He Just Showed Up

[Casey_03]

Right, I think he intentionally did it this way so he can say, "Look, she's blocking me from my own child!"

 

[Casey_03]

Ugh, I hate this because it makes me so angry I want to violently attack him. And I want revenge. But he's not even worth my anger.

 

[shimmerz]

"Look, she's blocking me from my own child!"

I think the 'my own child' is a wildcard here. If he hasn't taken any form of responsibility for your child, is your child technically 'his'? Does that not require some sort of acknowledgement before he is treated as a father with the rights, etc that come with that?

Casey, does he know where you live?

 

[Ronin]

"Look, she's blocking me from my own child!"

He's completely disrespecting that child by doing that.

First by keeping you from meeting the kids' basic needs - endangering him by that very thing, secondly by interrupting your usual schedules (aka safety & goood for the kiddo things), not even starting how failing as a father he is, socially.

So, good job dirtbag, you just undermined your own mission.

 

[Casey_03]

@shimmerz He thinks he's entitlted to legal responsibility for the baby. He's said before that he "has rights" and that I am obliged to let him visit. He does know where I live. He can get into the building pretty easily too, so I'm trapped in here today. He was saying before he wanted to bring his family here, and I worry he'll blindside me with his entire family.

 

[Ronin]

And I want revenge.

Taking care of your kid, your needs, and getting out of there. Revenge number one, even if it doesn't look like one.

 

[Casey_03]

@Ronin Exactly. And when I told him before I didn't want him on the birth certificate until he'd undergo therapy for his abusive behavior, he told me he wouldn't see the baby until he gets put on the birth certificate. So he was withholding love and affection to try and get himself on the birth certificate.

 

[Ronin]

he "has rights"

Rhetorical bullshit of those that know they don't have any.

 

[shimmerz]

He thinks he's entitlted

Typical. Doesn't make it true though.

How long are you there until you are meant to fly out Casey? Can you point me to a thread that has more info on this so you don't have to repeat yourself?

 

[Ronin]

he told me he wouldn't see the baby until he gets put on the birth certificate.

He made his choices, right there.

He has only himself to blame.

 

[Friday]

he told me he wouldn't see the baby until he gets put on the birth certificate

So much for THAT promise! (He thought it was a threat???)

So he was withholding love and affection to try and get himself on the birth certificate.

I think I would rethink this one. That your knee-jerk of his presence alone = love and affection? Is probably a good/healthy place to think of fathers, overall. AKA by definition / in order to BE a father, there will be love and affection for their child. But not all fathers (or mothers) have love or affection for their children. Some people are just abusive and manipulative f*cks, who shouldn't inflict their presence on a dead goldfish, much less sink their claws into anyone who might actually love them for who they're "supposed" to be.

 

[Casey_03]

@shimmerz I leave at the end of this month. My sister is flying out on the 23rd to help me with everything. Until that time, I'm going to be very busy preparing for the move - cleaning, doing repairs in the apt., shipping things, etc. So surely he knew I'd be busy. I'm flying back home after 10 years in eastern Europe, so moving now is a huge deal. The fact that he's visiting now with no warning makes me think he has something planned to try to prevent the move. But all I can do at this point is turn my phone off and try to ignore him and hope he doesn't do anything crazy.

My family infuriates me in this whole situation because they don't think it's a big deal. They say "oh he's just young, he'll grow out of it. That's not abuse." He tried to force me to have a miscarriage by harassing my employer, for f*ck's sake. That's abuse.

Ahhhh sorry, so much anger coming to the surface now.