Having Emotional Flashbacks And Struggling.

[Sailorgal]

"I can't decide if I am hitting a new layer of stuff or if I am merely back and triggered (meaning that in the looser sense). I am not sure if these things go in cycles when we hit bumps in the road or if we maybe deal with another lot of the pain when it comes up."

Isn't that what makes ptsd so fun to deal with! Yeah it's like a maze, roller coaster hybrid... No wonder i'm not a fan of theme parks.

Gizmo--people can be downright cruel!!!! It's good you have recognized it. I read your other thread just now - lol! You're a very brave woman with a beautiful heart. Your diary is very encouraging. Btw, wishing your daughter my best as well. She is blessed to have you as her mother!!!!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you Sailorgal so much for what you said. It means so much to me. People can be cruel. But it is better to find out as early as possible so to steer clear. Thanks for the bestwishes for my daughter. She is so much stronger and independent than me. She is a much better mother than me which means I did my job right somehow. I am very proud of my daughter. Thanks again so much. Hugs.:hug:

 

[Ice_Fire]

((((((((((gizmo))))))))))

Sending you a big hug and support for the emdr session. I really hope you can successfully tackle those memories.

You are a wonderful, caring and insightful person. No matter what your mum said to you. Much love :hug:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you so much for that Rose. I really needed that. I am feeling so down today. The emdr will help me get in touch with how I really feel about what happened to me. I am sad because this is the last session for two months. I will start a group sometime in the future. She has to give me a referal to the group first.

Anyway I am rambling on. I really appreciate the kind words and the hugs. You are wonderful to say such things. You are pretty special too.

 

[quaintpapercut]

I understand completely what your feeling and going through as it relates to your mother. I don't have many helpful suggestions as I haven't even really begun to touch on the feelings and emotions that surround the way she treated me as its just so difficult to understand and accept.

I know it feels horrible right now but the fact that you are feeling this things means that your a little bit closer to healing and processing things. My mother did considerable damage to me but I am completely numb as to how it made me feel my entire life. Every once in a while I get a small twinge of it or a memory will come back and I have to shut it down completely as I'm not ready for it. I think your very brave for dealing with these memories the way you are :hug:.

 

[Helliepig]

Wow Gizmo, that is a big realisation, remembering that stuff about your mum. It's like a shock, but like a relief at the same time, when you realise something this "new", because deep inside part of you already knows the truth and thank god the rest of you does now too. It's like something internally gives way when that happens... a settling of some tension or some knot.

It's just that then you then have to deal with the pain of integrating that realisation, grieving it , etc.

I think flashbacks can be scary but once you get used to them, I find myself curious and almost enjoying them.. frustrated that I can't see more. It's a good sign stuff is coming up and pressing for resolution.

I think you are doing amazing stuff. I'm sorry you are feeling bad but you are making such profound progress and seeing things for what they are. It takes courage to do that. xx

 

[Thinkingman85]

Gizmo, I share your pain with family issues. After both of my parents passed away, my older brother became a deceptive drug addict. I now live on my own with practically no family ties. One thing that I've learned about people you love (or loved) is that you were hurt because of the problems they had themselves. It can feel natural to blame yourself for being treated that way, but in reality, it wasn't your fault. It was your mother's. Being able to shift the blame from oneself to another requires insight and strength. After that is done, you will probably feel sorry for the person and less weight will be on your shoulders. You will get back in touch with the caring aspect of yourself. All the best.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Gizmo, you should be proud of yourself AND your daughter. You are a beautiful and kind, sweet person, and that is on top of everything you've been through. Everything good everyone here has said is TRUE. :inlove: :hug:

PS, not sure if this is helpful and must hurry, but as I understand it, there are memories, triggers, FB's (you're right 'there'), and Emotional FB's being some trigger (usually unidentified) that results in unbearable overwhelming feelings (that seem to not have an explanation). All I know is, there's something on here- a link to Pete Walker, a T with PTSD himself, that (he) had 13 or so great pointers on how to get grounded during an EFB. (I have to find it again myself, good reminder! I can only recall one, to envision (now, at the time) that you are now safe, feel it too, I mean. Yikes I will have to write them on my arms, can't remember. :rolleyes: )

(((((((Big Big HUgs, xoxox)))))

 

[Spiderallis]

oh Gizmo, (((big hugs))), I'm so sorry that you're dealing with such a painful memory and the yucky situation that brought it out. You've got a beautiful soul and it's reflected through your family, your daughter and your grand-darlings. It took a lot to keep that light shining through all the darkness you've been through. Thanks for being you, and for sharing who you are on the forums. You're very loved around here. Another (((HUGE HUG))) because you give great hugs~ you're working through it very well, it's hard to do and you're doing a great job!