He Passed The Lie Detector Test

[lisamarie]

Hi everyone,

Writing this in almost a comatose state....I got the cetitified results back and my stepfather passed the lie detector test.

So lost and confused. I feel like I have to let go of him being the abuser.

SOMETHING HAPPENED TO ME. Maybe he didn't do it, but something.

So drained. Will write more tomorrow.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I don't have much time right now so I am just going to throw this out there... I thought lie detector test were notorious for being inaccurate and lacking in scientific credibility.

I am sorry that you are having to deal with this though. I know it is hard and I know how overwhelmed you must feel.

You do not have to do anything you don't want to do. And you don't have to keep in contact with those people that hurt you. Your choice, your life.

Best wishes.

 

[Nicolette]

Remember that the most important thing to hold onto is your own truth.......

 

[Philippa]

Some people are very good at keeping their heart rate and pulse low and beating lie detectors. Sociopaths are very good at this, as they have no emotional reactions, apart from fear and greed and anger at times.

 

[lisamarie]

I don't want to go to work, I want to stay in my bed all day. I want to sleep for weeks. I can't face that I mistakenly thought that he had done something to me. I had a long conversation with my mother, probably the only real compassionate and understanding conversation I have ever had with her. She isn't mad at all that I said that, she actually went further out of her way than most parents would to make sure he didn't do it. She truly believes that something happened to me, but that he didn't do it. We talked about other men who could have held me down in the initial incident that is so vivid in my mind.

I am starting to think that someone else did this to me, but that I somehow super-imposed my stepfather's face onto the perpetrators. It is INSANE, CRAZY, that I will probably never know who did this to me.

will write more later.

 

[Philippa]

Sorry to hear...that's a hard and confusing place to be in I'm sure.

 

[Jen93]

How awful- but I'm glad that your mother is so supportive.

I had a long conversation with my mother, probably the only real compassionate and understanding conversation I have ever had with her. She isn't mad at all that I said that, she actually went further out of her way than most parents would to make sure he didn't do it. She truly believes that something happened to me, but that he didn't do it. We talked about other men who could have held me down in the initial incident that is so vivid in my mind.

I am starting to think that someone else did this to me, but that I somehow super-imposed my stepfather's face onto the perpetrators. It is INSANE, CRAZY, that I will probably never know who did this to me.

It will come back or it might not, you just have to trust that your memories are there for a reason; they'll give you more information when the brain feels you're in a safe enough place to access them.

 

[intothelight]

(((Lisamarie)))

Take your time and do not be hard on yourself as you were pursuing what you believed to be true. At this point allow yourself some time to recover. Over time, your memories may come back in more detail.

I am glad your mother is understanding as I am sure this is so hard for you and everyone involved.

Deb

 

[lisamarie]

I am the most confused as I have ever been in my entire life.

I KNOW SOMETHING HAPPENED TO ME. My whole life I thought my stepfather did it....I remember holding my brother as a baby and telling him that I'd never let him hurt him....I remember being fearful in a pool that my stepfather was going to show me his penis....I remember telling my boyfriend and a psychiatrist when I was about eighteen that this had happened.

I don't know what to do. Do I believe the lie detector test? And the letter he wrote saying that he is going to let go of the anger of my "crazy accusations" and forgive me? I am so, so lost.

If someone else did this, who? I KNOW SOMETHING HAPPENED. I can remember it.

But there are two things that I told my mom about that she says never happened. The one thing I can almost let go of because I don't have third-party verification (I sought it out) but the other, I SWEAR THAT I REMEMBER.

I don't know what to do. I literally want to go out on short-term disability and just check myself in somewhere. I need a break from life. I'm driving myself nuts.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Breathe. It still could be true. If its not, then someone did it. You were a victim and my father could lie so convincingly that I believe he could have easily passed a lie detector test. I'm a nurse. They way you diagnose a heart attack is to look at the symptoms and test. Sometimes the test comes back normal but the person is still having or about to have a heart attack. We keep these people who's symptoms are convincing us that they are sick and 20% of them are having a heart attack. Same thing here. You have the symptoms, you MUST have had trauma. Just my 2 cents.

 

[Hashi]

Oh, lisamarie. I'm so sorry.

I find it difficult to think that your conviction and the things that you've said to people aren't coming from the truth.

Some of my family members have such serious denial about my childhood that they've blocked out certain things that happened. I think one of my parents actually has selective amnesia related to causing trauma. If they took a lie detector test they'd pass, because they'd believe they were telling the truth. Obviously I don't know, but I wonder if denial might be a factor here.

But I feel for you, because how can you know at this point? You've been put in an impossible situation with regard to evidence, and wanting to make sense of the evidence is something that has driven me crazy at times. You must be so shaken, I'm so sorry this has happened.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I just want to send you some gentle (((((HUGS))))), if that's OK.

I am glad your mother is being so supportive. I had her pegged wrong based on my replies to your other posts.

I know it is terrifying to doubt your own memory and what you hold as the truth while other people are insisting that you are wrong or mistaken. It will take some time for you to figure things out, but in the meantime I hope you take some time just for you. If things are so stressful right now that you're considering going on short term disability, I really hope you find a way to do some needed self-care before things get worse.