Have you found value in "talking about it" with friends?

[Alex69]

The only people I've ever talked about PTSD to is the doctors, and other people who have it. As for the latter, I found it very relieving. It's just a kind of kinship I felt when someone finally "got it".

I don't have a lot of friends, through my own trust issues, but I do try to help people as much as I can. This kind of backfired when I developed a friendly relationship with my coworker helping him deal with some stuff. In the process he became suspicious of me in terms of my PTSD, I imagine just from our conversations and his military experience.

I've been symptomatic lately, and he's noticed, which I hate; I'd rather no one ever notice there's something wrong with me, ever. He'll ask, "how you doing" or try to provoke conversations and I will dismiss them with "I'm good". It makes me feel guilty. I had to tell him that I had to WFH yesterday because I needed to take a Valium and couldn't drive in, because I felt ashamed with him saying he was disappointed in missing me. He asked about that and I didn't elaborate, which feels bad.

I don't want to or need to trauma dump on anyone, and he didn't sign up to be made uncomfortable, but it feels like it's affecting our relationship. I don't know if talking about it will make it better or worse.

From people who "get it", have you found value in having this conversation with people? How did you approach it and how did it pan out?

 

[Weemie]

It depends. I have become more comfortable being openly able to talk about human trafficking essentially in public, as I run a support group for PTSD and produce content about it.

But I try to keep my actual symptoms and trauma dumping and craziness to only the appropriate places. (Such as my diary here, forms of examples to teach others how to do narrative exposure therapy, or my channel on Discord that only certain people can see.)

I think there's a lot of value in being open about your experiences because it means you're engaging authentically with your community and gives you a voice - both things which are humanizing and healing.

I spent a long time keeping secrets and omitting the truth because I was afraid I would be rejected by my peers, but I've found that people are much more responsive than I ever could have anticipated. I've had a lot of reactions ranging from overtly hostile name calling to profound kindness.

It's shown me that I am a lot stronger and more capable of dealing with negativity than I initially expected.

 

[Alex69]

It depends. I have become more comfortable being openly able to talk about human trafficking essentially in public, as I run a support group for PTSD and produce content about it.

But I try to keep my actual symptoms and trauma dumping and craziness to only the appropriate places. (Such as my diary here, forms of examples to teach others how to do narrative exposure therapy, or my channel on Discord that only certain people can see.)

I think there's a lot of value in being open about your experiences because it means you're engaging authentically with your community and gives you a voice - both things which are humanizing and healing.

I spent a long time keeping secrets and omitting the truth because I was afraid I would be rejected by my peers, but I've found that people are much more responsive than I ever could have anticipated. I've had a lot of reactions ranging from overtly hostile name calling to profound kindness.

It's shown me that I am a lot stronger and more capable of dealing with negativity than I initially expected.

That's great to hear: I'm genuinely thrilled for you and am glad you also are able to help others. And thank you for assisting me here.

I don't think there's a need here to talk about the experiences themselves, I have done a lot of that and am fine with satisfying someone's curiosity if they ask.

To be more concise here, I am concerned just about talking about the condition itself. My tremors, how I might and have disassociated in conversation, startle reflex. This is what actually affects other people around me, and what I feel guilty about subjecting them to. It greatly distresses me to have other people notice and be uncomfortable, but also greatly distresses me to feel like I'm lying to one of the few friends I have.

 

[No More]

I don’t talk about details of the actual events themselves with friends. Some of them might know vaguely of the ‘stuff’ but not the ins and outs of it - that’s for my therapist to know.

I definitely share if I’m struggling, or various symptoms, all of my friends would have high pressure/stress jobs and so even if they wouldn’t understand the cause necessarily, we can all relate to one another. I have pretty dark humour as a coping mechanism and some of them definitely get it and throw their own right back at me, so that’s a really nice way to share without it being very serious and putting them on the spot.

 

[arfie]

i'm with you on preferring to limit my ptsd conversations to my therapy support network. friends, family, coworkers, et al, are too close to the equation to be effective supporters. however, i also believe that the more comfortable i am discussing my trauma/ongoing symptoms, the greater my healing opportunities. this includes setting and maintaining boundaries on just how much i care to share at any given time for any reason, stated or not. i don't owe anybody an explanation.

i hate liars, especially when the liar is me. in cases such as you are describing here, my standard response is down the line of, "thank you for caring, cherished friend, but privacy needed. please, let's change the subject. how's that work project going?"

 

[Alex69]

I don’t talk about details of the actual events themselves with friends. Some of them might know vaguely of the ‘stuff’ but not the ins and outs of it - that’s for my therapist to know.

I definitely share if I’m struggling, or various symptoms, all of my friends would have high pressure/stress jobs and so even if they wouldn’t understand the cause necessarily, we can all relate to one another. I have pretty dark humour as a coping mechanism and some of them definitely get it and throw their own right back at me, so that’s a really nice way to share without it being very serious and putting them on the spot.

I long for this. This morning my keyring came apart and I had a good laugh at myself trying to get them back together through the tremors. I would like to be able to laugh about it with someone else, and worry that they would just pity me and make me feel bad for it, ha. Sounds like if I want that kind of joviality I do need to actually put it out there first though, and that I need to have a conversation with my friend. It is encouraging to hear about your positive responses, so thank you for sharing.

i'm with you on preferring to limit my ptsd conversations to my therapy support network. friends, family, coworkers, et al, are too close to the equation to be effective supporters. however, i also believe that the more comfortable i am discussing my trauma/ongoing symptoms, the greater my healing opportunities. this includes setting and maintaining boundaries on just how much i care to share at any given time for any reason, stated or not. i don't owe anybody an explanation.

i hate liars, especially when the liar is me. in cases such as you are describing here, my standard response is down the line of, "thank you for caring, cherished friend, but privacy needed. please, let's change the subject. how's that work project going?"

That bit about lying hits hard. I appreciate the confidence in just stating the boundary as well.

To address the first part of your post, if you don't mind me asking, how have you balanced your approach to not wanting people to know, and knowing there's benefit to having other people know? I've only ever hoped for the best and jumped in, with mixed results.

 

[Freddyt]

I long for this. This morning my keyring came apart and I had a good laugh at myself trying to get them back together through the tremors. I would like to be able to laugh about it with someone else, and worry that they would just pity me and make me feel bad for it, ha. Sounds like if I want that kind of joviality I do need to actually put it out there first though, and that I need to have a conversation with my friend. It is encouraging to hear about your positive responses, so thank you for sharing.

Problem is - the only person I know that "gets it" is my wife, because she sees all the ugly stuff.

Friends and stuff - its an anxiety disorder. Because they can understand that. PTSD they have no idea. So the simple explanation makes it easy for them to understand what they see. What they need to know - if I seem like I'm struggling - find me a quiet place, and give me a few minutes.

Past that CPTSD is for my doc, Psychiatrist, and Therapist......

 

[whiteraven]

I don't find value in discussing details with anyone, including my T.

 

[No More]

I long for this. This morning my keyring came apart and I had a good laugh at myself trying to get them back together through the tremors. I would like to be able to laugh about it with someone else, and worry that they would just pity me and make me feel bad for it, ha. Sounds like if I want that kind of joviality I do need to actually put it out there first though, and that I need to have a conversation with my friend. It is encouraging to hear about your positive responses, so thank you for sharing.

See this is totally the kind of thing I would laugh at myself/with someone else over. I would definitely say this is the kind of thing you need to put out there first and demonstrate that finding humour in those situations is something you’d find helpful. I think a lot of people would be quite nervous to joke about it first, not knowing how it would be received, as this type of humour isn’t for everyone and some people would definitely not be okay with it.

 

[arfie]

how have you balanced your approach to not wanting people to know, and knowing there's benefit to having other people know?

i really don't care who does or does not think they **know**. having been raised as a child prostitute who was forever the new kid on the playground gave me a pretty thick skin on the nature of gossip, including the pervs who want to hear all the pornographic details. i ain't your personal porn channel, moron! my greatest balancing act is being gentle in how i respond to curiosity questions. no punching out morons, either verbally or physically.

i don't WANT to talk about it. there is a huge diff. i DO want to heal. the more casually i can talk about the facts of my life, the less intense the flashbacks, etc.

 

[MnM]

i don't WANT to talk about it. there is a huge diff. i DO want to heal. the more casually i can talk about the facts of my life, the less intense the flashbacks, etc.

ALL OF THISSSSS

Regarding friends, I'm pretty much

- distant text friends with people who have PTSD
- fringe friends I don't have to "come out to" cuz we talk about self-awareness and philosophy all day (okay not for more than two hours and always before 7pm)
- long-time friends who know but have no idea what to do or say so I don't see them
- missing the old school friendship where you hang out on the floor and pick at the carpet

 

[Freddyt]

In some ways at some times - it can be surreal. Went out with mom and sis for breakfast yesterday. Then did some shopping with sis. It was all really chill and relaxed and still - I know...I'm on the hypervig horse riding along all day.

Get to my sisters place and she comments on how well I'm doing - while I can feel my neck and shoulders are so tight I'm getting a headache.

So sometimes - even with people you know that know - it doesn't help at times, because they only ever notice once you go over the edge.........So the true value in telling people is.....that there is no benefit. And if there is no benefit - why tell?