Having A Dissociative Disorder Sucks!

[mamachick]

Sorry for the struggles Pheonix-ditto on what others have said.
Some therapists do not mind you taping sessions and then listening to them again at home. While it does not prevent the dissociation, for me, even when things are repeated, I zone out again and leave with some missing pieces, trying to put things together.

 

[Phoenix_Rising]

It actually scares me because along with the dissociation I feel like I'm not real, like we are a figment of someone's imagination, ever seen the truman show? Well like that.

This really stood out for me because my last session, on Friday, was like that. I had the other dissociation as well but I felt like I was a ghost. I could not feel myself at all, it was like I was not even there. I'm scanning myself, trying to bring myself back (from that, and all the rest of it) trying to find SOME part of me I can sense, feel, is there, and I couldn't.

It gets very frustrating after a while because I try so very hard to get myself to come back and I CAN'T. It's one thing if you aren't trying to, when the dissociation is serving a useful purpose, or helpful... When you are actively trying to re-engage with yourself and the world and realize how bloody little control you have over it when you want it... That just sucks.

Sorry to hear there are so many in the same boat :( but it is good to know we all are at least not alone.

Hugs to anyone who wants them :inlove: or could use one today :)

 

[Keeper of the Wheel]

Phenix_Rising, I understand so much what you experience because I am at the same place right now. Last friday the therapy was going well until my T said something about controlling flashbacks because it is no good when it just brings bad feelings and then you become it.

Then I was gone completely (for how long ?) after hearing a part of me inside saying ''If you say so, you're the psy." in a sarcastic voice. Then I came back later, in dissociation very far from the office where he was still talking to me about the same topic. He saw that I was in dissociation. It was like I went away from the center with no one replacing me, just void and couln't come back even if he accompanied me to go to my Safe Place.
It happened before in a session but we will try this week to understand what triggered the dissociation this time.

I really appreciate this tread because it helps me understand what I am going trought also. The informations are really useful. The magic of it is that we are not alone

 

[TranquilStream]

OMG I have suffered dissociation for a while now and currently dealing with what you have posted! Exactly what you posted actually. I started dissociating in my therapist's office on about the 3rd visit. I never said anything as I didn't know what it was. On the 3rd visit I told her about it and then she said it was dissociation.

I have found something that helps me is to feel something with my hands, mostly my fingertips. I have 3 little yoga hand balls that are squishy at different hard/softness and I chose from one of those to squish in my hands a while, mostly concentrating on my fingertips. When I have been out in public and having difficulty I will go into the pubic bathroom stall and close the door, run my fingertips against the rough or cold walls. I do this also with a couch fabric, and the walls in the house. It helps me some. I believe it has to do with extra grey matter in the brain around the sense perception. I think that inititating those nerve impulses in the brain helps to bring one back to present. I have to work at it for a while sometimes but it does help me.

 

[TranquilStream]

Even a stick with some tree bark would work too.

 

[SilentWhisper]

Thank you for that, I will give it a try. I don't have yoga balls however stress balls are quite easy to get hold of and quite cheap. Thank you