Having To Sleep Overnight At Very Triggering Place

[Manic11]

My grandparents have owned their cottage for almost 25 years. The whole family (including extended family) uses this cottage. We all go there to celebrate different occasions. I have a lot of memories there, especially as a child. But a lot of the memories I have are being abused by my father there.

I am always extremely uncomfortable there. I do not enjoy going there. I have found myself taking certain shifts at work so I can tell my family I'm working so I cannot go. If I do have to join everyone, I will go for dinner and leave when dinner is done. Whenever I am there, I am extremely jumpy, I cannot breath, flashbacks are constant and very strong, etc.

This weekend is Thanksgiving weekend and I am expected to go for dinner. My car is broken so I will have to drive with my family. This means I will have to spend the night. Does anyone have any tips on how I can get through the night without staring at the clock all night in a panic praying to leave?

Also, my grandparents can no longer afford to keep the cottage and cannot physically maintain it anymore. They are planning on selling it. For some reason, this really upsets me. I really don't want them to sell it. I just cannot figure out why. I mean, I really don't like being there so why would it bother me? I thought that maybe its because I'm used to going there and now I won't be able to anymore? Or because I have a phobia of change? Any ideas?

Thanks for listening...

Manic

 

[cragger65]

Is it possible that you don't want your grandparents to sell the cottage because you have unfinished business there? Perhaps that is where you can most directly face and address your demons.

A few years ago, they tore down the house we first lived in when we moved to town - I was 4 at the time, and we lived there until I was 8. After my accident, I felt very strongly I needed to visit that house again and address old ghosts, but I had a nervous breakdown (for other reasons) and wound up convincing myself it was a bad idea, or just too hard to face, because I wasn't at my best.

I regret that so very much so now, it would have helped me so much to go through that house again, and smell, feel, and touch the reality of that part of my childhood once again. Now it's gone, and there's no going back. Perhaps ask your gp's if you could have the key to go up with friends one weekend, but just go by yourself. With no one there to shield your feelings from from, you are free to wander from room to room and process what lies inside of you. If you are up to it of course. Like I say, I so wish I had done so myself, as hard as it would have been, it would have helped with my perspective and sense of closure, so, so much. Just a thought.

Take care of yourself,
Dave

 

[BethRSA]

Hi!

I can understand how going to the cottage (and sleeping there) could really upset you.

Maybe having something small and comforting to ground you can help. Normally, do you take any pills to help you sleep? If not, maybe taking something could take the edge off so that you can sleep.

Does anyone who will be there know what happened to you? Sometimes, it helps me to know that someone else knows what I'm going through. Many times, they don't have to say anything. I just know that they are there for me. If no one there knows, at least we here know so we can encourage you from afar.

:Hug_emoticon: Beth

 

[Manic11]

Thank you both for your responses...
I leave tonight for the cottage and I'm very uneasy.
Is it weird that the thing I'm fearing the most is the men in my family wanting to hug me? I always feel like a huge freak when I make some excuse and quickly jet the other way or jump 5 feet into the air if they come up behind me.
No one knows about the abuse (my Mom knows that I have an anxiety disorder but doesn't believe it exists. She strongly believes I was just going through a "phase" when I was diagnosed). My family is not the kind of family that I can explain that too. We tend to pretend we are closer than we are at family gatherings but personally, none of us are very close to one another. I'm glad I have the forum for support this time though.
I'm sure that will help.

I remember one year my whole family debating on whether combat PTSD exists or not. They all voted no. So I do not plan on trying to explain C-PTSD to them. :wall:

Manic

 

[skyp56]

Manic, you are a strong and courageous person for doing something that gives you such anxiety! I am such a chicken, I would probably just refuse to attend-family obligations or not. I hope you can keep a doorway open to that strong inner part of you for this event.

Wishing the best for you!
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
Shelley

 

[Claire]

That sounds really hard Manic. It also sounds horribly familiar with your family not believing PTSD exists. Are you sure there's no-one in the family that you could confide in? It might be that there is someone but that in the group situation they wouldn't show themselves as understanding.

I know what its like to have no support from your family and it is really hard. Maybe you could try and educate them when the time is more appropriate? Every now and then I try with mine, just to test the water. Or you could decide that you dont want to attend these occassions if they are damaging. What do you get out of them other than towing the line? Just because they are family and you are expected to go doesn't mean you have to.

I can understand you dont want them to sell the house. I'd guess that's because what happened there hasn't been resolved for you or even recognised by the people around you.

 

[Jagged Angel]

Hi Manic,

I can't offer any advise. I don't even know how do deal with my own family (except not to see them much). All I want to offer here is support. My thoughts will be with you, and I hope you can cope with Thanksgiving.

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

Manic -

I hope the weekend was ok - I think Cragger is right - that you very well may have some unsettled issues related to the cabin. I don't like hugs either - and have gotten pretty good at moving it into a one armed half attempt (it's all in the maneuver).

I really hope everything went ok for you and you were able to get some rest.

 

[Manic11]

Well I did it. I just got back about half an hour ago and I'm so glad to be home!
I ended up drinking quite a bit, unfortunatly. I didn't want to but it definitely helped. I didn't sleep. I stayed up all night, made breakfast for my family in the morning so they could eat and we could leave.
Anyway, it was rough but I made it. It really helped to have the support of the forum behind me.
Thanks to everyone for your replies.

Manic

 

[Jagged Angel]

I am very pleased to hear you made it through in one piece. As to the drinking - sometimes we have to things like that to cope.