Healing Yourself Without A Therapist, Looking For Guidance.

[Deleted member 1860]

I am at a different point in my healing, I believe. I struggle with negative thoughts for the most part and I'm using CBT for dummies right now.

 

[Abstract]

I pretty much live my life dissociated,

I have certainly done so too @Madhather

. I guess that sounds very odd.

I don't believe it is how everyone experiences these things at all but I don't think it's odd at all. It is a normal adaptive way of dealing with experiences that are not normal and you are not alone. I have heard others say they are the gatekeeper.

For me there are only two incidents in life that I have normal ish memories of. They are still broken and not like non traumatic memories but there are visuals and other senses and I feel they happened to me. There are other things that I have never had a single normal ish memory of. I have them in facts or almost the equivalent of basic labels. The only sensory information I have come in the form of intrusions or flashbacks. In the past there were no feelings either but that has changed. Most of my life feels like it happened to someone else. It is about a character in a story and I have no ownership of it. And then a big chunk of my childhood is a total blank.

recognize emotions and physical feelings for what they are.

I have made huge progress with this but was also very disconnected throughout my life. Mindfulness helped and is helping a lot. Writing the days events and looking for emotions did too. I recommend Dead Link Removed

I have used the DBT workbook that Tealeaf mentioned and found it helpful. I would also recommend this website: http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/mindfulness1.html

Well done for looking for information to help you move forward.

 

[DMerish]

Hi Mad,

Except for the first couple of years of therapy when I learned what I was dealing with and some grounding techniques, and CBT, what's been most helpful are my own efforts in learning about PTSD, who I am, and trying different things. I think going the "self-help" route depends a lot on the type of trauma, where "you're at" (i.e. types of symptoms) and whether one is more a physical, emotional or intellectual individual type. I'm more physical/emotional than intellectual.

Being in nature, learning about nature, and actually doing something in the natural environment (even just caring for houseplants) is helpful for me, as is dancing and doing Yoga. Classical music with melodic rather than a morose bent, up-beat Brazilian Jazz (Choro) and New Age relaxation music also help. I use relaxation music to help me get to sleep at night, and I'm usually disciplined about doing healthy prep/before bed. Journaling/writing has been somewhat helpful; but often times not - I go OCD on spelling, grammar and punctuation. Why those things matter to me, writing in my personal journal that no one else will see, I have no idea. :confused:

When my symptoms are particularly troublesome, I try to be as gentle and as compassionate that I can with myself and I lower my standards, tackling only one or a few mundane tasks to accomplish each day, and only one essential task (examples: prepare one healthy, well balanced meal, and sit down at the table to eat it (like a "normal" person : ) or take a shower, put on clean clothes, do my hair/make-up; or be sure there's gasoline in my car, etc.

Accessing online materials by Pema Chodron [DLMURL]http://www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/shenpa3a.php[/DLMURL] and learning Mindful Meditation have been helpful (and still are). The three most valuable books I've found are "Hope and Help for Your Nerves". "Healing the Trauma: A Survivor's Guide to Understanding Your Symptoms and Regaining Your Life " by Cori (also a few years old), and the first 3/4th of Waking the Tiger, by Levine. On a spiritually orientated healing level, I'd recommend The Positive Psychology of Personal Transformation, by Garbarino (it's expensive; rent it from a library if you can); and online materials by Pema Chodron [DLMURL]http://www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/shenpa3a.php[/DLMURL] and learning Mindfulness Meditation have/are helpful to me also.

Classical music with melodic rather than a morose bent); New Age relaxation music; and, up-beat Brazillian Jazz (Choro); learning something new with my hands helps to bring me into the here-and-now, uses other parts of my brain, and results in some beautiful, sometimes "interesting" objects :laugh:

I'm not sure if these are the kind of suggestions that you're looking for, but I hope they might spur your thinking and motivation to keep strong and keep moving forward.

Kind regards,
Drew

 

[Madhather]

Most of my life feels like it happened to someone else. It is about a character in a story and I have no ownership of it. And then a big chunk of my childhood is a total blank.

This is so me. I can not tell you how sorry I am you get it, but also how relieved I am to know that someone else understands. I really appreciate you taking time to share your thoughts and suggestions with we, it means a great deal.

The three most valuable books I've found are "Hope and Help for Your Nerves". "Healing the Trauma: A Survivor's Guide to Understanding Your Symptoms and Regaining Your Life " by Cori (also a few years old), and the first 3/4th of Waking the Tiger, by Levine. On a spiritually orientated healing level, I'd recommend The Positive Psychology of Personal Transformation, by Garbarino (it's expensive; rent it from a library if you can); and online materials by Pema Chodron [DLMURL]http://www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/shenpa3a.php[/DLMURL] and learning Mindfulness Meditation have/are helpful to me also.

Thank you so much Drew for all the wonderful suggestions and information, much appreciated! Oh and I love music too.:headphone:

 

[Madhather]

I struggle with negative thoughts for the most part and I'm using CBT for dummies right now.

I seem to cycle on the negative thoughts, for a while I can remain even and then I tumble into the the pit of negativity. I am smiling at the name of the book, CBT for dummies, I think it is a definite add to my reading list. Thank you for sharing with me.

 

[Hashi]

I listen to guided relaxation recordings. You can get an idea of them before buying by finding something by the same person on You Tube. You Tube is also good for Yoga Nidra meditations that people have made freely available. I also like the book Relaxation for Dummies by Shamash Alidina.

I find journalling extremely helpful. Journalling about trauma itself is something that has to be approached with a lot of caution, but I also do general journalling about how I'm feeling, to support myself, find my way through things and to understand myself better. I love the book of journal exercises and techniques "Journal to the Self" by Kathleen Adams.

For anyone who's healing from rape I recommend reading the book "Resurrection after Rape" by Matt Atkinson. It can be downloaded free from Dead Link Removed.

More generally about trauma and PTSD, "Invisible Heroes" by Belleruth Naparstek is good.

 

[Hashi]

PS If you're interested in Jungian/metaphysical stuff let me know. I realise not everyone is.

 

[Echo]

Large portions of my childhood are a blank, too. We moved house frequently. In one home, I shared my bedroom with my little sister. I remember that house and my bedroom in detail and all sorts of things that happened there. As soon as we moved to the next house where we lived for 4 years, I remember absolutely nothing about the house, except for times spent outside with my rabbit. I have only two memories of my bedroom. One was lying on my bed completely unable to walk in a totally blank state and the other was seeing evil faces all around the top of the walls near the ceiling laughing at me and mocking me. Things have come to me in flashbacks or sudden contortions of my body, but I'm not sure what to make of them.

There are other periods of my childhood that I remember only on the basis of a few photographs taken at the time, but those are not childhood memories. Anything I do remember seems to be from the position of a detached observer through a mist. I don't think of it as being someone else; I know intellectually it is me, but my vantage point is not inside the body I see as mine.

Otherwise, I have a brilliant memory for facts, for conversations and for visual images. I find this distinction so strange.

 

[Madhather]

@Hashi thank you for all the great information. When you say journaling about trauma itself has to be approached with a lot of caution, can you expound on that a bit? I have no attachment to my traumas as in I do not own them emotionally. When I talk about those events it is a narrative, as if I am telling someone else's story.

 

[Madhather]

@Echo isn't it amazing what the mind is capable of? As children our minds found ways of protecting us for things that we were not capable of handling and so we survived. ;) The brain is a marvelous thing!

 

[Hashi]

I have no attachment to my traumas as in I do not own them emotionally. When I talk about those events it is a narrative, as if I am telling someone else's story

That would be dissociation, happening unconsciously to protect you from the full impact of them. Trauma feeling real is a stage of processing and healing. If and when it's safe enough for you to feel that the events happened to you, a Pandora's Box of feelings and PTSD symptoms can erupt. These can include fear, horror, shame, guilt, depression, anxiety and overwhelm. That's why you need to be careful.

 

[Bluerose]

I think it really depends on the extent of what we are dealing with. I never found therapy particularly helpful. One day I suddenly woke up to the extent of the pain and upset I had caused my young family because of my own crappy childhood, I knew something had to change.

I was still quite ill when I decided to read the bible from cover to cover. The plan was to distract my mind from all the negative thinking. I saw the brain like a computer - the quality of what came out would depend on the quality of what was fed in. And to date only crap had been fed in.

I set about reprogramming my psyche. I read motivational books and lists of positive affirmations daily. I took up meditation and relaxation. The most powerful word for me back then was Distraction.

I worked to fill my head with anything that kept me from rehashing over and over all the old habitual negative thinking that was causing me so much pain.

No miraculous cure but it did put me back in control of my life. Today I enjoy long walks, daily meditation and relaxation and I still use affirmations, and read uplifting material.