- Post starter
- #37
Today is a big day...
T has been off from therapy for the last 3 weeks. He had a bit of a panic/guilt attack last Monday because he was supposed to go to his first appointment after this break and missed it because he got the days confused and his dad rescheduled his flight out for that morning T was supposed to be at the VA.
I can't help but feel his family is sabotaging him :(
So today is the big day. He goes in and meets with someone who IS NOT his therapist and is just reviewed to by a doctor if he needs this therapy or not.
I stayed and ran on his tred mill and got ready at his place this morning. He had been up since 4:30 p.m. and last night was really stressed about this review. I think it's his life-line the way he talks about it. I know it is therapy which HE HATES but it's the income from it that he hopes to put away for his future. Something that is solely his because he is owned by his family :(
It is so complicated. He's afraid he is going to get denied, which also means he will be denied further therapy. I think it is a total crock of $h!t if you ask me. That he has to fight to get help he wants and the help he deserves.
Last night while I was making dinner, he was trying to remember all the guys in his platoon that had died and how they died. I feel it is good he talks to me about these things. I've asked him if he's ever talked about, or done some of the things he does around me in front of other girlfriends or family members. He said 'no' which I believe because he IS NOT the T I knew before I started dating him. I asked him 'why me'. He says 'because he's comfortable around me'.
So, fortunately I was working with turkey and have cut enough chicken heads off (farm chick) to not be totally grossed out by his dinner conversation, but to think that he will get denied by the government he fought for. ROAR! :mad:
He wanted to look his best so he pressed his jeans, shaved, wore a nice collared shirt. He said from his research that they deny guys like him - who have a job, their life in order, etc. Said he wished he was fat so at least he could say he eats because he can't handle the depression. Well, I know for a fact he could be fat with the way - and what - he eats but he works extremely hard at his job (labor intensive) so he's burning calories regularly and if it wasn't for me and his dad having been here, he probably wouldn't eat. He's finally put a little weight back on because he had lost almost 14 pounds in 3 weeks prior to his dad coming into town and him deciding he wanted me around again.
As he was talking to me about things this morning, he mentioned his frustration of why they can't just review his records to give them an answer. Soldiers are very good at holding up appearances if they haven't snapped yet, from what I've seen. But I've seen his other sides. I know they are just going to get worse. The depression. The sleeping habits. I've been keeping him from taking sleeping pills because it causes him more nightmares and he still wakes up in the middle of the night.
He needs this help. He needs - yes - to utilize it to its fullest advantage, but he's a tough guy and just the fact he goes every time is helping. I can see it helping. Just as the little things are starting to clue in for him with us, I know eventually the little things will start to release themselves once he's established in therapy.
He went in at 8 a.m. to fill out paperwork. He's anxious and angry. Maybe that's a good thing. Aside from him running around the condo this morning shouting he has PTSD like a kid with chicken pox, I know there is more underneath the surface than he's letting on about his frustrations and fears this morning.
I also know, that I may not see him again for a while. So I'm grateful for our last two weeks of fun times. And I'm just praying he comes out of this meeting today moving forward.
6 more minutes till.... :eek:
Will keep posted...
T has been off from therapy for the last 3 weeks. He had a bit of a panic/guilt attack last Monday because he was supposed to go to his first appointment after this break and missed it because he got the days confused and his dad rescheduled his flight out for that morning T was supposed to be at the VA.
I can't help but feel his family is sabotaging him :(
So today is the big day. He goes in and meets with someone who IS NOT his therapist and is just reviewed to by a doctor if he needs this therapy or not.
I stayed and ran on his tred mill and got ready at his place this morning. He had been up since 4:30 p.m. and last night was really stressed about this review. I think it's his life-line the way he talks about it. I know it is therapy which HE HATES but it's the income from it that he hopes to put away for his future. Something that is solely his because he is owned by his family :(
It is so complicated. He's afraid he is going to get denied, which also means he will be denied further therapy. I think it is a total crock of $h!t if you ask me. That he has to fight to get help he wants and the help he deserves.
Last night while I was making dinner, he was trying to remember all the guys in his platoon that had died and how they died. I feel it is good he talks to me about these things. I've asked him if he's ever talked about, or done some of the things he does around me in front of other girlfriends or family members. He said 'no' which I believe because he IS NOT the T I knew before I started dating him. I asked him 'why me'. He says 'because he's comfortable around me'.
So, fortunately I was working with turkey and have cut enough chicken heads off (farm chick) to not be totally grossed out by his dinner conversation, but to think that he will get denied by the government he fought for. ROAR! :mad:
He wanted to look his best so he pressed his jeans, shaved, wore a nice collared shirt. He said from his research that they deny guys like him - who have a job, their life in order, etc. Said he wished he was fat so at least he could say he eats because he can't handle the depression. Well, I know for a fact he could be fat with the way - and what - he eats but he works extremely hard at his job (labor intensive) so he's burning calories regularly and if it wasn't for me and his dad having been here, he probably wouldn't eat. He's finally put a little weight back on because he had lost almost 14 pounds in 3 weeks prior to his dad coming into town and him deciding he wanted me around again.
As he was talking to me about things this morning, he mentioned his frustration of why they can't just review his records to give them an answer. Soldiers are very good at holding up appearances if they haven't snapped yet, from what I've seen. But I've seen his other sides. I know they are just going to get worse. The depression. The sleeping habits. I've been keeping him from taking sleeping pills because it causes him more nightmares and he still wakes up in the middle of the night.
He needs this help. He needs - yes - to utilize it to its fullest advantage, but he's a tough guy and just the fact he goes every time is helping. I can see it helping. Just as the little things are starting to clue in for him with us, I know eventually the little things will start to release themselves once he's established in therapy.
He went in at 8 a.m. to fill out paperwork. He's anxious and angry. Maybe that's a good thing. Aside from him running around the condo this morning shouting he has PTSD like a kid with chicken pox, I know there is more underneath the surface than he's letting on about his frustrations and fears this morning.
I also know, that I may not see him again for a while. So I'm grateful for our last two weeks of fun times. And I'm just praying he comes out of this meeting today moving forward.
6 more minutes till.... :eek:
Will keep posted...
