Having a hard time with my kids getting hurt

[Tam4511]

I lost my mom almost four years ago. She was only 51. I was 30. We had a rocky relationship, but we were working on it. She started coming back to church and I felt like maybe things would get better between us. She abused prescription and over the counter drugs and I had to distance myself from her for my sake and for the sake of my three children.

I found her in her apartment. The coroner said she had already been gone a week. I will leave it at that. Too horrific to describe seeing your mother a week after she passed away. I screamed and screamed. She died of heart disease.

For the next several months, if I would see a blanket thrown in a pile on our couch, I would panic and go back to that day when I found her. I would see an object in the yard or in someone else’s yard and I’d be afraid it was a dead body. I just couldn’t shake it.

Those feelings have subsided, but I am still having a hard time when my kids get physically hurt. My son broke his arm and I went into panic mode. My daughter hit her head and there was quite a bit of blood and all I could do was jump up and down and scream. She was only five at that time. Now she panics every time she hits her head because she is afraid it will bleed. I feel like I have ruined her and I hate that I have become useless to my children. I tried talking to someone after my mom passed, but I have trust issues and she was a stranger and it just felt weird talking to her face to face about it.

Has anyone seen something so terrible that it’s affecting your relationship with your kids? I could really use some advice. Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this.

 

[Deleted member 541]

First of all, I’m so sorry for what you went through. It must have been so difficult. I will suggest though that you get in to see a qualified therapist soon. You need the help do deal with what you’ve been through and your children need to have a mom that doesn’t pass on her fears to them. I know that seems harsh. Not meant to be, but your fears are now effecting your kids.

I hope that you can find the help that you deserve, and this community can help also.

 

[intothelight]

First of all I am so sorry for your loss and what a horrible thing to discover and see. Just remember that what happened to your mother and how you found her isn't a normal event. Hold that thought because it is important and your response is normal to the abnormal.

I have four children and although they are adults now, they all had their fair share of accidents. Broken bones, cuts, stitches, concussions, etc. are very normal events for active children. Just keep in mind these are normal events, and your goal is to be able to normalize your response to them.

If you can, see a therapist and also see about grief counseling. To loose your mother in the midst of reconciling the relationship adds a whole other level of loss and hurt. Also take heart in the fact that children are pretty resilient and by making yourself better, it will only help them in the long run. There is also a lesson in children seeing their parent tackle and overcome adversity that sets a strong life example. You haven't ruined anyone's life and you are not useless, you have difficulty in dealing with injuries to those you love.

Yes, i have seen and experienced some really terrible things and it did affect my children. However, with therapy, open and honest discussion and by example the majority of them are doing pretty well now. It can get better for everyone, just keep that thought in mind, especially when it seems overwhelming.

 

[Deleted member 44579]

Hi @tam4511.... In sorry about your mum.... It takes time grief and the way you found her.

Therapy would really benefit you.... It will teach you new ways to learn how to cope with your kids getting hurt.... Which lets face it.. They do when little but bounce right back....
You're not doing anything wrong... Your brain is just In panic mode.... It will change with times.. And your kids will be fine.. Don't worry... Take care