Relationship He Blew Up At Me Today

[KyGirl31]

Has anyone else had their sufferer to blow up and call them names? My guy is always and has always been so calm and gentle with me and about a month ago we had an argument and he told me to go f**k myself and he immediately apologized the next day.Totally unlike him and he apologized the next day so I overlooked it but we've had some issues lately and I had told him that we needed to take a break mainly because we're long distance and I don't feel he has time for me so today he blows up again calling me a slut twice and says " am i making it easier?" He said he was pissed and hurt.Then he realized he crossed the line.He always seemed so gentle and this has presented itself now so is this something that I can look forward to? A little history..he has combat PTSD but has done his therapy for years and has done awesome so I'm just floored.

 

[nursenurse]

My guy doesn't call me names. One thing I can tell you after being in a non-PTSD relationship where name calling happened frequently over the years - it gets worse if not nipped in the bud, and you will internalize it eventually. This would be a deal breaker for me. it has taken me 5 years to get over the things I was called, even though during all those years, I never thought the words were bothering me. This is something new, so give him a chance to get help for it now. If he will not, consider the walk. It is abuse. It is ugly. And trust me, you will suffer for it if it is prolonged. I wonder if something else is bothering him, is there possibly someone else? I can't remember from your previous threads. Don't for a minute believe sticks and stones. He is not respecting you. And apologies run cold if the bad behaviour continues.

 

[KyGirl31]

Well he's made it very clear he wants to be with me but he works so much I felt like my needs weren't being met so I chose to tell him we needed to stop and that's when this happened.I don't think there's anyone else.However about the name calling, I was called a b***h so much in my marriage before that it affected me big time so I understand you on that part fully.It just broke me down so to have him call me a slut just brought back memories.

 

[nursenurse]

It should break you down, and you should not tolerate it. If this is how he reacts, then he will do so again within the context of a permanent relationship. He obviously has some abandonment issues, that is understandable with PTSD. But it should not make you his whipping post when things do not go his way. I am sorry you have had to experience this both in your first marriage, and now. Not an easy time for either of you :(

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Have you read the PTSD stress cup explanation? If not I suggest you do as it will explain a lot. Even those of us who have been through treatment will have fuller stress cups than a non PTSD person.

We may do great but then something may overflow our cups and the reaction may be out of proportion to the stressor.

Telling a PTSD person that you need a break may trigger abandonment issues. Just curious, but what issues are pulling you two apart?

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

I can understand him being upset or being triggered, but not his attacking you in that way. He didn't attack what you were doing, he verbally attacked you. He may think you are being unfair or whatever, but calling you a slut is out of line. You deserve a hell of alot better.

 

[KyGirl31]

I agree and it's almost like something changed in me when he said that. The gentle man I fell hard for disappeared in a split second.

 

[nursenurse]

I liked it only to acknowledge it. Really, it is just plain sad for all those involved, including him. Take care of yourself.

 

[gemstone]

I deal with it too Kygirl. My hubby has combat PTSD. I'm working on evaluating the marriage and myself because some things have been said in the past that although they were said out of trigger/rage, it's hurt. And it's burned alot.

 

[HelloMo80]

If that's the type of person you're dealing with, that's how he'll react when stressed. The one thing I'm learning is that PTSD doesn't MAKE anyone do anything. What is does is expose who you're dealing with. PTSD causes stress but it's his choice on how he reacts to said stress.

Having said that, I've dealt with it when my guy is overseas in the "zone." I won't tolerate it. He's tried more "creative" insults when he's mad but I shut those down too. If your guy is in a place where he can access help, then he should take it upon himself to do so. If he's not (say he's in Iraq) then that's just how he'll be until he gets back. The only thing you can do is decide whether you want to deal with it for however long he's over there or not. (If it's the case that he's gone.)

Good luck.