Have I Misunderstood " Hypervigilance"?

[cherryblossom]

Replacing one negative coping mechanism with a different negative coping mechanism isn't helpful in the slightest and leads to more problems. You are absolutely correct in that a survivor will choose their own way of 'coping'. But drugs, drink, self harm, eating disorders, overwork etc, are in my opinion negative 'coping' measures and are actual miscalled, because they are not coping mechanisms - more like avoidance mechanisms. Positive coping mechanisms being exercise, yoga, meditation, self-care and acceptance. Acceptance that you will feel like crap, post therapy, allowing yourself to feel like crap, and give yourself time to process your therapy session. Not coming home from therapy, feeling like crap and trying to push it all away, drown it in a bottle, get off your head on drugs, self harm, restrict food, or over eat, or work 24/7 so you dont have to think about things. Therapy shouldn't be with held from trama sufferers, but positive coping mechanisms need to in place, before trauma therapy has any lasting effect. Just my opinion based on experience and research.

 

[snugglepuss]

I don't say that one way of coping is better or worse than the other. If I do that to myself, I am shaming myself, as well as other people who struggle with the same or similar issues. I acknowledge that there are some ways of coping that might be more or less in line with how I want to be, or where I want to go. But being less in line with those things does not make something negative, or bad, or f*cked up, or stupid, or childish, or a waste of time for the therapist.

They are commonly referred to as coping mechanisms because it helps people to cope with the trauma and the pain. The other option prior to any treatment for me was to kill myself.

That is where I think a lot more work needs to be done in regards to people with mental health issues, specifically those of us who have wrestled with addiction as well. I think that education needs to be offered to the public as well as to the victims to explain that when people use self injury, or drugs, or whatever, they are not wanting to be dead. They are in fact doing the exact opposite, and fighting with literally everything they can muster to stay alive.

I took offense to the way it was worded. Being called a waste of time when I am doing the best I can with what I have at this particular juncture in time is pretty hurtful, and incredibly shaming. It echoes a lot of the messages we get from those around us, but also from the people who abused us. Their lack of ability to see us as worthwhile is what made them think it was okay for them to use us to accomplish what they wanted.

 

[anthony]

Okay. I thought you were speaking more from your experience, since you were having problems with alcohol too when you started...

This information is typically exactly what has worked for me, yes. Experience is part of it, but the point is, the information is the real stuff that works vs. all the BS people write just to try and make a name for themselves.

I have always stated, what I typically provide people is the best and most accurate pieces that really have scope in PTSD vs. the majority of information is regurgitated and said another way out in the world of publications, OR, someone is making up some crap to try and make a name for themselves... or put a different spin on an existing therapy, also to make a name for themselves.

 

[anthony]

You're right....I don't. But it's because when I do make changes, I don't want to be told it's not the right way or it's not good enough.

That is exactly what she is talking about from my interpretation. And you admittance confirms the theory.

 

[anthony]

Yes, someone might be dealing with addiction issues at the same time, but that does not mean that they do not deserve the opportunity to learn new ways of coping.

Tackling addiction issues seperately vs. having them during trauma therapy, two very different things.

All of the counselling I have had over the past 5 years, (the past 4 years I have been clean) the therapists have not made an issue of my addiction. Yes, they might have expressed concern about my using, but they never attempted to shame me for how I was coping.

You are confirming exactly what I have said though, being you got rid of the addiction issues first, before really getting into the main trauma therapy. You would be none the better if you had an addiction issue for the last 5 years of therapy, and then I am going to say... 5 years of therapy also says to me that you have been coasting along and doing stuff all, because nobody should need 5 years of trauma therapy, EVER. All these factors when people mention them are immediate alerts that you are not really committing trauma therapy... especially with 5 years of therapy.

Therapists might encourage someone to work on the addiction too

Again, you cannot perform trauma therapy with an addiction in full swing. I don't care how much you try to evaluate it or make excuses for it, the facts stand, trauma therapy with addiction issues equates to extremely poor results which typically only ends up with years of therapy and excuses, half arsed commitment, etc.

I was an expert in making excuses for my actions, my habits, my destructive ways and coping skills.

Everyone has coping skills, but the huge difference here is that some are more destructive than others. Alcohol and drugs are extremely destructive compared to many other coping methods. Alcohol & drugs cannot be beyond "use" for trauma therapy. Use, Abuse, Dependence. "Use" ONLY for trauma therapy.

 

[snugglepuss]

wow.

so, considering that you know nothing about me, how is it possible for you to say that i have been doing "stuff all" in regards to therapy?
Also, I didn't say it was 5 years of trauma therapy. That was a huge jump to conclusions on your part. I am wondering if it is common for you to insult and degrade members of the sites you run who are here because of extremely horrific things that have happened to them?
I have read a bit of your story, and saw that you received treatment through the VA in your country. That must have made things a hell of a lot easier for you. See, I have been on permanent disability for the past 5 years as a result of the trauma I suffered when I was a child (domestic violence, abuse, physical abuse) and being raped by a stranger when I was 13. That means that I have to wait until there are services available to help me. It also means that I can get in to see a therapist at most 2 times per month.
So, before you start passing judgement on me, and my experiences, and the work that I have committed to and all that I have accomplished, I would really suggest that you take a step back and regard how your actions here would maybe affect a person, how your judgements and accusations have made me feel, and take the time to consider yourself incredibly fortunate that you had the help you did.
Because if you happen to be a woman who has been raped, the resources are not really there to help you, unlike the resources that are offered to people who have been in the army/navy/marines/police/fire, etc.

 

[anthony]

Nobody should need 5 years of therapy... If someone told me they where in relationship therapy for 5 years, then maybe they are in the wrong relationship to begin with. Therapy is a tool to work on something, then go practice what you learnt. Any amount of therapy for any extended period of years says that you are not working on the practice side of things. Any long term therapy is typically more destructive than good, because you become co-dependent on a third parties opinion and base your life on that, then returning to ask more questions, instead of learning behaviours, emotions, negative aspects, then changing those through practical work.

Yes, trauma therapy was my presumption... apologies. I normally do not presume, but I wrote this quickly.

You did exactly what I also expected, being that you took one small part of the entire response and concentrated on that one point in order to try and avoid your real issues again. This is a typical diversionary tactic which you need to stop.

Yes, there is not always the treatment options available to everyone in every country, but even if raped in Australia, sorry to say, free professional services are immediately available here, and often extremely discounted ongoing. Your country is obviously lacking in some areas, or maybe you have not necessarily sought out the available services. I believe many have told me over the years that the US and UK also have free rape crisis services and such available. Obviously still not available to all areas of every country... ie. isolated areas are often lacking.

I am by no means here to pass judegement upon you, but please don't start with the sympathy trip... I don't bite with it. You can sit around in sympathy all day long on what has happened to you, OR, you can start putting in some long, painful, work on really healing the trauma, practicing what you learn, and putting your past behind you.

If you have done that... then excellent. If not... here you still are and the question begs... why not?