Childhood Have You Told Your Abuser(s) You Have Ptsd?

[katz]

When I was diagnosed with PTSD, I was in my 40's. When the doctor told my folks, my mother was surprised! (I wish that I had gotten a look at my dad--he is one of the people who abused me.)

It took me many years to convince myself that it actually happened. We looked like such a normal family. Then one day, I was going thru some papers in my room and I found just what I needed.

It is a letter I wrote to "God" when I was very young. Lower elementary school, by the grammer that was used. The short note begged "Him" for help. It said that it was my "daddy hurting me", it said that I told "mommy". It convinced me that it all took place--no matter what anyone in the family said. I have not showed it to anyone else, but I will someday. I am also planning on putting a copy in the casket of my father when he dies. I know that "He" will do what is necessary. (Although, I have to admit, the urge is really, really strong to just show it to him and make him afraid of what might be coming--he is over 90 now, and very mentally alert.)
I would ask him again if he did it, and when he denies it-- again--I will show him the letter and let him see that "I told" and "someone" believes me.
At the same time, I don't want to cause his death. I would feel so guilty. I've been thru enough hardships from this and don't want to cause any more for myself. I just keep telling myself that some day it will all come out--for everyone.
Thank you so much for holding my "secret". And for believing me.

 

[aXXomus]

They denied it and thought it was me and still do to this day. But he is a snake and will pay for it in the end while I move on.

 

[RavenGirl]

@aXXomus sorry to hear that, I agree they will get their just desserts. If not in this life then in the afterlife. I refuse to give my abuser the satisfaction of knowing he hurt me that bad. :locktopic: He'd probably find a warped sense of comfort knowing he still had a sort of control of me (mentally in a way) today.:devilish:

 

[Call-Me-Dream]

Yeah, my mom now blames me even more because everything wrong is due to my "issues". Thats actually killing me, I hate being treated like that.
My step dad cares only about himself, so it means nothing, I don't care.

I won't tell my dad, I don't like talking to him more than I have to and he'll find a way to guilt me or something or say its of course my fault.

 

[RavenGirl]

@BelovedDreamwalker , sorry you are being treated that way. That's the problem with abusers, they are narcissistic assholes who don't care about others feelings. If they had a heart they wouldn't of abused us in the first place. Hang in there as I feel you are better than how they treat you. You are beautiful, You deserve respect, you are stronger than you think, you deserve to be loved, you have value! ! :hug:

 

[Deleted member 30956]

News... while I stayed in the hospital a week ago, I called my father to tell him I have this condition. He tried to sound concerned, but in the end told me that I should let the doctors know that since I was born prematurely ("brain damage"), and since my mother has a severe mental illness ("genetics"), I'm predisposed to these things. I wanted to choke him.

 

[RavenGirl]

@Salad, sorry it went down like that. Any way to explain it away so no one has to take any ownership for their part. Even if we may be predisposed, it doesn't matter! What matters is what we went through and what we are still going through. It's hard, but I've come to the point in my life where I cut people out who aren't supportive. It was hard at first, but I feel awesome now as this great weight has lifted from my shoulders and so much anxiety has left me. When I don't have to pretend to be something or someone inI'm not it's such a relief! I hope things get better for you too. Hang in there. You are worth it! You can do it. ;):tup::hug:

 

[Deleted member 30956]

I hope I make it to that golden place of freedom you are in now, RavenGirl! You are so lucky!

 

[RavenGirl]

@Salad , I still haven't told my patents though. .. you are ahead of me there! I have already made peace in my mind though; if they don't believe me or give me a hard time I'll cut them out too as they (mostly my mom) are stressors and I need to do what is best for me. If they love me and want me in their lives they will be supportive. I have ZERO tolerance for bullshit, as I want to keep healing and moving forward. I've found "family" isn't always those who you are related to. Family are those who have your best interests at heart, support you, and love you unconditionally. :);):tup::hug:

 

[RavenGirl]

@Salad, we can do this. I have faith in both of us. :inlove:

 

[katz]

News... while I stayed in the hospital a week ago, I called my father to tell him I have this condition. H...

Salad,
When I was in the hospital, for other reasons, they diagnosed me with PTSD. I made sure that the doctor was the one who told them! I was amazed at the "surprised" look on my mom's face. I wish so much I had looked at Dad. Ever since then, I have not disassociated. I was amazed that it would have this effect. It gave me strength. I doubt that my folks would have believed me if I told them. I have been known as the "problem" child to my family ever since I was little. I have even heard my folks telling my boyfriends that I make up stories. Don't let it bother you that he doesn't care or denies it. He always will. Try to move on and have faith in yourself that your a Survivor.

 

[I_Am_Titanium]

Yes the last one knows. He used it against me whenever he could and said I was using my diagnosis as a crutch. He would re-traumatize me on purpose and then blame me for it telling me I was unstable. Thankfully I left him. He still tries to emotionally abuse me but I am taking my power back.