Head Swirls

[rosey]

I thought I was doing better with flashbacks the last few weeks but think I have actually just been holding them back. something has obviously triggered me as find my head swirling around with flashbacks rolling around a thought about my father who I cut contact with a few years ago.

I thought I was over questioning him in my head all the time but a random angry thought popped up. Why did he cut off a really nice life long friend a few years ago over a request to help lay a new floor (it really was that simple) but can still have contact with my abuser and rapist for all those years?

trying to let the thoughts time out as i know fighting them will make it worst but am so angry at him but more so at myself for having spent so much time money and effort on him for all those years. Wish i could be angry at the right people rather than myself.

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

Frustrating, isn't it Rosey? But you know the deal, we get to things in our own time. Cutting off contact irl doesn't answer all our questions or relieve the anger and pain. But, I'm impressed that (1) you did eventually cut off contact (2) you recognize what is going on internally for you now (3) you are breathing through it and not blindly pushing it away for you know that doesn't work either.

Good for you!

 

[rosey]

Frustrating, isn't it Rosey? But you know the deal, we get to things in our own time. Cutting...

Thank you so much for the encouraging words i am very grateful for the support