weapons by the bed. You say you've counted the weapons to be 28! Wow!! That is a lot! Even if I took every sharp knife and every heavy object that I owned I don't think I could find 28 potential weapons in my whole property, let alone have space for them all in my bedroom. (I have a very small house, but even so....) Anyway, you counted 28, and agreed that wasn't realistic, have you been able to reduce the number of weapons by your bed? Or could you consider doing so?
Perhaps consider this. If a criminal broke into your house and made it to your bedroom, even if you and your hubby grapped 2 'weapons' each (one in each hand), that would leave a choice of 22 other weapons, that a perp could grab and use against you.

 

[anthony]

I would kindly disagree with Anthony on this one, though he speaks from his own experience and I think has based his answer on what worked best for him.

Not my experience Nyx... this is based from leading trauma experts in the world... not what I think. What I think is irrelevant for helping people with trauma... I use what some of the best trauma experts in the world have either taught me through discussions or what I have read from them.

All I will say is this. JB is doing things with her therapist... and I agree, you should just stick with your therapist and you will discover whether what their saying works or not.

Either way, I am telling you straight, just like every expert has ever told me... you cannot do trauma therapy if you have any abuse or dependence on alcohol or drugs, and that includes even prescription one's. If you are abusing them... then trauma therapy is useless during that time until they are under control to use stage only and stable.

I don't care what excuses a person gives me... the end answer is the same.

 

[jadebear]

a perp could grab and use against you.

That's exactly what happened last month when I was assaulted...my own weapons were used against me. I should have learned a lesson from that. But instead of getting rid of them, I ended up getting even more.

I do plan on getting rid of all but 2 of them....

 

[Lucycat]

Well done Jadebear.

 

[cherryblossom]

That's exactly what happened last month when I was assaulted...my own weapons were used against me.

I didn't realise that was what happened....:eek:

I do plan on getting rid of all but 2 of them....

That's a good move and a sensible thing to do. :thumbsup: